I don't care if you're Mother Teresa. If you bring up an open DVD and claim that when you got home "the DVD was gone," I'm going to look at you funny. The entire concept of caveat emptor goes back to Latin times and does not excuse you from frankly being dumber than a sack of hammers.
I know you're stupid. You're shopping at Wal-Mart in the first place. But rolling in with the bonus DVD for "Happy Feet" and claiming that the empty box for it was what you got when you intended to purchase the fullscreen edition of "Happy Feet" is a thin tale.
Then telling me "They couldn't scan it at the register, so they just got another one. That manager, the black one, he approved it." OK. Managers don't have to approve merchandise that doesn't scan. The cashier can type in the item and department number, or get another item just like it. But there's rarely a manager involved, especially over a $19.96 movie.
Either way, I've got an empty box and a woman telling me "I just want the movie." Uh-huh. So you've got either a penguin fetish or an Elijah Wood fetish. That, or a dealer with a penguin fetish. Or an Elijah Wood fetish.
But I'm not giving you the money back for this movie. So go to Electronics and get one.
An hour later, she's back, proclaiming "This is the only copy of 'Happy Feet' left." Seriously, I doubt it. The dancing penguins won an Oscar. I don't think we're sold out yet.
But I go to exchange the movies, and as I prepare to open the new DVD, I have to stop because guess what, the one she brought back HAD ALREADY BEEN PILFERED!
Jesus. What is it with the freaking penguins? Or Elijah Wood?
So I'm like, "Look ma'am, you're going to have to go get another copy of 'Happy Feet."
"But that was the only one. I want my money back."
"Ma'am, I can't give you money back for an EMPTY BOX."
"Well, you sold it to me."
"Ma'am, if the movie was stolen, we are happy to give you the movie. I can tell you if any of the other FIVE Wal-Marts within ten miles has the movie. You said when you came in you just wanted to see the movie."
"Well, now I don't want to drive anywhere else. I want my money back."
So she keeps yelling and some dopey manager comes up, listens to her whine and makes me give her $21 and change back -- IN CASH.
Maybe I'll start returning empty CD cases.