Sunday, April 01, 2007

What's the return policy on Trojans?

As long as I've been slaving away behind the counter, I've amazingly never actually taken back a box of condoms. (Probably becuase we don't sell that many - most of ours get stolen before they can be sold!)

Well, today was a historic first for this intrepid wage slave. Some over-sexed twenty-something returned a box of condoms.

As per usual, I was trying to hold down the desk by myself during the afternoon rush and getting so hungry I could hear my stomach when the line backs up behind one old bat who has to dig around in her purse for HER pen to sign the refund slip. Then she has to have me write with the pen to see "how nice it writes." And she has to tell me that it is a Wal-Mart pen. Lady, it's still cheap plastic crap.

The girl behind her keeps looking up from her Sidekick and rolling her eyes at this conversation. When the old bird finally goes, she waits for me to greet her and then steps up really close to the counter.

She's got a junky hair dryer -- and great hair -- and one item she's obviously not too anxious to take out of the bag. "Could you leave that one in the bag? It's personal?"

It's the Trojans. Size Large. Ummm. Ooooookaaaaaay. I've handled more Vagisil from scammers than you will ever know. And returned more bras, panties and ladies underthings than any Victoria's Secret drone. But whatever makes you happy.

The hair dryer is defective.

And I can't resist asking about the condoms "Is there anything wrong with this item ma'am?" The answer?

"My man he need a bigger size."


Anonymous said...

As a former part time cashier with Wal-Mart.... I've two condom "encounters" with customers......

1st one was the guy who came through my line carrying two items, a bunch of flowers, and a pack of condoms....both with big stickers on them that said "Clearance". I scanned them and told him his girl was really going to appreciate his thoughtfulness.

2nd one was the guy about 16 who came though my line with a freaking case of condoms, I asked why he needed so many, glanced across a couple registers to see his little gal pal standing there, blushing and giggling....all of 15.
Told him I thought she was hot so wished him luck....they both cracked up.

chunes said...

Most condoms have tags in them that need to be deactivated. To this day, it still amuses me when I pass the condoms over the deactivator and hear the "BOING!" sound. :)

Jason said...

LOL.. i love it.. i seen the condom teaser from your twitter earlier today, and have been waiting for the full story :)

By the way- - brand new reader here..i started reading earlier, and next thing i knew it was 3 hours later - wow.. i love your blog. I'll be linking from my site if that's cool.

By the way... there's no 'contact' link on the blog.. what if we wanna email ya :) ?

--A Boi In Nashville

hockeyfrog said...

Working at the jewelry counter back in the day had several encounters of those types... the first was this older guy who picked out a really nice necklace, but wouldn't pay for it at the counter since he had other shopping to do. I offered to hold it till he was finished shopping. He came back with a box of condoms and a bottle of Astroglide. I didn't know that Walmart even sold Astroglide.

One afternoon though, I had probably a frosh/sophomore in HS come up to the counter with his buddy and picked out a pair of $3.96 "Hot Silver" earrings. The wingman was completely supportive by saying "Oh man, she has to put out if you buy her those." The purchaser paid for them, along with a box of condoms... and I'm pretty sure it was required of me to wish him good luck (because any girl in her right mind would not put out for $3.96 earrings that will ultimately turn your skin different colors), and a good night (to which he blushed heavily).

Koon Hui said...


Ryan said...

We actually use latex condoms at the place I work at, in the lab - and not for thier intended use (obviously). We have to buy them by the thousands. Just recently we started buying them online in bulk, but up until this time It was my duty to hit every walmart, target etc and 'clean them out' of red trojan condoms.

I could write a blog on some of the comments I recieved in the checkout lines, and probably 2 blogs worth of reply's.

Anonymous said...

I was the friend who bought condoms for everyone when we were in high school. My friends were too embarrassed to buy them.

I always thought your doc telling you about your case of gonhorrea was more embarrassing than buying condoms but they didn't see it that way. So I bought them by the case and sold them for a quarter each out of my locker at school.

Anonymous said...

I cracked up when I read this blog and had to pass this website on. Be sure you watch the demo.

Anonymous said...

That was my wife who returned the condoms.

Anonymous said... jason...
and I quote:
"By the way... there's no 'contact' link on the blog.. what if we wanna email ya :) ?"

It's up on the TOP RIGHT of the says:

Bowing to popular demand, I'm now including a link to e-mail me."

HELLO???? Read much??

Anonymous said...

to poster above me;

ur a duche...