Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dog vs. Daughter '08: You Decide

I have decided that it is something in the water at Wal-Mart that leads to bad parenting. The scenes I was privy to Sunday serve as absolute and final proof that there should be mandatory intelligence testing before the conception equipment ever gets unlocked.

Chastity before fecundity. That's my new motto. Really. If you made it harder to screw, I bet America would get a lot smarter a lot faster.

Anyway. I'm doing a return for this idiot man who bought a phone charger without actually TESTING to see if it fit his phone. THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE THE ENDS OF THE CORDS STICKING OUT OF THE BOX!

He's got his daughters with them. Cute enough kids in little sundresses. One has what I thought was a stuffed dog toy. I'm mashing register buttons when I hear the man behind Idiot Phone Charger go "Oh, that's a real dog." **sigh**

I don't say anything, even though you are not supposed to have dogs in the store - and it is CLEARLY posted as such in about a million places. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because the alternative would have been to leave the children or the dog outside in a hot car on a Florida afternoon. Cue Department of Children and Families or ASPCA.

I'm feeling generous (bad mistake) so I let him finish the return and hope he'll just leave with the dog and his kids. No. No. No, no, no, no, no.

He heads straight out into the store.

I yell for a supervisor and point at the dog. They tell him he can't have the dog in the store. Idiot Phone Guy, the children and the dog exit toward the grocery entrance.

About 45 minutes later, as I'm returning some Wal-Mart sandals for a granola granny-type, the guy comes storming back up yelling at me.

Apparently, just leaving was not an option. HE HAD TO SHOP. TODAY. RIGHT NOW.

So he left a nine-year-old girl, a six-year-old girl and a dog on the bench outside the store and came back inside for 45 minutes to shop.

When he got back outside, one of the girls said that "a man talked to her." He was screaming at me because I was allegedly the one who made him take his children and the dog outside and leave them. I didn't let him "protect" his children. Wal-Mart should let him bring his dog in to shop. Why did I have to "be like that?'

All this went on for about 1o minutes with him just yelling and yelling and yelling and yelling. A supervisor came up and tried to ask him exactly what happened, i.e. did we need to call the police? Give us a description of the man. What? Don't just yell at how we MADE YOU FOLLOW THE RULES!

Here are my questions:

1) When is it an option to take a dog shopping to a supermarket?
2) In the galaxy of options, when is it a realistic parenting choice to leave your children sitting outside a Wal-Mart for 45 minutes while you go buy things?
3) But if you absolutely must purchase diapers or medicine and want to keep the kids with you, why not put the dog in the car? And make it quick! I am framing this as a dog vs. children issue, not an issue of puppy parenting. DO NOT FLAME ME DOG-LOVERS! I do not advocate ever leaving an animal in the car. Leave it at home in comfort.
4) Better yet, why not take the dog home and come back?


X_LA_Native said...

Better yet, why not take the dog home and come back?
But...but...but...THAT requires common sense!

Love your stories. I fill in doing Tech Support and some days, it's all I can do to drag my azz to the cubicle.

Anonymous said...

Ack. People are just stupid.

1) When wittwe snoogums-woogums is considered to be an equal part of the "family", like a human child
2) When you're a moron or a crazed dog-lover. Usually both.
3) But, but, but...our little puppy has to come with us EVERYWHERE. God forbid we leave him in the backyard like a regular dog.
4) Too easy.

FARfetched said...

Argh. I agree, there should be breeding licenses that involve some ability to function as a productive member of society.

The dog stays home. I wouldn't leave a dog in a car in Florida this time of year.

Anonymous said...

He made a piss-poor decision (leaving the kids outside), and then failed to take responsibility for it, and instead tried to blame you.

I bitched a woman out the other week for leaving a toddler in a car with the windows down, while she was inside the convenience store buying Red Bull and other crap. Her responses - "I can see him from here" "I didn't think I was going to be in here this long."

I should have called the cops.

Some people simply should have never had children.

Anonymous said...

"Chastity before fecundity"

I love it. My dogs are my children, but I wouldn't even dream of taking them to PetSmart. Home is much safer, more comfortable, and easier on all involved.

I have been reading this for a while and just love it!

Anonymous said...

They should've called the police. Then he would have to explain why his dumb ass left his minor children unattended for 45 minutes and put the cuffs on him. Stupid people blame others for their own stupid decisions.

Great blog by the way.

Anonymous said...

I am an animal lover, and I must say that anyone who takes offense to your comment that under the circumstances the dog should be left in the car (window down, for a short time) is retarded. You did the right thing.

I had to tell a women who tried to sneak her dog in in her purse to leave. When she asked why, I explained that since we sell food it is a health hazard. She must have thought I was stupid because she tried to let me go "tell her friend she would be outside" When I asked what her friend was wearing or her name so I could let her know she said never mind and left.

Anonymous said...

THE STUPID, it burns!!!!!! I really do feel sorry for you. I work retail as well. Thankfully not for much longer.

Grumpy Housewife said...

Good Christ.

This is why there should be some fucking chlorine in the gene pool IMMEDIATELY.

And why some people should have to pass a test to prove they're not too fucking stupid to own a pet rock before they have live pets, or live children.

Stupid people, I tell you....

Rob the Webkahunah said...

