Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Hot Theft Item Update

BREAKING! This is the hot theft item this summer at Wal-Mart. A weight loss drug. Complete with guaranteed extra poopies for that "not so fresh" feeling.

Really, considering the average Wal-Mart customer - you'd think they wouldn't be worried about losing weight - they'd be more worried about finding a wheelchair cart.

I keep telling the idiot assistant managers that they need to lock these up behind the cage in the Pharmacy, but they say "No, then people could only buy them when the Pharmacy is open."


If they are just sitting around on the shelf they are being stolen!

I can't find a good list of ingredients in the things - but I wonder if you can make drugs or something out of them. The amount of theft is positively obscene. Does anyone know if they have the same stuff as cold medicine or whatever it is you make crystal meth out of?

The average "starter pack" as mentioned in the MSNBC/Newsweek article costs $68. Every day we find about 4 of them ripped open and the pills stolen.

If they really are stealing them to lose weight, methinks these people aren't reading the part about "leakage." I hope it happens when the cows are wearing white pants on a job interview at the Waffle Hut. Karma is a cruel and leaky mistress!


Anonymous said...

Have you had any of them returned yet? That's what always made me think, when a hot 'pricey' item would be stolen over and over again, and then they would start showing up at the service desk, asking for a refund with no reciept.....(we used to get those electric dog collars and electric dog fences stolen and then returned all the time ---they're $100+). Or people are stealing them and selling them on Ebay. OR they're stealing them and selling them as some other drug on the street......I wonder if they resemble something else?

Debo Blue said...

If they won't lock them up, move them into the produce or exercise isles. We fatties NEVER shop produce:-)

Ed said...

yeah as the claims associate in my store I see it too. Lots of it.

You are really firing me up to do a claims related blog, hows this:

"behind the cage" or something, I need a snappy title.

DolfanDad said...

Hey ed, I think we need another blog about claims. I want to know once the dumb managers take back something they weren't supposed to, what happens to that item then? When it goes back to the claims dept. are you guys infuriated. I think it would be another interesting blog hand in hand with this one.

Odwalla said...

I doubt Alli contains sudophedrine. It's illegal in most (all?) states for drugs containing sudophedrine to be stocked on regular shelves. While the good allergy/cold drugs don't require prescriptions there are now daily limits on how much you can buy. You have to have the pharmacist pull it and then sign a sheet that indicates how much you're purchasing.

On a slightly tangential topic, does anyone else find it funny that a weight loss drug is named after a character perpetually emaciated Calista Flockhart played?

Tenacitus said...

Would that be this new 'Allie' thing? The Wal-Mart next door to me (almost literally next door) has a giant display of it just near the pharmacy area--directly under one of the giant black globes that no-one is supposed to know is a security camera.
I'm guessing by the lack of reference to people actually being caught that these big black globes are either empty or that nobody monitors the cameras--which would not surprise me in the least, as it happens all the time in other stores.
The pills, by the way, are a watered-down version of Xenical, which contains orlistat. If you've ever had those Frito products made with Olean, chances are you already now about the more amusing side effects which are listed discretely as 'incontinence' and 'oily spotting.'
Crisps, anyone?

Tasha said...

"I hope it happens when the cows are wearing white pants on a job interview at the Waffle Hut. Karma is a cruel and leaky mistress!"

But isn't wishing harm upon them only creating bad karma for yourself? Perhaps this is how you're stuck in Wal-Mart hell! ;)

Anonymous said...

Naw, there's nothing in Alli that can be used to make illicit drugs. It works on your digestive enzymes and has no effect on the nervous system, heart, etc.

And folks, despite the side effects, don't knock this stuff. If you weighed 300 pounds like I once did, you'd be desperate too. And the stuff does work. You only get the side effects if you eat too much fat, so this drug is a very good way to help people re-learn how to eat. And you lose weight faster because it blocks you from digesting some of the fat.

I know I sound like an ad for Alli. I'm not trying to. I'm just not surprised that people are desperate enough to steal the stuff, especially given (1) its effectiveness, (2) its necessity, and (3) its unnecessarily high price.

