Friday, June 15, 2007

Chicken. And ice cream

I wrote this Sunday night. I read it and then held off posting because I have been trying to pay more attention to my karmic goodness. I was shocked at how angry I was. I re-read it today and decided to let it go -- especially in light of the "Wal-Mart loses $3 billion in theft" stuff that's floating around. Really, we just give stuff away. And we're powerless to stop it."

Look dude. I hope you go straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Go straight to hell. And no, the fact that you had your CHILD with you does not in one single way mitigate the fact that you are a lying sack of flung monkey poo.

Someone riddle me this. HOW DO YOU spend a TOTAL of $21 at register #16 - and somehow manage to FORGET the only two items on the receipt that cost more than $5 - namely a footlong package of Tyson chicken and a tub of Blue Bunny mint chocolate chip ice cream?

Yeah, I know you were "in a hurry." I can't imagine being in such a hurry that you allegedly PAID IN CASH and managed to forget this stuff.

You did not even have the nerve to look me in the eye when I asked you "You're telling me you FORGOT two pounds of chicken and a tub of ice cream?"

"Uh huh." Uh-huh. You either picked that receipt up off the ground or else that chicken and ice cream is sitting out in your car right now.

I hope you get a chicken bone stuck in your throat. I don't want you dead. What I want is when someone Heimlichs you, I hope they crack a rib or two. I want you to suffer. I want every breath you take to remind you of your ill-gotten gains. Plus, I hope every single bowl of that ice cream gives you an ice cream headache. And 2o cavities to boot.

Remember, Mithra is watching.

8 comments:

FARfetched said...

I don't know about the karma part. Giving a care about this stuff, especially for a Wal-mart job, has to count for something.

On the other hand, those carousel bag-dispenser thingies seem designed to encourage people to leave stuff behind. Given that chicken & ice cream are both cold items, it's not unthinkable that they'd be in the same bag & that bag could have been overlooked.

Buy if this guy a) was lying; b) had his kid with him as a prop; then karma (or God) will deal with him. I could understand it if this was the only way his family was going to get a meal that day — but criminny, leave the kid out of it.

Anonymous said...

well if he didnt really forget them thats why theres a log at customer service you fill out if they forgot their bags.... however all they need to do is yell and they will get their stuff anyways it sucks... thats another thing if people forget their cold bags like steak and stuff we are told to immediately put it in claims.... what a waste especially if its a cold orange juice i went and took it back

chunes said...

Anonymous:

Are you seriously suggesting that when a customer walks up to me any says "I was in your store yesterday and I forgot this and that and this" that I should say "tough beans" if their items are not in the log?

*I can't do that,* and here's why—cashiers don't properly log left-behind items. The turnover is way too high to keep more than half the cashiers trained on how to do this, and to do so would require far more time than I have and more babysitting than I'm willing to put up with.

So, knowing we don't log everything, I cannot in good conscience deny a customer their items because they are not in the log. It's totally pointless to even look at the log. The only thing it's good for is to reinforce the fact that not everyone in this world is a lying sack of cow dung during those 10% of cases when the items *are* in the log.

Justin said...

Yeah... bad karma.

Anonymous said...

Chunes:

"cashiers don't properly log left-behind items. The turnover is way too high to keep more than half the cashiers trained on how to do this, and to do so would require far more time than I have and more babysitting than I'm willing to put up with."

Are you kidding me with this? Come on. If they're able to punch numbers into a till, they can write down what's in a bag on a piece of paper. Even if they don't speak/write English, they can write down UPC's. Give me a break! "Properly log?" You're talking about *writing a list*, not recording oceanic coordinates for the g.d. Navy!

Anonymous said...

About the log book Chunes is correct. The cashiers were I work at couldn't give a rat's butt about anything. God help them if they actually attempt to write down anything. It is almost liking trying to chart the universe for them.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sayin to deny their bags im just saying to look in the log or even pretend to so they don't think your easy and cna just come up and say whatever... also i have had a problem with customers taking other customers bags so that log doesnt work all the time but i fill it out anyways... and if we are returning tvs that are a year old for refunds Im sure no one gives a care about 2 or 3 items

osisbs said...

Menards can go back and watch your entire transaction on video and determine if a) you bought the chicken and ice cream in the first place and b) if you took it with you.