Help the aged

Old people just love to play the sympathy card. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I don't care that your joints hurt, that those pills are too big to swallow (yes - that was a real excuse for returning something), that the pills gave you gas, that you didn't want the one with caffeine, that you can't have anything with sugar or that you simply MUST have your prescription now. If you really want some good service - go to the Publix.

And then there's the old people that don't really have anything wrong with them - they just try to trade on the fact that they're old and want you to think - "Ohhhh. Cuddly old person. Like Granny or Pappy. Let me help them out because maybe I'll be old one day and be forced to shop at Wal-Mart and try to stretch my tiny Social Security check." Yeah. Old people scammers. Sharp as tacks. And now appearing at Wal-Marts everywhere.

So this old dude totters up Saturday. He's dressed in what I think of as Nursing Home Modern. Those horrible flat-front pale-blue shorts that old men LOVE. A fairly generic tan and white pullover polo shirt, fake black leather loafers and white calf socks. He obviously has access to sun, because he's not pale, but he's not exactly the specimen of health. And he's totally working the Captain Picard hairdo. He's just got unfortunate liver spot issues on his head.

Anyway. He's got a Walgreens bag with five things of ink cartridges.

**Sigh** These ink cartridge things are like an engraved invitation to steal - because they are like $28 bucks a pop and they're not locked up anymore because it is apparently too much of a "hassle" to find someone to unlock the case whenever a customer wants one.

Anyway. His story is that his printer "died" and he doesn't need these anymore. Did you not get a new printer? Are you printing in blood now? I'm wish I had free rein to logic-chop with the idiots who return stuff.

One ink cartridge package turns out to be from Target. We argue about that until I point out the Target bullseye on the side. He shuts up.

The total refund on the other four packages comes out to more than $130. I inform him of the policy of it being store credit and he goes "Can I get that in cash? My check isn't coming until the end of the month." And I care that you're bad with your money because?

"No sir, I can't. I can give them back to you, and you can look for the receipt. But right now, you can only get store credit."

"Are you sure you can't give me cash?" No. I only said that before because I don't know how to do my job. Plus, I really like standing here arguing with you.

"I'm very sure sir. For returns without a receipt, we issue our customers store credit."

"That's not acceptable. Get a manager."

WTF? "Not acceptable?" What's not acceptable is you asking for cash on something you probably stole. And looking at me like I served you a dead rat on a silver tray or something. "This return is not acceptable. Go into zee kitchen and brink me some cash."

So a manager comes over and sizes up the situation real quick. Now, they tend to be softies about taking back merchandise. But nobody - and I mean nobody - gives out cash for stuff without a receipt. Word will get out real quick and we'd have a worse theft problem than we do now!

So the assistant manager tells the man "Sir, that's all I can do. You can take a store credit, or you can take the merchandise home and look for the receipt."

And the old man goes "Now you look here. You don't want to take my checks. You can look in that computer and it will tell you that you don't want to take my checks. Now why don't you want to give me money."

"Sir, that's what we can do. Store credit. Now, what would you like to do?"

"Well I guess I'll return them then."

Well all right then. I wonder why we don't want to give you any money? I bet the old man bounces checks to. Or maybe he steals to support his check bouncing habit. I'll be real sad if he steals to pay for his medication. Aren't there programs for that?