Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Penguins or Frodo - take your pick

I don't care if you're Mother Teresa. If you bring up an open DVD and claim that when you got home "the DVD was gone," I'm going to look at you funny. The entire concept of caveat emptor goes back to Latin times and does not excuse you from frankly being dumber than a sack of hammers.

I know you're stupid. You're shopping at Wal-Mart in the first place. But rolling in with the bonus DVD for "Happy Feet" and claiming that the empty box for it was what you got when you intended to purchase the fullscreen edition of "Happy Feet" is a thin tale.

Then telling me "They couldn't scan it at the register, so they just got another one. That manager, the black one, he approved it." OK. Managers don't have to approve merchandise that doesn't scan. The cashier can type in the item and department number, or get another item just like it. But there's rarely a manager involved, especially over a $19.96 movie.

Either way, I've got an empty box and a woman telling me "I just want the movie." Uh-huh. So you've got either a penguin fetish or an Elijah Wood fetish. That, or a dealer with a penguin fetish. Or an Elijah Wood fetish.

But I'm not giving you the money back for this movie. So go to Electronics and get one.

An hour later, she's back, proclaiming "This is the only copy of 'Happy Feet' left." Seriously, I doubt it. The dancing penguins won an Oscar. I don't think we're sold out yet.

But I go to exchange the movies, and as I prepare to open the new DVD, I have to stop because guess what, the one she brought back HAD ALREADY BEEN PILFERED!

Jesus. What is it with the freaking penguins? Or Elijah Wood?

So I'm like, "Look ma'am, you're going to have to go get another copy of 'Happy Feet."

"But that was the only one. I want my money back."

"Ma'am, I can't give you money back for an EMPTY BOX."

"Well, you sold it to me."

"Ma'am, if the movie was stolen, we are happy to give you the movie. I can tell you if any of the other FIVE Wal-Marts within ten miles has the movie. You said when you came in you just wanted to see the movie."

"Well, now I don't want to drive anywhere else. I want my money back."

So she keeps yelling and some dopey manager comes up, listens to her whine and makes me give her $21 and change back -- IN CASH.

Maybe I'll start returning empty CD cases.

10 comments:

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

OK, even I'm not THAT bad. Returning empty DVD cases?!

Although just the other day, I did think about buying a new printer ink cartridge so I could return the cartridge I bought approximately a year ago -- that had never been used but was all dried up -- in its place and get my $50 back.

Don't throw eggs at me, please. I said I was just "thinking"...

Karyn said...

Dude, you rock. Just sayin, you know? I love my wal-mart, hwy 280, shop there every week...

Erik said...

To Heidi: Most ink cartridges are vacuum sealed and anyone who took a cursory glance at the used one could see that there is wear and tear on it.

It is also fraud no matter how you look at it.

Grumpy Housewife said...

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.

I had to return an empty box where there SHOULD have been a Diablo II game last week. The little book was there, but no software.

I didn't want my money back, I wanted the damn game!

Fortunately, the ladies in Customer Service were very nice, told me that I wasn't the first person who had come back to the store with an empty box and a "WTF?" look on their face, because some asshole decided that it was a good idea to slit the seal, and steal the software. Fuckers.

So, I went back to Electronics, and exchanged an empty box for one that had actual software in it. I'm STILL pissed that some stupid fucker decided it was cool to slit the seal and steal the fucking software. Assholes.

But, Wal-Mart was very nice about it, thankfully!

Stewart said...

If this website was some kind of wal-mart anti-theft campaign, it would be genius. There is no better all-night-no-sleep type reading than this.

Rodger said...

One time my friend got a sealed DVD for Christmas and it was empty. Everything was factory sealed still, papers were in it, just no DVD. He contacted the manufacturer and they said that yes, they'd had a bad run in their machines, and they replaced it.

Moral of the story: Contact the manufacturer, not Wal-Mart.

John said...

That has happened twice to me at the Wal-Mart. Once with a copy of World of Warcraft, and once with a copy of Star Trek 2.

In both cases, the CSRs were helpful, and allowed me to exchange them for new copies. I did, however, open both of them in store to make sure that they actually contained product.

Songbird said...

Yup, my hubby and I always open DVDs and software right in the store as well. Not only so as to save the trouble of contacting the manufacturer or looking shifty coming back with an empty case, but also to save a return trip if it's scratched.

Those bargain movies at Wal-Mart, in particular...the cases are cheap, and the little "teeth" where the DVD snaps in often break off, so that the disc slides around in the case with the little pieces of broken plastic and gets scratched all to heck. When I worked in Wal-Mart's Electronics section, I always pulled the ones that rattled significantly and advised customers to get a fresh copy if they brought one to my register.

A Suburban Socialite said...

Songbird, thanks for looking out, I've bought a brand new DVD which turned out to be scratched for that very reason.

Also, is there anything to the urban myth about Wal-Mart's security deactivation thingies damaging the discs? I've never had that problem, but I've heard people swear that they will never buy DVDs there.

Anonymous said...

Um...you do realize that only Elijah Wood's voice is used in the movie?

Do you have a Wood fetish? (Ha!)