You know, there was another option... tie the dog up outside somewhere in the shade and take the kids inside to finish shopping.

Then again, he was probably more afraid of creey looking dog-nappers than of creepy looking kidnappers.

Library Rat said...

If your WalMart still has firearms, next time you can offer to just shoot the dog for him. That way he can keep his kids with him.

As a dog lover, I wouldn't actually do it, but the look on his face would be priceless at the mere suggestion.

CoderForChrist said...

They used to have that sort of screening, actually. Remember those school projects where you have to take care of an egg-baby? I hear that the students who failed underwent forced sterilization. Then someone brought up that whole "Constitutionality" thing, and the experiment got dropped.

At least, that's what the crazy homeless drunk on the street told me the other day.

Oh, and the anonymous who mentioned PetSmart: I thought they let you bring pets into the store? Or was that the other pet-shop...I don't remember.

Didds said...

Why not just tie the dog up outside?

And I uh, did this guy leave his kids outside alone even longer so he could come inside and yell at you?

Anonymous said...

He probably blames McDonalds for his obesity and Philip Morris for his Lung Cancer as well.

Anonymous said...

It is illegal in Florida to leave a child or animal in a car for even a second.

Found on

"...leaving an animal in a parked car, unattended, with no shelter from the heat in Florida, is a third degree felony and punishable by up to 5 years in prison or $10,000 fine, or both. This is addressed in the Florida Statutes 828.12 relating to animal cruelty."

Anonymous said...

They should've called the police. Then he would have to explain why his dumb ass left his minor children unattended for 45 minutes and put the cuffs on him. Stupid people blame others for their own stupid decisions.

He probably blames McDonalds for his obesity and Philip Morris for his Lung Cancer as well.

My thoughts exactly.
People sooo piss me the fuck off.

Will said...

My plan is thus:

1) Every child is licked into a chastity belt at, oh , say 2 years old

2)The belt is adjusted as aging occurs

3)The belt cannot be removed official until after the wearer has completed a two-year curriculum on sex and parenting

Anonymous said...

Drunk, stupid, and fat is no way to go through life.
--Vernon Wormer

Clark said...

I loved my dog and took her for car rides which she loved but I'd never think of taking her in the store.
Some people (as mentioned many times before) shouldn't breed.
I can't imagine leaving my kids outside a walmart waiting for 45 minutes!!!

Anonymous said...

Vernon, you're right. Stupid is no way to go through life.

Jess sayin.

Debo Blue said...

If that was me he was yelling and screaming at, I would have had a peer call and report two abandoned chilren, then gleefully watch as he's hauled away!

PS-Vernon is a hater.

Anonymous said...

DUH...Vernon Wormer is a character from the movie "Animal House".

j-yo said...

Why do people insist on bringing their damned dogs everywhere? I love my dog like there's no tomorrow but it's bad enough that I have to shop with kids; I don't need a drooling four-legged furball (no matter how cute) tripping me up.

And why do some of these morons put their little dogs in handbags? Are they legless? Do they double as wallets?

I have so many questions but I fear the answers....

Julie said...

OK - so you don't know me - but I have to share my story with you. I work at World Market and we have a really large wine department. I had a lady come in yesterday with a child in a stroller - and she purchased some wine. One her way out the door, she dropped her wine which she immediately went after, but she LET GO OF THE STROLLER! So her child is rolling down the incline into traffic - but she did save her bottle of wine...lmao.

I have had a great time reading your blog. Thanks for the laughs.


Matthew said...

fecundity. Anybody that can use this word in a sentence deserves a better job than you have.

Steelheading said...

Here are my questions:

1) When is it an option to take a dog shopping to a supermarket?

All you have to do is say your dog is a service animal. There is a catch-22 regarding this. 1)Under Federal law you must allow all service animals. 2) It is against federal law to ask for proof that a animal is a service animal.
Up here were I live in Portland that loophole is used all the time to allow dogs into grocery stores.

bella said...

i just got my first house-dog and that is just what she is. shes a yorkie-poo and i love her very much. shes only 7 weeks old and and weighs 12 ounces. i live in mississippi and this is july. for those of you who dont know, its hot in mississippi july and humid. we have 5 large outside dogs. 2 are large pits who love her but if they play with her the least bit ruff, could kill her. shes not old enuff to be crate or house trained yet and im not leaving her outside while i drive 25 mintues to walmart to shop then shop then drive all that way back to my house. these dogs get hypoglycemic quickly and they need to be in a cool place and they need to be watched. shes only been with 3 days so shes not in a routine yet and i dont feel that leaving her alone just yet is good for her. if walmart dont want my business, ill be more than happy to find a business that does. if they dont want me to use the puppy carrier they sell in their stores, then stop carrying them. my husband has always said walmart is evil and ive taken up for them. now im beginning to think he is rite. how sad. count me as one who is now looking for a new place to shop cause i wont leave my child nor dog in my lexus suv in this hot weather or ever. id rather not have either kidnapped. watch the news ppl. this world is evil. i love my son and my new puppy and ill do what i have to to keep them save and happy while i shop in ANY store even the ever-precious walmart. mmmmm anyone notice how many problems they are having internally lately???? hmmm makes you wonder........what goes around comes around.......looks like walmart is finding that out