Now, I've returned all sorts of things. Used pregnancy tests. Dead rosebushes. Condoms. Shrimp. Empty soda cans. Beef fat. You name it, I've probably return it. I'm just not all that hot on returning personal products.
Especially from middle-aged white ladies with an attitude. Women of a certain age! Anyway. Nobody needs three bottles of KY "massage oil." Nobody. No ma'am. It is not for "massage." Not in those quantities. IT SAYS RIGHT ON THE PACKAGE: "K-Y Touch Massage 2-in-1 Body Massage + Personal Lubricant." You makee with the whoopee. M'kay?
Anyway. All this started when she wanted to return three bottles of KY. Two were fine but one had the plastic stopper thing broken. So right off the bat, I've got personal lubricant in a lovely, charming unscented but still stank smell all over the counter and all over my hands. Thanks for that. Really.
This charming woman doesn't have a receipt. She's taken the KY out of the boxes. It actually doesn't look like the Wal-Mart brand - because everything Wal-Mart sells has a barcode the size of Texas RIGHT ON THE BOTTLE. I tell her this and she gets snippy. "Well I bought it here." Well, where's your receipt then?
O00000kay. Fine. My supervisor walks by and tells me that "those came in a three pack - she doesn't have three of the same flavor. Don't let her return them unless we sell them exactly like that."
I tell her she's got to produce the exact same thing off the shelf for me to return it. So she goes off to hunt for some more KY lube.
Meanwhile, my line backs up like a port-a-potty at a fat camp. She walks back up with three more bottles of lube and asks a man with a pair of shorts if she can cut in line.
HE TELLS HER NO!
"No. I've been waiting. You just gonna have to wait. I'm next."
He slaps his shorts on the counter and gives her a dirty look.
She stands there and looks at me. "Are you going to help me?"
"Ma'am, you didn't have a receipt and you removed the product from the box. Now, you're asking me to let you cut in front of all these people. That's between you and them."
And the next person in line WOULD NOT LET HER CUT EITHER. It was great. Dirty looks all around!
KY woman started yelling at my co-worker and at the other customers about how she has to leave and go do something and how she doesn't have time to wait. And how she hates Wal-Mart.
So instead of waiting - she just takes the new KY she had picked out and walks away from the counter. I don't know if she left or what. She for sure never came back. And no KY showed up at Customer Service until I left at 11 p.m. She probably went right out the door with it.