Friday, July 27, 2007

Doralicious, drop-drop

Okay, well we all know Wal-Mart customers are dumb. That's a given. However, I think I hit a new low this past weekend. And of course it would involve some Dora the Explorer merchandise - the catalyst of one of the last great adventures.

So this couple comes up with a whole troop of howler monkeys - two girls and three boys, all under 10 - and wants to return a big old mess of kids bedroom stuff. They've got the full sets in Spiderman, Cars, some godawful pink fluffy concoction that looks like a wad of gum got into a fight with a hedgehog and bowl of glitter - and of course Dora.

She's got receipts (about five of them) and we're doing good until I get to the Dora comforter set. I can't find it on any of the receipts. I inform her of this. She's not listening because she's trying to peel one brat off the hiring computer and separate another two from blasting into each other with foam pool toys. **sigh** Sterilization before recreation - Book 1, The Gospel of the Howler Monkey.

"Ma'am, I can't find this Dora comforter on these receipts. Do you have another receipt?"

"Well I bought it here." Good for you. Not in the condom aisle though.

So I look again and then I see it. Right above the barcode there's a label - "Jane's Children's & Specialty Shop."

"Ma'am, this comforter didn't come from Wal-Mart."

"Yes it did." I really don't know why you got to get strumpy with me when you can't control your children. Your control issues are not my problem.

"No ma'am. See right here, this package is not from Wal-Mart. I'll scan it. ITEM NOT FOUND. Did you buy other Dora comforters at other shops?"

"Well this one did come from Wal-Mart. I must have put it in the wrong package."

"Well you need to go home and get the right packaging - because I can't take that back."

"Why not?" BECAUSE IT SAYS JANE'S CHILDREN & SPECIALTY SHOP. Not Wal-Mart. And it won't ring out. I'll just put any old crap in a box and bring it back. Oh, wait. That happens all the time.

I politely inform her that returns must be accompanied by all the packaging and other materials.

So she stands there, with all five howler monkeys screaming and climbing on things while the husband drives home and gets the other plastic cover. She won't even take them out into the store. If I had mental powers, there would have been six smoking piles of ash ....

On the whole, given the experience of listening to five howler monkeys destroy Customer Service and scream for 25 minutes, I almost wish I had just refunded her money and defected out the comforter.

There are some battles you elect to lose as a tactical decision. Halfway through the howler monkey crescendo, I'm wishing that had been one of them.

SPECIAL BONUS: Read this post in LOLCAT. If you have managed to miss the entire LOLCAT craze on the Internet, please go here for an explanation of Lol-Kitteh.


Anonymous said...

it would seem that I"M IN UR STOR, RETURNIN UR SHEETS.

yoyo said...

Why were they returning all that kids stuff anyway?
Were they perhaps planning on returning the children also?

Dawne said...

reading that in LOLCAT made my brain bleed.

Anonymous said...

More like "carrier monkeys". Hope you washed your hands or you'll be spraying brown liquid and have green goobs coming out of your nose in a few days.

Anonymous said...

I used to work in a high-end bike shop and we had very good and very loyal customers. The other bike shop sold junk to anyone walking. They were constantly bombarded with a-holes wanting free repairs on junk bikes. They eventually went under. I think Wal-Mart, instead of getting better customers is content with more customers and if the economy hiccups and profit margins get slim these b-stards will pick the bones of Walmart clean. They have enough business to shrug off thise losses, but for how long?
When your customer base drives F-250's and is months behind on credit card payments the end can't be far off.

AmyD said...

You and the LOL cats are the perfect marriage. I can't wait to see your howler monkeys. I bet they'll be well behaved, with terrible grammer and spelling skills. Or skillz, as it were.

Darci said...

thanks to be taking your howler munkiez and pissing off now