Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Chicken a la king

Old is a state of mind. Stupid is a state of being. Old and stupid is the bane of my existence.

Old people seem to love to torment me with frillions of idiotic requests and inane returns, such as light bulbs, pills, rosebushes, compression hose, crackers, lemon juice, etc. Sometimes I think they buy and return things just to have something to do and someone to talk to, as has been suggested by the commentators herein.

Other times, I wish I had either a giant mallet or a button to open a huge trap-door that would drop the fool currently in front of me into a pit of crocodiles and then I could holler "NEXT" and watch the masses cower in fear and perhaps behave better and not behave in such a stupid fashion.

Want to know what brought that on? Read on.

This ancient man came in, pushing his senile wife in a wheelchair. He was pushing 90 if he was a day, or at least a spry 85. He return a pair of house shoes and a bottle of Mucinex. Then he pulled an empty box out of the bag attached to the back of the wife's wheelchair and said "I want to make a complaint."

So help me Shiva, I hate that particular line. Mostly because I wonder at the gullibility of those people who believe that complaining to ME is actually going to do any good. But anyway, he launches into his story. He shows me the box, which is for some frozen chicken breast tenders, and says that he was very upset because the box showed the chicken breasts cooked on a bed of rice with vegetables and bread on the side. When he opened it up, it was just chicken inside.

He thought there was a WHOLE CHICKEN DINNER INSIDE - even though the box said, in letters an inch high - GREAT VALUE CHICKEN BREAST TENDERS.

Yes. And he had bought two of them. And eaten the chicken from two of them, but he wanted to make a complaint about them, because "what was on the picture wasn't in the box."

So I told him "Sir, I can give you a refund if the product wasn't good, or I can call someone for you to talk to. That's all I can do."

He stands there.

And then he starts in again. "I want to make a complaint. This was deceptive advertising and I don't think you should sell these."

I tell him again "Sir, all I can do is give you are refund if you were not satisfied with the product, but I can't actually change what's inside the box."

And he goes "I thought I said I wanted a refund?" No, you didn't say anything. Except how that basically you're an idiot that can't understand simple product advertising.

So I give him a refund, and he continues to offer his advice on how we should conduct our business on selling products, in particular, not showing possible preparations on the packaging. It wasn't that you didn't like it either - BECAUSE YOU ATE BOTH THE PACKAGES THAT YOU BOUGHT! Bad time to mention the fact that there are pictures of babies on baby food, you think? I wonder what he thinks is going to be in his strained peas? English peas with a side of Sienna Miller?

So anyway. He got $4.38 back for bringing in two empty boxes. Not the first time that's happened though! Remember the sodas?


Anonymous said...

I was shopping in Wal-Mart today, in the produce section, when some strange old man pulled me aside to tell me how much more expensive some tomato was than the store halfway across town. Oh yeah, and, I'm not even an employee. Just some guy he decided to bitch about produce to. I shudder to think what he must do to actual employees.

I know how you feel... said...

I just wanted to let you know that you are my absolute hero... :)

Penalt said...

Well, damm. I can go to Wal-Mart and feed my family for FREE! I know where I'm shopping from now on.

You really need that trapdoor, or maybe a giant mallet from above.

stinky said...

Buddy you need to check out this link

Anonymous said...

I never even thought of buying stuff to return in order to have someone to talk to! Thats a great way to make new friends.

Lindsay said...

That man sounds like my great grandfather... HAHAHAHAAA!

Old people are pretty ammusing, but only when you hear about them from reading your hillarious stories!

I am having a "win a custom template constest" you should come check it out!

DeeDee said...

I have sooooooooo enjoy reading your blog. I too work retail at Big Lots and I am also in Wal-mart a lot. Now I will alway think of you when I am

Texas H Christ said...

I tried to pick up a chick that way once. Returning an item

GR said...

I think i will return a board game I purchased because I thought THE CUTE KIDS PICTURED ON THE BOX were included. I played the board game, but it would have been FUNNER with the kids shown on the box playing with me. False advertising. And that Baby Head pictured on the baby food jar--- I bet if you lab tested that stuff not even a TRACE of baby head would be in there.

dreaming78 (at) yah said...

Aaaaaand now I understand why every package of any food item I've purchased in the past, oh, 10 years says "SERVING SUGGESTION" next to the picture of the food. Even when the "SUGGESTION" appears to be "Take it out of the box and put it on the plate. Maybe add some parsley, if you're feeling particularly fancy."