Tuesday, October 02, 2007


The routine of "Can I help you?" followed by a fairly predictable number of buttons and either a refund or a gift card is probably going to be permanently imprinted on my brain for all time.

But there really are some days I just shouldn't go to work. There are days when the first few returns right out of the gate just signal that it's a blue moon, the crazies and the scammers are out and I should have come in loaded for bear and with a full set of body armor.

Like this woman who brought back a baby swing thing. Anyway. She claims she bought it "a week ago" and it doesn't work.

OK. That's fine. Except she doesn't have the receipt. Or the box. Or any of the papers that came with it. All she has is an assembled swing. No baby either, although I'm grateful enough for the absence of a howler monkey I don't think about the lack of supporting evidence.

OK. If it's broken we'll exchange it for you. I tell her to go get me another one off the shelf, or bring me the shelf label so I know how much credit to give her.

She back a few minutes later.

SHOCKER! We don't have any more. I take a closer look at this swing and quickly realize that the reason we don't have any more is probably because we either NEVER sold it or else HAVEN'T sold it in quite a few months.

Why? There's rust around the bolts and other obvious signs of wear and tear. I ask her again. "When did you buy this?" And I get the same "A week ago" answer.

And I ask again "And you don't have the receipt, even though you bought it a week ago?" Of course she doesn't.

And I ask again "And you don't have the box or the papers, even though you bought it a week ago?" Of course she doesn't. That infant is probably in preschool and she needs cash for beer and ciggies.

I tell her I can't return it. She wants a manager.

She gets a manager and walks out a few minutes later with a shop card for $31.76.

On a busy day, with the right manager, you could probably return your mother-in-law for cash. I'm sure she shops at Wal-Mart anyway.


Anonymous said...

Why don't we just open all of the cash he drawers, and put up a sign, "Free for ALL!"?

I forgot my name badge said...

They already do that with their "steal anything under 25.00 and we won't care" policy.

kelmeister said...

I can walk into any Wal-Mart anywhere in this fine country of ours, with any object in my house, and return it at said Wal-Mart for a gift card? If I wasn't so afraid of being sent to Gitmo, I would totally give it a try.

Being law-abiding sucks.

Anonymous said...

@ kelmeister
I agree! Being law-abiding, (and relatively reasonable for that matter) does suck. Imagine how much money I could have made from Wal-Mart by stealing stuff and then returning it for cash! Or, in this case, instead of taking old stuff to Goodwill, take it to Wal-Mart and insist on talking to a PHB manager to get a refund.

The manager probably wanted the nitwit to go away as much as you, so they can go back into their office and play WoW. They just have the juice, and the authority, and the keys, to break protocol and give real cash for sketchy returns.

j-yo said...

There is a special fate for people who pull stunts like this. After they die, they first travel to Heaven where the guy at the gates asks to see their entrance recepit, otherwise known as a Heaven Order. The scammers either don't have their receipt, or their Heaven Orders are handwritten in purple ink when they need to be typed. So they are denied entrance into Heaven. Then they demand to speak to a manager. They are told to go downstairs. "Downstairs" is hot and guarded by some guy with a pitchfork, who tells them that, yes, he can make an exception and let them enter: Just go through the door labeld "Welcome to Hell."

(My apologies in advance to anyone offended by the above. But it sure made my morning brighter!)

Jessica said...

(My apologies in advance to anyone offended by the above. But it sure made my morning brighter!)

Mine too, J-Yo. Mine too. :-D

Library Rat said...

I'm thinking I should make a rather lengthy road trip. I stop at every walmart in the country and steal a $24.99 item from each.

Then, when I get back home, return them all at my local store and never go back after I spend my giftcard.