Given my erm, "delight" at the joys of working with old people, I'm still not clear why I decided to move to a state commonly noted as "God's Waiting Room," nor to specifically choose and area with occasional old people scattered about like an aberrant Johnny Appleseed went about sowing the seeds of senility.
But I digress.
This lovely, bright, chirpy old bird rolls in Sunday afternoon during the after-church crush with a tied-off Wal-Mart bag. Tied-off bags generally don't mean good news - stinky cheese, rotten meat, something nasty.
She starts trying to untie the bag but her arthritis kicks in and I'm like "You want me to cut it open?" I always ask so they move their hands and I don't lop of a gnarled digit. Old people always want to "help" by holding something. I drilled a woman once with a staple and was totally unapologetic. "Ma'am, you did insist on holding the receipts."
As I'm cutting, I realize the bag is COLD. Sure enough, I cut it open and she's got two gigantic one-gallon Ziploc bags rubberbanded around a package of Tyson Chicken Quesadillas.
"Umm. Did you want to return these?"
"I do. My friend Louise bought these for me and I don't want them. You can put them right back on the shelf. They're still cold. I just got out of the car."
"I appreciate the effort ma'am, but we can't re-stock food that has left the store. It is a FDA rule because we can't guarantee to our customers that that food is safe to eat."
"But this chicken is still cold."
"All right ma'am. Do you have the receipt?" And sure enough, she must have wrangled it out of this mythical "Louise." $5.98 for perfectly good frozen chicken quesadillas.
I'm giving her the money and then I ask "Do you want to take your Ziploc bags and ice back? The bags are expensive - and she brought the real Ziploc ones, not the cheap knock-offs.
"Can you just empty it in the bucket?" Bucket? What bucket? Do you see a bucket? What Yankee state are you from that you call a trash can a bucket?
"Ma'am, I can throw it away, but I really don't have anywhere to dump two gallons of ice and water back here."
"Oh, OK, just throw it away then."