Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Help the aged

Old people just love to play the sympathy card. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I don't care that your joints hurt, that those pills are too big to swallow (yes - that was a real excuse for returning something), that the pills gave you gas, that you didn't want the one with caffeine, that you can't have anything with sugar or that you simply MUST have your prescription now. If you really want some good service - go to the Publix.

And then there's the old people that don't really have anything wrong with them - they just try to trade on the fact that they're old and want you to think - "Ohhhh. Cuddly old person. Like Granny or Pappy. Let me help them out because maybe I'll be old one day and be forced to shop at Wal-Mart and try to stretch my tiny Social Security check." Yeah. Old people scammers. Sharp as tacks. And now appearing at Wal-Marts everywhere.

So this old dude totters up Saturday. He's dressed in what I think of as Nursing Home Modern. Those horrible flat-front pale-blue shorts that old men LOVE. A fairly generic tan and white pullover polo shirt, fake black leather loafers and white calf socks. He obviously has access to sun, because he's not pale, but he's not exactly the specimen of health. And he's totally working the Captain Picard hairdo. He's just got unfortunate liver spot issues on his head.

Anyway. He's got a Walgreens bag with five things of ink cartridges.

**Sigh** These ink cartridge things are like an engraved invitation to steal - because they are like $28 bucks a pop and they're not locked up anymore because it is apparently too much of a "hassle" to find someone to unlock the case whenever a customer wants one.

Anyway. His story is that his printer "died" and he doesn't need these anymore. Did you not get a new printer? Are you printing in blood now? I'm wish I had free rein to logic-chop with the idiots who return stuff.

One ink cartridge package turns out to be from Target. We argue about that until I point out the Target bullseye on the side. He shuts up.

The total refund on the other four packages comes out to more than $130. I inform him of the policy of it being store credit and he goes "Can I get that in cash? My check isn't coming until the end of the month." And I care that you're bad with your money because?

"No sir, I can't. I can give them back to you, and you can look for the receipt. But right now, you can only get store credit."

"Are you sure you can't give me cash?" No. I only said that before because I don't know how to do my job. Plus, I really like standing here arguing with you.

"I'm very sure sir. For returns without a receipt, we issue our customers store credit."

"That's not acceptable. Get a manager."

WTF? "Not acceptable?" What's not acceptable is you asking for cash on something you probably stole. And looking at me like I served you a dead rat on a silver tray or something. "This return is not acceptable. Go into zee kitchen and brink me some cash."

So a manager comes over and sizes up the situation real quick. Now, they tend to be softies about taking back merchandise. But nobody - and I mean nobody - gives out cash for stuff without a receipt. Word will get out real quick and we'd have a worse theft problem than we do now!

So the assistant manager tells the man "Sir, that's all I can do. You can take a store credit, or you can take the merchandise home and look for the receipt."

And the old man goes "Now you look here. You don't want to take my checks. You can look in that computer and it will tell you that you don't want to take my checks. Now why don't you want to give me money."

"Sir, that's what we can do. Store credit. Now, what would you like to do?"

"Well I guess I'll return them then."

Well all right then. I wonder why we don't want to give you any money? I bet the old man bounces checks to. Or maybe he steals to support his check bouncing habit. I'll be real sad if he steals to pay for his medication. Aren't there programs for that?

14 comments:

Addison said...

Once again, this is why they should be put out to pasture somewhere around 65. Unless their grandchildren vouch for them.

Anonymous said...

To Addison: When you turn 65, are you going to be happy turned out to pasture?

I know you're trying to be funny here, but I hope and pray when you get "old" (and you seem to think "old" is somewhere over 50), that people will be kind to you!

CoderForChrist said...

Granted, he might have gotten a printer that doesn't use that kind of ink cartridge, which is, in fact, very likely, since printer manufacturers refuse to agree on any standard.

Now, if it were me, I'd be satisfied with store credit if I could get the cartridges I do need there. At the same time, he could be short on cash, and trying to return something that he doesn't need anymore to get some cash.

Not that it's necessarily much better, but at least it's not outright theft...

Debo Blue said...

Poor little thing. Both you and the old guy.

If I had your job I'd have a crash dummy that I could pull out at any time. When customers start complaining I'd stick the dummy in place then leave for a drink until I think the stoopid customer has gone.

It could happen, most folk wouldn't know the difference between a dummy and a live person and y'all know I'm right.

FARfetched said...

Assuming he's one of the jillions of people who haven't woken up and stopped shopping at Walmart, I don't see why store credit wouldn't be a problem even with a tight cash situation. He could simply get what he needed for the rest of the month off his store credit.

It leads me to think he was up to something. Trying to return stuff from Target doesn't make me think any different. Like BBC said, old people scammers.

Suburban Socialite said...

If your Wal-Mart sells both food and prescriptions, what's the big deal? I would happily take the credit.

grundes said...

Suburban Socialite

May be he wanted a particular kind of herb that the Garden Center doesn't carry.

Anonymous said...

I really don't see how Walmart store credit isn't basically just as good as cash.
I mean...what can you not get there? Other than illegal substances.

Anonymous said...

Yes, whenever you are butting up against a policy that is in place to prevent theft, play the "I bounce checks" card - really helps your credibility.

Amber said...

If he has bounced a check and not paid for it, he wouldn't be able to return anything without a receipt until it was paid. So the guy either forgot to take his medication or was using a little extra "medication".

DolfanDad said...

"If I had your job I'd have a crash dummy that I could pull out at any time. When customers start complaining I'd stick the dummy in place then leave for a drink until I think the stoopid customer has gone."

Oh my God, that's the funniest mental image ever!!! I would pay to see someone do this!

BBC what you need to do is get a tv deal. You're telling me no one would watch hidden cameras at the service desk of your wal-mart!? I would!

Keep up the good work!

Sama5 said...

Off the subject but have you seen this?
http://money.aol.com/news/articles/_a/shoplifters-wear-i-stole-from-wal-mart/20070507112709990001

Maybe they should do this at your store!

someone said...

I'd just take the credit, but some stuff and return it all with my shiny new receipt.

Anonymous said...

Man, Ease up on the old people.

Some times what you say just makes me cringe.

Karma..it can be a bitch.