Sunday, September 30, 2007

It's a glorious morning at the House of Wal

So Saturday I actually got a 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. shift because one of the morning girls was on vacation. I thought this was going to be a good thing. Oh was I wrong. So wrong. So badly wrong.

Things are just getting going at 7 a.m. at the Wal-Mart. Seven a.m. is the passing of the baton from the overnight supervisor to the morning supervisor. They count the change drawer, verify that all the keys have been signed in and out, etc. If the morning person is running late, well, things are just behind.

Sometimes the overnight person has to leave early. Sometimes the morning person is late. So essentially, on some mornings, there is no one "in charge" of the cashiers if they need help until either the morning person gets there whenever - or unless management strolls by in answer to a frantic page.

Cue the fun. The hilarious Wal-Mart retarded customer fun.

Customer Service doesn't open up until 7 a.m. when the morning shift comes in. There's money in the register, there's just no one there to staff it. Plus, no MoneyGram or money orders can be done until 7 a.m. Returns between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. are done at the regular registers - but have to be approved by management or the overnight supervisor. WHY? Because the PS MERCH RETURN key only works on the Customer Service registers. Everywhere else requires that you either stick the override key in the register or get approval via the handheld computer.

I can hear the pages as I straggle in at 6:45 a.m. with a triple venti mint mocha. "CSM to Register 15 for a return, CSM to Register 15 for a return." I hear it as I come in the door. And again as I go through the doors to the employee lounge in the back. And again as I put my phone and keys in my locker. And again as I put my lunch away. And the whole time I'm trying to finish my coffee in peace.

Obviously the overnight person has already left. But they're paging away. And management isn't coming. As per usual.

I finish my coffee and clock in five minutes early. I'm a glutton for punishment.

I make my way through the softlines (clothing) and I can see a man stomping off from Register 15 and heading toward Customer Service. Lovely. First one out of the gate is going to be a screamer. Little did I know.

The overnight accounting office girl is leaving, and he starts yelling at her "Are you a manager? I want a manager right now. I want a return right now. I've been waiting 15 minutes and I want a manager right now. Is this how you treat your customers? Is it?" Can you say tirade?

I'm near Register 14 when this goes down, and I see the overnight manager FINALLY coming from one direction. The accounting office girl doesn't see him or me, but looks at her watch and says "Just wait about three minutes sir. Customer Service opens up at 7 a.m."

In the pantheon of "wrong things to say," this one was right up there with "Let's conquer Russia in the winter" or "No baby, I don't watch porn."

The crazy man actually ramps the crazy UP a notch now and really goes off. I'm standing there just in awe, not even offering to help, because I'm just so entranced. "DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL 7 A.M. TO RETURN THIS? IS THAT HOW IT IS? I WANT YOUR NAME. IS THAT YOU YOU TREAT CUSTOMERS? BY TELLING THEM TO WAIT?"

By now, the overnight manger is there and trying to pour oil on much-troubled waters. "Can I help you sir."

Crazy Man goes "SHE'S TELLING ME I CAN'T RETURN THIS BECAUSE IT'S NOT 7 A.M. I HAD TO WAIT FIFTEEN MINUTES OVER THERE. WHERE WERE YOU? ARE YOU A MANAGER? IS THIS HOW YOU MANAGE? YOU'RE A PRETTY BAD MANAGER AS FAR AS I CAN TELL!"

I'm in awe. I'm not even awake and this man is just hitting gears I didn't even know existed at 7 a.m.

The overnight manger is like "Sir, I can take care of you. I can open up Customer Service at any time for a return. Or I can take care of you at any other register."

Crazy Man is still crazy. And still yelling at the top of his lungs. "SO IS SHE LYING OR ARE YOU LYING? YOU'RE GOING TO OPEN IT? SO WHY DID SHE SAY IT WAS CLOSED? WHY IS SHE EVEN HELPING PEOPLE IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING. I'M GOING TO CALL AND GET HER FIRED. I'M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED."

Ooooooookaaaaaaaay. Crazy man is still crazy.

The overnight manager sees me and asks me to do the man's return. I'm like "Oh. Yeah. I'm supposed to be working. Not spectating."

I sign on and start the return. But Crazy Man is still crazy.

"I WANT YOUR NAME. I WANT THE STORE MANAGER'S NAME. I WANT THE STORE NUMBER. I WANT THE STORE PHONE NUMBER. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM. DOES HE KNOW YOU TREAT CUSTOMERS LIKE THIS? DOES HE KNOW YOU JUST DECIDE TO OPEN AND CLOSE THINGS? DOES HE KNOW YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THIS?"

The overnight manager goes to the printer at the service desk, writes down his name, the store manager's name and the store number. He wishes the man a good morning and walks off.

I finish the return, NOT AT ALL HAPPY to be left at Customer Service with Crazy Man.

He walks out just past the entrance to Customer Service and pulls out a cell phone and starts dialing. I hear the phone start ringing and go over. I see the line light up for MAIN 1, which means a call coming through from an outside line. The phone is still on night service, so the operator is not in yet. The man snarls and hangs up. The phone light goes off. He hammers the keys again and the phone lights up again. No amount of money in the world would have convinced me to pick up that phone.

