Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Applied stupidity

Yes, summer's here and bored teenagers everywhere are looking for summer jobs. The WASPy ones landed on the job ladder the local Aeropostale or Abercrombie store. The lesser WASPs landed at the GAP or some other mall store folding clothes. The rung under that landed at Auntie Anne's making pretzels.

The rung under that is sacking groceries and pushing in the carts at Publix. The last rung on the ladder is mowing yards in the hellish muggy heat of a Florida summer and being eaten alive by freshwater AND saltwater mosquitoes.

The ones who didn't bother to get onto the summer job ladder send their MOTHERS out to the Wal-Mart to start asking questions about jobs.

So this woman comes up around 10:3o p.m. on a Sunday night. "How old do you have to be to work here?"

"Um, 18." Wal-Mart used to hire 16-year-olds, but there are special laws about how long they can work, so they rarely bother with it anymore.

"OK. Can I have an application then?"

"No ma'am. It is all done on the computer." And I point to the hiring computer.

"Oh. I just want one for my son. He needs a summer job."

Really. Let's enumerate the reasons this is going to fail:
1) If your son is just not getting into the job hunt, he's obviously not very motivated. Really, school let out two weeks ago. It starts again in eight weeks. You might as well just order in a supply of Cheetos and get a TV Guide subscription.
2) Why are you picking up applications, and not mummy's little prince? Cut off the access to the car, or at least to gas until he gets a job. You'll be amazed how fast that will happen!
3) You're wearing aWal-Mart knock-off A&W root beer T-shirt, cut-0ffs and blue flip flops. What is your CHILD going to wear to his job interview? Swim trunks?
4. Plus, I don't care how skinny you are - don't clip you cell phone to the waistband of your pants thisclose to your business. It just looks ignorant. Buy a holder. Or put it in your purse.

Also, to the ginormous fat man who sat in front of the hiring center machine for two hours and kept cursing under his breath at the personality questions - please use some deodorant. You might not think you smell, but believe me, you CERTAINLY DO!

Thirdly, to the rude man who forgot his password to retrieve his application from the hiring center machine - IT IS NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE AS DUMB AS A SACK OF HAMMERS. Really? How hard is it to remember a PIN number?

I can't pull your password out of my magic bag of tricks. Would you really want me to? Believe me, if I could, I'd give you work experience in Iraq, Afghanistan and Iran. Possibly Syria and the Sudan for good measure. With the appropriate references. And I'm not talking about the Peace Corps here. When I tell you that "I'm sorry sir, I can't help you retrieve your password," don't make "Hmpft" sounds at me and then go "Well, I guess I just won't finish my application then."

Really, I don't care. If it were up to me, I'd make the application as hard as possible. I don't care about work experience. Can you think for yourself? Obviously you're a moron who can't remember a PIN.

Wait. Actually, he's probably perfect for Wal-Mart!

10 comments:

DolfanDad said...

Hey BBC did you see the latest news story from the AP? $3bil in theft last year for wal-mart! If I would have read this story before reading your blog I wouldn't have believed it, but getting a first hand account at how easy it is to pull a game at wal-mart, its just about right. Maybe they'll start to take this serious.

Here's the Link!

Library Rat said...

You should see some of the applications we get from students who want to work at the library for the University of College.

I would've expected some of the people to be a bit more educated, or at least not tell me stuff about themselves or their work habits that immediately disqualifies them.

And, yes, spelling counts. Do not send me your app if you used l33t or txt...

Anonymous said...

"Wait. Actually, he's probably perfect for Wal-Mart!"

You work there too...right Einstein?

FARfetched said...

I was thinking Momser was getting fed up with the kid sitting around & decided to take matters into her own hands.

The Boy, as shameful as it is to admit, would probably fall into this category. He'll work his @$$ off if he likes what he's doing, but won't do squat if he's not interested. Then there are the minor details of hardware sticking out of his ears & lips, and the long stringy hair that he won't get cut (even if it costs him a good-paying job). He hasn't realized that the world doesn't play by his rules yet, and his parents are about to quit the game too.

Anonymous said...

You work there too...right Einstein?

*Sigh*

Why be mean? Isn't there enough negatives in the world without you adding to the mix? This is a person's blog where they vent. Are you being forced to view?

Anonymous said...

On the topice "forgotten password", this was a common question to me as I sat at the reference desk in a public library. "Can you tell me my password?" I always wanted to respond, "Well, did you give it to me when you came up with it? No? There's your answer then."

The Sassy Editorialist said...

Farfetched-- I'm only 27, yet I so don't get the whole, "I'm not changing my appearance to get a job" attitude. I also don't get the, "I just crawled out of the trash heap look" period.


Do you ever watch Judge Judy? Some of the people on there, mainly ages 18-23/24, there is no doubt as to why they are unemployed and when JJ mentions this to them, they look bewildered.

What is wrong with people? I say the internet & IM has played a large part in allowing people to be dumb. Ironic that they refer to this as the, "Information Age"... guess people just choose not to take advantage of it.

FARfetched said...

Hey Sassy... you know, looks shouldn't count — but they do. I don't watch much TV at all, but I know exactly what you're talking about. As for me, I liked to wear my hair fairly long when I was 19, but I'd cut it at job-hunting time.

The Boy, however, is delusional. He thinks he's this >< far away from being the next heavy metal star.

Anonymous said...

I'm a minor I work for Wal-mart... you can only cashier or greet... Im a cashier and you can only work from 6am-11pm and only till 10pm on school nights ..

Anonymous said...

BBC has the right plan. Just cut off Juniors access to everything that costs money. Car, Phone, Internet etc.

I have a friend with a daughter like this: 21 years old, hasnt worked more than 6 weeks since she graduated high school. But Mom keeps paying the bills, so why worry...*grumble*