Where's the beef?

Wal-Mart is generally know for taking anything back. Remember the guy who returned the beer? Or the woman with the Diet Cokes? Or the other woman with meat?

This is one we all have to try now.

This ginormous woman came up Sunday. (It was my day for the lunatics, I swear.)

She had a thing of salami and a package of those frozen hamburgers, "Bubba Burgers" - that you just put in the oven and cook.

I look in there and there's only one burger. Then I look in the package of salami. There's like three slices.

Then I look at her. "Ma'am, was there a problem with these items?"

"Yes sir. They was bad. The meat was spoiled." (Not spoiled enough for you to have a real good feed, obviously!)

I look at the receipt. She bought the stuff on August 23. Ten days ago. I run some quick math in my head. She's gonna get back more than nine dollars for food she already ate.

Nothing I could do. She had a receipt. She had some rank meat (which I'm sure she left out of the fridge overnight or in her car) and she said it was bad. I'd call a spade a spade and ask her to leave.

If meat is bad, you return the package with one missing - not 90 percent of the contents gone.

Sure enough. She pivoted on an enormous ankle (how does it hold her up) and walked out clutching $9.28 an a sweaty paw.