He finally snarled again and walked off. If and when he finally did get through, I would not have wanted to be on the other end of that call. I'd love to know who or what took a whiz in his cornflakes though.

Oh. What was he returning? Two OPEN children's sports mouthguards. Total refund? $4.24.

19 comments:

Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh that I hadn't lived that story myself multiple times!

My deepest sympathies.

Robert said...

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A lot of devices don't bother with them anymore and you may be losing a lot of readers who think your site has closed.

Jessica said...

To be honest, I'd be irate if I had to wait that long for a return and then I'd be especially pissed to discover the person capable of the return was just being lazy. (Nothing in a store like that, that is important enough to ignore a page takes FIFTEEN minutes to do. Especially at seven AM).

But I sure as hell wouldn't be threatening to get everyone I came into contact with fired. Nor would I be hollering and screaming like that. I also wouldn't be returning OPEN anything that goes in the mouth. I also would call to complain before I even left the damn store.

I probably would have left the store after five minutes anyway, taken care of my other errands, and come back. Granted some people would argue that principal dictates they shouldn't HAVE to wait, and they would be right. However, those same people would agree that this idiot over-reacted to the nth degree, and took his frustration out on people who never deserved it.

In other words: He was an ass. :-D

The Very Long Winded At 11 AM But Not Psycho-Bitch Jess

Jessica said...

ahem.... wouldn't* call to complain. I work night shift an am therefor out of bed too damn early...

Anonymous said...

This is what I call McDonald's mentality.They want it NOW!These people come into the store with a sense of entitlement and they pretty much act like they should be PAID to shop at Walmart.I even had someone tell me that Walmart owed them something for free because they spent so much money there.

I forgot my name badge said...

Walmart doesn't already pay people to shop there? The louder people bitch, the more money gets loaded up on the shop card in the hopes that a little green will shut them up. So yeah, walmart pays them to shop by taking back every used piece of crap from any store just so they don't piss people off and if they bitch they get some greenbacks for their academy award performance.

Anonymous said...

So, out of curiousity... what was his reason for returning them?

They shouldn't even do returns before 7am, in my opinion. Experienced customer service employees should be available to approve or deny every return that comes their way, not a person who primarily runs a register and it's in tune with the common return scams.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

SO WHY DID SHE SAY IT WAS CLOSED? WHY IS SHE EVEN HELPING PEOPLE IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING?

I have said this exact thing before. I've had customer service people tell me I "can't" do something, while another one tells me I "can". It really irritates me because I never know who's giving the most accurate information.

If I were a customer who had been waiting 15 minutes and then someone said, "Just wait about three minutes. Customer Service opens up at 7 a.m." and no sign was posted with the hours of Customer Service, I'd be irate, too.

j-yo said...

Anger Management, anyone?

Anonymous said...

I can't believe some people are taking the side of this crazy ass man. Maybe these people have never worked with the public before or something, but no workers deserve to be treated like that.

If the people who agree with the guy DO work with the public, I hope they someday encounter a customer like him. Then maybe they'd change their tune.

Anonymous said...

At the Wal-Mart in my town, they completely refuse to do returns under any circumstance from 10pm - 7am.

Plus, I would have answered the phone just so he go to talk to the same person who just did his return. Would've probably pissed him off more than having to wait, but ultimately getting a real manager.

Anonymous said...

It honestly leaves you wondering HOW some of these people don't just stroke out by 10:00 am! This level of hostility for something that's basically a routine occurence of life is ludicrous at best...dangerous if he TRULY goes off the deep end! The more I see of people...the more I like my dog!

Koon Hui said...

The last line is very deflating. Hahaha.

Missy said...

Oh man. He must have really needed that $4.

Bruce said...

There may be something in his life that makes him feel emasculated, and yelling at people whom he knows there are no negative repercussions from is his way of "dealing" with it. In other words, a coward. Or maybe he's just a plain old dick full of tired and hatred. Just a guess.

Anonymous said...

Shame on the accounting associate for even trying to help. Thats one of the perks of being an office associate, you can just respond to customers with "I'm sorry, I only work in the office, let me page/get/call someone for you"

Anonymous said...

I work in Customer Service for a wireless phone provider and I look forward to this blog more than any other! It is totally a sress reliever like nothing else when I come home from my own brand of craziness.
I too am never surprised when the next caller cries on my line about 'overages' texting, or "my kid wouldn't do that!" Right!! "Sure, we'll just write that little charge off for you today, no problem!"
One day I WAS shopping at Wal Mart and actually recommended this blogsite to my cashier. He looked like he could use the comic relief as well.

Anonymous said...

I swear, I'm tempted to gather up all the useless shit in my house and take it down to the Wal to see how much of a store credit I can get. My sympathies to you for dealing with the Walmartians. And you're safe, I don't live in Florida.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad I normally don't have to open service desk. But I had to work a full shift of self checkout today and that was nearly as fun. :) Stupid questions, stupid broken registers, hooray! I get to work a midshift on service desk tomorrow, should be fun! :)