SPECIAL BONUS: Doralicious v2.0 (Read this as a LOLCATS post)

OKAY, WELL WE ALL KNOE WAL-MART CUSTOMERS R DUMB. DAT'S GIVEN. HOWEVR, I THINK I HIT NEW LOW DIS PAST WEEKEND. AN' OV COURSE IT WUD INVOLVE SUM DORA TEH EXPLORR MERCHANDIZE - TEH CATALYST OV WAN OV TEH LAST GREAT ADVENTUREZ.

SO DIS COUPLE COMEZ UP WIF WHOLE TROOP OV HOWLR MONKEYS - 2 GIRLS AN' 3 BOYS, ALL UNDR 10 - AN' WANTS 2 RETURN HOOJ OLD MES OV KIDZ BEDROOM STUFF. THEY'VE GOT TEH FULL SETS IN SPIDERMAN, CARS, SUM GODAWFUL PINK FLUFFY CONCOCSHUN DAT LOOKZ LIEK WAD OV GUM GOT INTO FIGHT WIF HEDGEHOG AN' BOWL OV GLITTR - AN' OV COURSE DORA.

SHE'S GOT RECEIPTS (BOUT 5 OV THEM) AN' WE'RE DOIN GUD TIL I GIT 2 TEH DORA COMFORTR SET. I CANT FIND IT ON ANY OV TEH RECEIPTS. I INFORM HR OV DIS. SHE'S NOT LISTENIN BECAUSE SHE'S TRYIN 2 PEEL WAN BRAT OFF DA HIRIN COMPUTR AN' SEPARATE ANOTHR 2 FRUM BLASTIN INTO EACH OTHR WIF FOAM POOL TOYS. **SIGH** STERILIZASHUN BEFORE RECREASHUN - BOOK 1, TEH GOSPEL OV TEH HOWLR MONKEY.

"MA'IZ, I CANT FIND DIS DORA COMFORTR ON THEES RECEIPTS. DO U HAS ANOTHR RECEIPT?"

"WELL I BOUGHT IT HERE." GUD 4 U. NOT IN DA CONDOM AISLE THOUGH.

SO I LOOK AGAIN AN' DEN I C IT. RITE ABOOV TEH BARCODE THAR'S LABEL - "JANE'S CHILDREN'S & SPECIALTY SHOP."

"MA'IZ, DIS COMFORTR DIDNT COME FRUM WAL-MART."

"YEZ IT DID." I RLY DOAN KNOE Y U GOT 2 GIT STRUMPY WIF ME WHEN U CANT CONTROL UR CHILDREN. UR CONTROL ISUEZ R NOT MAH PROBLEM.

"NO MA'IZ. C RITE HERE, DIS PACKAGE IZ NOT FRUM WAL-MART. I'LL SCAN IT. ITEM NOT FINDZ. DID U BUY OTHR DORA COMFORTERS AT OTHR SHOPS?"

"WELL DIS WAN DID COME FRUM WAL-MART. I MUST HAS PUT IT IN DA WRONG PACKAGE."

"WELL U NED 2 GO HOME AN' GIT TEH RITE PACKAGIN - BECAUSE I CANT TAEK DAT BACK."

"Y NOT?" BECAUSE IT SEZ JANE'S CHILDREN & SPECIALTY SHOP. NOT WAL-MART. AN' IT WONT RIN OUT. I'LL JUS PUT ANY OLD CRAP IN BOX AN' BRIN IT BACK. OH, WAIT. DAT HAPPENS ALL TEH TIME.

I POLITELY INFORM HR DAT RETURNS MUST BE ACCOMPANID BY ALL TEH PACKAGIN AN' OTHR MATERIALS.

SO SHE STANDZ THAR, WIF ALL 5 HOWLR MONKEYS SCREAMIN AN' CLIMBIN ON THINGS WHILE TEH HUSBAND DRIVEZ HOME AN' GETS TEH OTHR PLASTIC COVR. SHE WONT EVEN TAEK THEM OUT INTO TEH STORE. IF I HAD MENTAL POWERS, THAR WUD HAS BEEN 6 SMOKIN PILEZ OV ASH ....

ON TEH WHOLE, GIVEN TEH EXPERIENCE OV LISTENIN 2 5 HOWLR MONKEYS DESTROY CUSTOMR SERVICE AN' SCREAM 4 25 MINUTEZ, I ALMOST WISH I HAD JUS REFUNDD HR MONEY AN' DEFECTD OUT TEH COMFORTR.

THAR R SUM BATTLEZ U ELECT 2 LOSE AS TACTICAL DECISHUN. HALFWAY THRU TEH HOWLR MONKEY CRESCENDO, IM WISHIN DAT HAD BEEN WAN OV THEM.