Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The labyrinth of options

Look. We all know that I think Wal-Mart shoppers are as dumb as a sack of hammers. Wait. That's not being fair to the hammers. But really. If you are prepare to spend $19.96 on a movie and not know that it is NOT in the English language and then want to return it because you are to stupid to read the package, I really do think you should be a) told no; b) slapped hard across the face and c) sterilized so that your genes cannot further poison the gene pool.

Yes. It's true. These idiot yuppies tossed a copy of "Pan's Labyrinth" in their cart Sunday afternoon.

Sunday night they're back in the store demanding to return the movie "because we didn't know it was in Spanish."

Um, what part of "Spanish with English subtitles" don't you understand?" Or the massive publicity campaign when it hit theaters less than five months ago? Or the even larger campaign when it was nominated for SIX academy awards and won three of them - including BEST FOREIGN FILM? It was also directed by a guy named Guillermo. Clue much?

Yuppies. They are verrrrry used to getting their way. I'm like "Umm. You didn't read the package at all did you? And you still opened it? I don't understand why you want me to return it."

"Oh, we didn't know it was in Spanish. We don't like subtitles."

And yes. Some manager let them return it.

Yuppies. **Sigh** I hope their cat pees on their bed every single day. Every single day.

19 comments:

Debo Blue said...

If I had your job I'd learn Latin so I could curse these people out and they'd not know.

Raz said...

That reminds me of a line from Beavis and Butthead, while watching a video with words on the screen:

"Uh, if I wanted to read, I'd go to school."

Anonymous said...

Meh, stupid yuppies. They don't know what they're missing. That's a fantastic movie!

Stacey said...

Don't say that. They'd probably bring the cat back.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Wmart should have an alert that comes up whenever the UPC for the movie is scanned - kinda like the recall alerts - WARNING - THIS MOVIE IS NOT IN ENGLISH....

Anonymous said...

I'm going to sound like a complete film snob here, but 'Pan's Labyrinth' did not win the "Best Foreign Film" Oscar. That honour went to the German film, 'The Lives Of Others'. You are correct that it won three Oscars.

By the by, although I'm a film snob, I don't judge and/or otherwise criticize people who don't share my taste in arty and foreign cinema. I realize that's what you do in this blog - you make fun of the way other people dress/talk/behave/etc. to make yourself feel better about your crappy job. And truth be told, I enjoy your writing, but please, drop the hate levels a little. Hate is easy - love for our fellow man is tough.

DolfanDad said...

"And truth be told, I enjoy your writing, but please, drop the hate levels a little. "

Waaaahhhh stop hating yuppies! Please, don't change a thing to this blog, if you guys don't like it than don't read it!

paulo said...

Wal-Mart impulse-buyers who hate reading? Unpossible!

grundes said...

If I were them I'd just learn Spanish. Good for Alzheimer's prevention, you know.

Sarah said...

Back when Passion of the Christ came out on dvd, I was working at a video store. We had to warn every single person who rented it that it was subtitled. A few people did put it back to wait for "it to come out in english". I laughed every time.

Meg said...

Cut down on the hate??? Go hug a tree...I love to sit here and mock other people...Using comparison is a great coping skill...

Library Rat said...

I have one use for yuppies (and hippies). They should fed (live and awake) into a wood chipper to make fertilzer for my lawn.

Songbird said...

Setting aside any discussion of whether said yuppies were stupid to buy it, they CAN'T flat out return an opened DVD. It's the law, isn't it?

I think your manager ate a lot of wall candy as a child.

Suburban Socialite said...

Uncultured rednecks, no doubt. It would have been funnier if they had bought Bad Education instead :)

Anonymous said...

Just curious - what, in your own words, is a yuppie? Also, how would you define a hippie?

Perhaps old age has made me realize that labels are dangerous things. When you think about it, labels were at the heart of every major war and/or conflict. Jew, Protestant, Catholic, Taliban, Hindu, Mohawk, Apache, White, Black, Communist, Fascist, Rich, Poor, Unionized Worker, Management .... and the list goes on. When does the hatred end? Do you eventually teach your children and grandchildren who they should hate? "Brittany, don't be friends with Sara. She doesn't like subtitled films. And don't talk to that boy - he doesn't wear coordinated outfits". Holey shit people - humanity is officially fucked if we follow your lead.

Assuming that the majority of people posting on this blog are younger than 30 (25??), I want to know how you could have accumulated so much hatred in such a short time. In your own words, of course.

Meg said...

Puh-leaze...I am 33 and if this is how I choose to spend my time--mocking unfortunate people--than so be it...I spend my whole work day serving those in need and this is my release...

Let me ask you something..why do you come to this site if it is filled with such hatred??? Why torture yourself?

Sam said...

Dear Anonymous,

I think you are misinterpreting the reason for this blog. Where you see hatred, I see coping mechanism.

I think this is the healthiest way to deal with such a stressful job.

Peace Out.

j-yo said...

Do you know why these people hate subtitles? THEY CAN'T READ! Why else would you purchase a movie you hadn't seen before, a movie that was highly publicized and reviewed as being a Spanish movie? Does the effort of trying to sound out the letters at the bottom of the screen hurt their brains?

I plan to purchase a copy of Pan's Labyrinth soon because I saw it in the theater and it was an amazing film. But, hey, I can read subtitles. I also don't shop at Wal-Mart. Connection?

Anonymous said...

I called back to our lovely electronic's department the other day and told them to post a little sign by the movie after we got our 5th movie to come back, and the management told me to go ahead and do it. Three of them argued that it's not their fault it's all in spanish. the package doesn't say it is in spanish. I cooly point at Spanish With English and Spanish Subtitles, and I say it slowly. They blink. Then, 'Oh. Well had I known that I wouldn't have bought it.' But now thanks to our nifty thrifty consumer friendly WARNING we no longer have this issue.