Sunday, July 29, 2007

Did you flush your brains too?

Seriously lady? I'm not trying to be rude to you, but you make a slab of concrete look like a Mensa scholar.

You want to return a toilet seat using a receipt from January 21st of 2006? Seriously? That's 554 days ago. 79 weeks. 13,296 hours. 47,865,600 seconds. Most of which you apparently spent in a state of blissful oblivion drinking clamato and playing canasta.

I don't care that you're "remodeling." It took you 18 months to pick out a toilet seat? What are you remodeling? The Pentagon? Did that toilet seat cost $400?

I don't care that you're not "down here" that often. Thank Shiva you're not! You could have returned it at whatever Yankee Wal-Mart is unfortunate enough to get your patronage. Or your truly unfortunate contractor could have. You didn't even buy it at this store. Not that that would make a difference, but at least I can tell you to go try to peddle your sob story at the Wal-Mart across town.

No. That 90-day rule isn't "a new thing." That sign has been there since this store opened. Identical ones hang in the Customer Service counters of pretty much every other Wal-Mart in the United States.

No, leaning real close to me, breathing that old-lady liver-and-onions breath and saying "Well, they've never denied me before" isn't helping. I am the person you are dealing with now. Right now. Not yesterday. Not "before" in this magical land of make-believe. You obviously need to hear the word "NO" more often. Plus a good hard smack across the face.

Seriously. Since January 21, 2006 - you have not once stepped foot inside a Wal-Mart? Not once? I should have returned it as a reward for her being able to hold out against the siren song of the "always low prices."

10 comments:

mreighties said...

Did it look used?

Anonymous said...

I had a man come in one day with a floor jack and a receipt from two years ago. He wanted a replacement or a refund because it has a lifetime warranty. He got neither. I just can't understand why people believe and make up all the urban legends about Walmart return policy.

Anonymous said...

A "good hard smack across the face" of an old lady? Would you like someone to think that way of your mother or grandmother? Sheesh!

Anonymous said...

I don't think the dude has a mother or grandmother. That would mean that he was once a "howler monkey" like the rest of us inferiors and we all know that he is perfect above all others. I'm pretty sure dude was dropped on the planet fully grown by an evil and hateful alien species to show us all the true meaning of hate and nastiness.

Austin said...

Both the anonymous commenters have obviously never worked retail.

Anonymous said...

yeah well smart people would just come back the next day without the receipt and theres nothing that you can do.

Wally World said...

If you read the return policy on the wall at customer service it plainly states "With Receipt". You will see that eventually Walmart will not return items without a receipt.New "in store credit" shopping cards are now being given for no receipt refunds which will no longer work at gas pumps.If the item is obviously old merchandise, we will not give you in store credit either.

Anonymous said...

yeah if that happens just whine to a manager. People got this system down. And if they start making you have a receipt then is that gonna go over like the bikes do and we still return them anyways?

Anonymous said...

Austin, this anonymous commenter worked for 9 years at Wal-mart. I got fed up with customers too, but wouldn't go around saying old ladies need a good hard smack across the face. You hate your job so bad, then quit. That's what I did, because my attitude was getting just like the bloggers. He's not doing himself any favors by staying on there.

Anonymous said...

You can always return the item without a receipt for store credit, buy another item with said store credit, return item with your new receipt and get your money back.