I'm a bit of the night-owl. I know most of the late-shift drive-thru people for on my side of town, plus I've got intimate knowledge of what's open when, where and the quickest way back to my bedsit. I've got no pity for idiot teenagers who think they're "special unique snowflakes" - seriously. Get off the phone, quit texting and get a clue. All this leads up to an episode of monumental stupidity and teen howler monkey petulance witnessed at a Wendy's last week.
The dining room is CLOSED. Even though the sign says the dining room is open until midnight and it is only 10:45 p.m., the DOOR IS LOCKED. People are cleaning up inside. My friends and I, we walked up, read the hours, tried the handle, realized it was closed, saw there were no customers eating inside, turned around and went through the drive-thru. No big honking deal.
Not so for bratty teenager with serious entitlement issues and the gum-smacking girlfriend. *important detail*
The car ahead of us has *issues* with their order. I can see this woman with about eight howler monkeys (the factory must have shipped extra this month, I seem to have been surrounded) in her LandCruiser banging on the second drive-thru window and then arguing with the girl. Then there's another bout with the manager wearing a headset. Then some money being exchanged.
So we sit in line for like forever. And get a ringside seat for major fun.
A convertible BMW (must be daddy's, on loan for the summer) screeches around the cars lined up at the drive-thru and two upper-crust tupes get out. Seriously, we heard rubber burn.
They park in a puddle and Princessa grimaces as she gets her delicate toes wet. She's wearing a white skirt and a pinkish baby-doll crop top and for good measure has a sweater tied around her waist. A sweater. In the middle of July. She looks like she hasn't eaten in months.
Boy Genius has the generic upper middle class uniform of long khaki shorts, sandals and an A&F t-shirt. They both have posture that would send any finishing school teacher rolling in her grave.
They tramp up to the door. I'm positively glowing with anticipation.
They yank the door handle. Obviously, being locked, it doesn't open. Boy Genius and Princessa read the hours and yank the door again. It still doesn't open.
They put their hands and faces on the glass and look inside. Then look back at the hours and yank the door again. Shocker. Still won't open. Princessa looks bored with the whole thing and leans up against the railing by the door. She's posing for a fashion shoot. Give me more "I don't care. Good. Now more 'bored and stupid.' Bueno. Que bellisima." She's got the disinterested model thing down stone cold.
Boy Genius pounds the glass. Then runs around to the other side - thinking that maybe the door there will be open. It must not be, because he comes right back. He yanks on the door again, pounds the glass some more and we can see him yelling and pointing at the sign with the hours.
Princessa is still lolling vapidly on the railing. She obviously doesn't care. She'll eat like one fry (no salt) and have a diet water with diet lemon, thanks very much.
But Boy Genius obviously wants a Baconator and a Frosty, because he slams both palms on the door again and decides to try to yank the door open one more time. NEWSFLASH - Still not open.
Princessa starts walking back to the car. He yells at her.
SHE TAKES THE GUM OUT OF HER MOUTH, GIVES IT TO HIM, AND HE STICKS IT IN THE LOCK.
Ewww. Just eww.
*If you see children misbehaving, slap them across the face that they might learn to behave in public. --Book 2, The Gospel of the Howler Monkey
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12 comments:
Perhaps Biff is unaware of the ubiquity of cameras these days. FYI: You're almost ALWAYS on at least one in any commercial area. I've seen so much stuff on ours that I wish I could erase from my brain.
QUESTION FOR UGLY PERV AND PERVETTE: do you really think having sex there, at 2:00 on a Saturday afternoon, IN A HEAVILY USED PUBLIC PARK, in view of an unconcealed security cam on the building next-door is a good idea? I didn't even call the cops on that one because I was afraid my company would fire me for "watching porn on company computers" or something.
QUESTION FOR DRUNKEN PARTY GIRL IN GERMAN SUV: You may think the pointed star gives you some class, but it's not enough to overcome the sight of you squatting down in aforementioned park to relieve yourself at 11:30pm. The date you left in the car must be so proud (or as classy as you).
MORAL: Wal-mart or Neiman Marcus, a lotta people are scum. Oh, and never touch anything in a city park.
Someone should have taken Howler Monkey Book 1 and hit both of them upside the head; and second, if the door was locked the first time, it's gonna be locked the next 10 times. Unless of course, someone comes and unlocks it, which they won't.
I fear for my sanity when my children become teenagers. The sense of entitlement they have these days is atrocious.
I totally get that, if the sign says the dining room is open until midnight, you would expect it to be open until midnight. However, if it's locked, even if you could intimidate the staff into opening up for you, would you really want to go in and eat, knowing that 1) everyone in there is staring at you with murderous intents and 2) someone probably put Visine in your food out of spite. It's a Wendy's, not a four-star, so why someone couldn't use the drive-through is beyond me.
The poor people who work there are probably working for a franchise, of which are normally run by people who will scrimp and make money in whatever dirty way they can.
This includes, but is not limited to, only paying their staff till midnight, if the resteraunt closes at midnight. It's evil to do that, but the staff will cope with it how they can, even if it means closing ten minutes early.
And those entitled shits should understand that. But of course they dont care about the people inside who are tired and ache and cant afford to go out and have fun, they just want to feed their bellies and linger on and on for three freaking hours whilst the staff wait for them to get the hell out so they can go home.
I cannot wait to teach my children to kick the CRAP out of people like that when they're older.
And your "glowing with anticipation" line was PERFECT. :)
No, no...THEY knew the "secret handshake" to get in. Bang, bang, BANG on the doors. Then, peer in so they know that *gasp* it really IS you! Open the doors to the golden dining room, where the food tastes better and the service is swift. No, it didn't work for them? Ha, ha, too f-ing bad. It never does. Live and learn assholes. You are no better and (probably) much worse than the rest of us. This post made my night, in a smarmy, vindictive kind of way. Good job and thanks.
the kids were right are you all idiots? if the restaurant is supposed to be open according to the hours its the employees fault for closing early and not doing their jobs; they deserve to be punished
Dude, seriously... If you don't spend so much money at drive throughs and own a car you can't afford, maybe you could save money and quit your Walmart job.
Just a suggestion from one of us ignorant inferiors...
I have a sweater on me always. It may be hot outside, but air conditioning is so unpredictable.
It's not like sitting in the dining room of a Wendy's to eat makes the food any better. I'd much rather sit in a droptop and enjoy the evening sky above sitting in some over air conditioned dining room with a fine patina of grease on everything anyway.
I enjoy a wendy's burger rotting in my lower intestines for a few weeks until I'm lucky enough to contract a Norwalk virus and blow it all out.
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