Thursday, March 15, 2007

Another round of the check wars

Really. If you're going to try to cash a fake paycheck, at least get your game face on and don't try to run game on me when you clearly couldn't fool a fifth grader. And no asking for "The Store Manager" isn't going to make me roll over. I'm right, you're wrong. Put up, shut up and leave.

The Wal-Mart I work at seems to be some sort of feeding trough for the great herds of free-range white trash which boil forth from the trailers and dilapidated row houses that bring to mind the sad and sorry mid-century Depression-era buildings of Steinbeckian woe. I don't know why they can't roll the beat-up pick-ups with dual antennas and "KICKIN KUNTRY" bumper stickers on down to the Sav-A-Lot and seriously -- save a lot.

I guess they love the Wal-Mart because there's always one or two old women standing in the big aisle by the groceries handing out little hot dogs on a toothpick or squirting cheese product out of a can onto a cracker. That or handing out free AirWick samples. Shiva knows they need something to help them smell better.

I digress. These two lovely people come up to my counter last week and want to cash a check. Now, Wal-Mart DOES NOT CASH HAND-WRITTEN PAYROLL CHECKS. I don't care if the payroll says JESUS / PEARLY GATES / HEAVEN -- it IS NOT running through my check machine unless everything on there is computer printed except the signature. And I still look the thing over for irregularities.

So the girl, who is pretty much a picture of skanky hooker trying to hold on to the last few years of youth -- dyed black hair (it was too dark and crunchy looking to be natural), denim skirt that had been either fringed or had more cut off, black fishnets, a black stretch top and white long-sleeved shirt that was tied RIGHT under her assets and about 27 bangles on each arm. And don't forget the nose piercing and multiple ear piercings. The john had on blue jeans down around his knees, red and blue and green plaid boxers (probably shoplifted from the Wal-Mart) and a wife beater which exposed his multiple tattoos -- some of which looked like a prison job. And dirty work boots. I guess you gotta make a living somehow after the cops raid the meth lab.

This "payroll check" they hand over is supposedly from a construction company -- but the paper feels funny (the ink had probably been washed) and the amount and new dollar writing had been done in bright pink ink.

And the signature was in another color ink. Really. I wonder what these clowns were thinking.

ME: "I'm sorry, I can't cash that check for you."
THEM: And the move RIGHT on top of my register and try to intimidate me. "Why not."
ME: "We do not cash hand-written payroll checks."
THEM: "We cash it here every weekend." I'm thinking - "Lying sow. No you don't. I rarely if ever get a Saturday or Sunday off -- and I'd frelling sure know if we magically started cashing these babies."
ME: "I'm sorry. We've never cashed handwritten payroll checks. You can go to the Ace Cash Express or to the Circle K."
THEM: "We ALWAYS cash this check at Wal-Mart. You better get a manager and let us cash this check."
ME: "Certainly."
MANAGER: "What's the problem?"
THEM: "We'd like to cash this check."
MANAGER: "I'm sorry. We don't cash those type of checks."
THEM: "We always cash it here."
MANAGER: "No. We don't accept handwritten payroll checks for fraud reasons."
THEM: "We want a store manager."
MANAGER: "I am a manager. I am the manager for the register area. This is as high as this matter goes."
THEM: "Your badge says "assistant manager." We want a real manager."
MANAGER: "No. We're not going to cash that check. Is there anything else we can help you with."
THEM: "We'll just have to go to a Wal-Mart that will let us cash our check and spend our money there."
MANAGER: "Very good ma'am."

After the unsavory duo leaves, the manager says to me "Pink writing? Nobody is going to take that check."


Debo Blue said...

Where's Yellow dog? Oh well, I guess I'll have to do it myself...

If I had your job I'd be popping Xanax every 3.5 hours.

kelmeister said...

Pink writing. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *wipes tear* HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Seriously though, dude, BRITNEY AND KEVIN tried to cash a check at your store! How special do you feel?

dcsmith said...

I'm surprised they didn't slap down the newly-washed check on your counter, whip out the troll-top sparkle pen, and fill the damn thing out right in front of you before asking you to cash it.

With juevos that size it's no wonder he couldn't pull up his Rustlers.

Anonymous said...

The bitterness you spew frightening, and it gets worse every day.


Anonymous said...

He has a right to be stressed. He works RETAIL in the SOUTH. I can't imagine what he sees and hears day after day. Nobody is forcing anybody to read this blog, by the way. Just stop coming here if you don't like it. Problem solved.

MavenofMoxie said...

I think PD needs to stop hiding behind anonymity.

This story is just too funny. LOL @ "troll top pen" and the like comments. I love the, "but I've always done it" argument. So convincing.

Anonymous said...

The bitterness is justified. I deal with the public every day, too, and feel there are untapped reserves of bitterness like this in every person who has a service job.

Chimera said...

Interesting take on checques. Canadian law allows for a checque to be hand-drawn on any blank piece of paper, so long as certain required information is included on it. And the ink doesn't need to be any specific color, either; it just has to be ink, rather than pencil. I actually tested this law a few years ago, and it worked just fine. As long as a business accepts checques, and you've got the right documents to back up your identity, you can do the same thing anywhere in Canada (except maybe in Quebec...but then, we're not sure if Quebec is still part of Canada or not).

FARfetched said...

OK, I'm a little drunk tonight, but "He works RETAIL in the SOUTH." is just too true to be NOT funny!

I have got to get off this planet.

MavenofMoxie said...

Hey, 'Michael',
Just remember, as was quoted on The Writing on the Wall, Wal-Mart primarily (but not exclusively) and best serves, the bottom of the pyramid....It’s easier to sell to the desperate than those able to make real choices.

Your blog continually illustrates this principle. (Of course, any one who's ever spent 5 mins in a Wal-Mart and isn't "bottom of the pyramid" realizes this. It's the "bottom of the pyramid" types that don't realize they are that & that think Wal-Mart is akin to shopping on 5th Avenue and consequently acquire the, "Wal-Mart owes me everything and anything I do McDonalds and Taco Bell...")

Penalt said...

The thing is people like that are NOT endemic to Wal-Mart. Stupid, ignorant, self-entitled assholes are everywhere. I work North American tech support for a printer manufacturer. Its not just the south. I've had an office lady from Vancouver BC have a fit on me because we wouldn't tech her out of warranty machine. And I always love how they try to impress me with the size of their company. As Thor is my witness it comes out every, damm, time. My reply has gotten to be," Ma'am, the US Army gets the same answers from me that you do, and they have guns. Next time actually read your manual." Sorry, bad rant. But this kind of person is everywhere and until you work in customer service or a similar job you can't appreciate the unbridled HELL that being in a job like that can be.

At least this time the manager had your back on that one. Its a nice warm feeling when higher ups cover your ass for you.

Anonymous said...

AMEN, penalt!

Debo Blue said...

Double Amen, Penalt. I too work in the finance offices of many Fortune 500 company employees and they all think they can walk all over me, call me any names that come to mind (probably hearing their mothers call them that for a lifetime) and treat me like crap!

In my opinion EVERYONE has a Walmart shopper's mindframe of wanting everything for nothing.

Unknown said...

Personally I hate Walmart and wouldn't shop at one. Furthermore if they were the only store available I'd go without simply because of the judgemental arrogance of the majority of their employees and the lack of knowledge about their own store. It's one thing to be forthright...another to be narcissistic and egotistical