So Saturday I actually got a 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. shift because one of the morning girls was on vacation. I thought this was going to be a good thing. Oh was I wrong. So wrong. So badly wrong.
Things are just getting going at 7 a.m. at the Wal-Mart. Seven a.m. is the passing of the baton from the overnight supervisor to the morning supervisor. They count the change drawer, verify that all the keys have been signed in and out, etc. If the morning person is running late, well, things are just behind.
Sometimes the overnight person has to leave early. Sometimes the morning person is late. So essentially, on some mornings, there is no one "in charge" of the cashiers if they need help until either the morning person gets there whenever - or unless management strolls by in answer to a frantic page.
Cue the fun. The hilarious Wal-Mart retarded customer fun.
Customer Service doesn't open up until 7 a.m. when the morning shift comes in. There's money in the register, there's just no one there to staff it. Plus, no MoneyGram or money orders can be done until 7 a.m. Returns between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. are done at the regular registers - but have to be approved by management or the overnight supervisor. WHY? Because the PS MERCH RETURN key only works on the Customer Service registers. Everywhere else requires that you either stick the override key in the register or get approval via the handheld computer.
I can hear the pages as I straggle in at 6:45 a.m. with a triple venti mint mocha. "CSM to Register 15 for a return, CSM to Register 15 for a return." I hear it as I come in the door. And again as I go through the doors to the employee lounge in the back. And again as I put my phone and keys in my locker. And again as I put my lunch away. And the whole time I'm trying to finish my coffee in peace.
Obviously the overnight person has already left. But they're paging away. And management isn't coming. As per usual.
I finish my coffee and clock in five minutes early. I'm a glutton for punishment.
I make my way through the softlines (clothing) and I can see a man stomping off from Register 15 and heading toward Customer Service. Lovely. First one out of the gate is going to be a screamer. Little did I know.
The overnight accounting office girl is leaving, and he starts yelling at her "Are you a manager? I want a manager right now. I want a return right now. I've been waiting 15 minutes and I want a manager right now. Is this how you treat your customers? Is it?" Can you say tirade?
I'm near Register 14 when this goes down, and I see the overnight manager FINALLY coming from one direction. The accounting office girl doesn't see him or me, but looks at her watch and says "Just wait about three minutes sir. Customer Service opens up at 7 a.m."
In the pantheon of "wrong things to say," this one was right up there with "Let's conquer Russia in the winter" or "No baby, I don't watch porn."
The crazy man actually ramps the crazy UP a notch now and really goes off. I'm standing there just in awe, not even offering to help, because I'm just so entranced. "DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL 7 A.M. TO RETURN THIS? IS THAT HOW IT IS? I WANT YOUR NAME. IS THAT YOU YOU TREAT CUSTOMERS? BY TELLING THEM TO WAIT?"
By now, the overnight manger is there and trying to pour oil on much-troubled waters. "Can I help you sir."
Crazy Man goes "SHE'S TELLING ME I CAN'T RETURN THIS BECAUSE IT'S NOT 7 A.M. I HAD TO WAIT FIFTEEN MINUTES OVER THERE. WHERE WERE YOU? ARE YOU A MANAGER? IS THIS HOW YOU MANAGE? YOU'RE A PRETTY BAD MANAGER AS FAR AS I CAN TELL!"
I'm in awe. I'm not even awake and this man is just hitting gears I didn't even know existed at 7 a.m.
The overnight manger is like "Sir, I can take care of you. I can open up Customer Service at any time for a return. Or I can take care of you at any other register."
Crazy Man is still crazy. And still yelling at the top of his lungs. "SO IS SHE LYING OR ARE YOU LYING? YOU'RE GOING TO OPEN IT? SO WHY DID SHE SAY IT WAS CLOSED? WHY IS SHE EVEN HELPING PEOPLE IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING. I'M GOING TO CALL AND GET HER FIRED. I'M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED."
Ooooooookaaaaaaaay. Crazy man is still crazy.
The overnight manager sees me and asks me to do the man's return. I'm like "Oh. Yeah. I'm supposed to be working. Not spectating."
I sign on and start the return. But Crazy Man is still crazy.
"I WANT YOUR NAME. I WANT THE STORE MANAGER'S NAME. I WANT THE STORE NUMBER. I WANT THE STORE PHONE NUMBER. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM. DOES HE KNOW YOU TREAT CUSTOMERS LIKE THIS? DOES HE KNOW YOU JUST DECIDE TO OPEN AND CLOSE THINGS? DOES HE KNOW YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THIS?"
The overnight manager goes to the printer at the service desk, writes down his name, the store manager's name and the store number. He wishes the man a good morning and walks off.
I finish the return, NOT AT ALL HAPPY to be left at Customer Service with Crazy Man.
He walks out just past the entrance to Customer Service and pulls out a cell phone and starts dialing. I hear the phone start ringing and go over. I see the line light up for MAIN 1, which means a call coming through from an outside line. The phone is still on night service, so the operator is not in yet. The man snarls and hangs up. The phone light goes off. He hammers the keys again and the phone lights up again. No amount of money in the world would have convinced me to pick up that phone.
He finally snarled again and walked off. If and when he finally did get through, I would not have wanted to be on the other end of that call. I'd love to know who or what took a whiz in his cornflakes though.
Oh. What was he returning? Two OPEN children's sports mouthguards. Total refund? $4.24.