Some day, I'm going to win. Some days, the white trash is going to win. Some days, I just shouldn't get out of bed at all. Some days, I really should have a Web cam.
I had a dead ringer for Jessica Simpson stroll up to my counter Sunday night. This girl ... blonde - although I'm pretty sure it came from a bottle - legs that went on for days and that ended in actual, real, live cowgirl boots. The blue-jean shorts were a little too short (and tight) for good taste - but hey, it's only the Wal-Mart.
The real killer was the too-tight (and way, way too worn out) Budweiser T-shirt tied into a knot under her generous ... ummm ... "assets." I just know this girl was like Miss Swamp Cabbage or Miss Hometown Chevrolet at some point or something. She just had that country beauty queen look.
And the country boyfriend. Dirty white work pants splattered with paint. God, I hope it was brown paint. I really don't want to know what else it might have been. He had on a Bud Light T-shirt. I guess no one drinks Old Milwaukee anymore. And about six teeth in his head.
She's got a bag full of cleaning supplies and some story about how her momma got evicted from her trailer and how her new trailer doesn't have a tile floor or a glass top stove and now she doesn't need all this stuff. Shockingly, she actually does have a receipt.
I start trying to find all the stuff on the receipt. The boyfriend is whining about how long it is taking. He's pulling on her and is like "Baby, we got to get movin'. We got to get us some beer and get over to yo momma's for the barbecue. What kinda beer yo' momma want?" Maybe he just needed a fix. He was kind of edgy.
I'm looking for the stuff on the receipt, and I hear her tell him, "Baby, why don't you go get me some smokes?" He leaves for Register 15, and she yanks another small bag out of her purse. "Can you return this real quick? I didn't want anyone else to see."
"Is there anything wrong with them ma'am?"
"Naw. We don't need them no more. We decided we's gonna have us a baby."
The gene pool really needs a better filter.