Having said all that, I suspect your thieves are anorexic teenagers looking for another way to look like airbrushed magazine ads. But that's probably just the jealous fat chick in me talking.

Anonymous said...

Thats gonna be the new prank.

1. Slip your buddy an Alli pill while he is chowing down on his steak.

2. Laugh and point a few hours and a few beers later when he has an "Alli Incident"

Anonymous said...

Probably being stolen for re-sale.

I'd love to see a claims blog.

How about a title using the words "uncaged" or "cagey?"

Anonymous said...

Alli's "effectiveness"? The info I've read says that Alli only causes subjects to lost an extra pound a month on whatever diet/exercise program they're following. Alli by itself does nothing.

contessa said...

If the managers won't lock the Alli up in the pharmacy, they could always put them on a shelf next to the adult diapers.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

Sure I'd like to drop a few pounds, but the last thing I need is "anal drippage." I already have IBS, so I already have enough problems to worry about in that area.

I'm sure people are stealing them to resell or else they can't afford to buy them but want to try them.

Jessica said...

Alli's "effectiveness"? The info I've read says that Alli only causes subjects to lost an extra pound a month on whatever diet/exercise program they're following. Alli by itself does nothing.

First of all: lose an extra pound a month. My Grammar Whore inside got the better of me, and I apologize.

Secondly: Don't knock that extra pound. Dangerously overweight people (such as myself) see that extra pound a month adding up to more weight loss in the long run and- when used properly- a much healthier body, and a far more healthy and productive lifestyle.

Whether being fat is caused by poor eating habits, sedentary lifestyle, eating disorder, or simple genetics it's an increasingly serious problem, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

Now... my problem with the thing is it's going to turn out to be another fad that people who didn't even bother trying eating less, eating better, and exercising more first are going to turn to as a quick 'miracle' fix. Quite a few of them don't think to consult a physician either, which anyone looking to lose some serious mass should ALWAYS do, whether they have the insurance or not. Push comes to shove, go to the ER. I'll gladly see my tax dollars used to fund your one trip to the ER for 'chest pain' to get healthy, versus paying for your quadruple bypass and subsequent aftercare. Much cheaper.

The Not-Psycho-Bitch-Jess

Anonymous said...

Hmm...no one else seemed to catch it, or comment on it...

You said "Frelling".

keep up the good work

Songbird said...

You said "Frelling".

Just seemed so natural to me, I skipped right past it.

Frakkin' sci-fi fans and their bowdlerizin' ways!

Anonymous said...

Nothing in it can be used to make illegal drugs. Orlistat is a compound that deactivates some digestive enzymes, making it difficult to process fat and thus, you don't absorb as much of it.

I suspect the theft is people who are looking for a miracle drug but don't want to pay the high price to try it. $68 is a steep cost of entry.

Anonymous said...

you made the consumerist

j-yo said...

Great, now you'll have a bunch of fat people with anal leakage walking around your store.

My heart goes out to you.

CreditJerk said...

I can't believe people would actually want to steal something like this. That's funny. People are obsessed with losign weight. I guess this one was really desparite.

Anonymous said...

We haven't had any stolen at my store. They put the spider wraps on them that they use for the dvd box sets.

Best Loans said...

Still the lazy dudes sleep the thieves will do their business very well.

thenineteen said...

I love you. I only thought I loved you until I realized you were using "frelling"

You win.

I'm a long-time lurker, and I wanted to congratulate you on finally being free of that place. I worked there once for three weeks doing "construction" (Shoving the shelves around a few feet to compete with the new Target) and was paid for two weeks.

Yes, I shop there. I kind of have to. But I avoid it whenever possible.

Rupinder said...
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Anonymous said...

It could also be a way for people that abuse opioid narcotics to relieve their constipation. Opioid drugs cause massive constipation and Alli and a hamburger will clear it up. I worked at Sam's Club for a long time and saw plenty of this stuff stolen.