Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Whatever floats your boat

Hi. My name is Retail Slave. Do you want to return that? Fine. Spare me the dissertation on "why Wal-Mart merchandise is crap." I didn't buy it in the first place. YOU DID. I really don't care. I work here and I don't buy stuff here. Really. That ought to tell you something. But I digress.

I must have run over a puppy or something to deserve this specimen of chlorine-free gene-poolery that hit my counter Sunday night. First, he came through about 4 p.m. with one of those $4o radio-control boats. He spent a good 20 minutes trying to decide whether or not to exchange one model boat for another. I'm like "I don't care, but could you move and stop holding up the line?"

He finally decides to take what he's got and leaves. He's back around 10 p.m. with the boat and a major 'tude. This is our conversation:

BOAT HOLE: "Hi. Remember me?"
ME: "Uhhhhhhhhh."
BOAT HOLE: "I bought a boat."
ME: "Okaaaaay."
BOAT HOLE: "I want to return it."
ME: "Do you got the receipt?"
BOAT HOLE: "Yeah. Hey man, the boat wasn't any good."
ME: Not saying anything. Pressing buttons. Thinking "Dude, this is Wal-Mart, not Sharper Image."
BOAT HOLE: "Hey man. This boat was junk. You had to charge it for one hour to get it to run for ten minutes."
ME: Realizing I have to say something, just to make him shut up. "Okay. We're not going to sell it again. I'll send it back to our Claims Department and they will send it back to the vendor. There must be something wrong with the charger."
BOAT HOLE: "No man. I think that's how it is supposed to work."
ME: Just looks at him.
BOAT HOLE: "Why is Wal-Mart selling it anyway?"
ME: Looks at him with a stare of "Are you stupid?"
BOAT HOLE: "Why do they sell stuff like that?"
ME: "Ummmm."
BOAT HOLE: "Just gimme my money."
ME: Finishes pressing buttons. "Okay sir. I need you to sign this." Counts back refunds. "Have a good night."

Seriously. You are buying cheap plastic crap at Wal-Mart. Do not ask me why it is cheap and plastic. Ask yourself why you are buying cheap plastic crap!

7 comments:

Koon Hui said...

Hahaha, good one.

Anonymous said...

I guess people keep forgetting the old adage of "You get what you paid for." I work for an automotive parts retail store and customers always want the cheapest option available. Then come back and ask why it didn't last so long. Duh.

FARfetched said...

Why is he buying cheap plastic crap? Because it's CHEAP, of course!

luckycanucky said...

I love how much people complain about the state of the store or lack of staff or quality of product but still shop there anyway. I guess they think their lives would be meaningless if they didn't shop for crap and complain about the experience.

Glen said...

For the record, most of those small radio-controlled vehicles only last about 10 minutes on a charge. Very small batteries running motors that suck them right down.

All the same, Wal-Mart stuff is still cheap plastic crap :)

Anonymous said...

hilarious.

The Sassy Editorialist said...

Boat Hole-- lol too damned funny.