Wednesday, February 14, 2007


I hate returning vacuum cleaners. Really. If you buy it at Wal-Mart, you should already know that it's trash. So why buy it there? Go to Sears and buy a decent Kenmore model. Don't think you're going to save money buying some piece of trash at the Wal-Mart. We have to return at least five vacuum cleaners a day -- either in the box or out of the box.

The ones out of the box are a real mess -- because that usually means that the idiot who bought it threw out the receipt AND the box. So now they're trying to get a store credit for something that's probably been used and abused all over the floor of their double-wide since last August and is only being returned because they're short of money to buy supplies for the meth lab.

Anyway. This free-range white trash heifer walks in wearing ragged cut-offs, pink flip-flops (with sparkles) and a ripped up white Budweiser tee that was a size too small and didn't do anyting to hide her muffin top. The bleach-blonde look needed a refresher and the gum-smacking was just way, way, waaaaaaaaaay too Valley-Girl-wannabe. If she even knew what a Valley Girl was.

She's dragging a Bissel vacuum cleaner and I just cringe inside when I see it. You just know this is a case of it being the middle of the month and this heifer being out of cash and returning whatever happened to be sitting around the trailer.

She slings it up on the counter and in one huge breath goes "I had this for two weeks and it just stopped working and I hardly ever used it so and I threw away the box and the receipt so can I just get a card?"

And we think our customers are stupid. Nu-uh. They know EXACTLY how the return system works.

Unknown to most of them, the edict has come down that we have to look up the warranty on all big-ticket stuff returned without a receipt now. If it has warranty information in the system, we cannot return it. NO WAY NO HOW. Supposedly we lose too much money on returns. I'll say. So the computer says DO NOT RETURN on Bissel products without receipt.

I tell her and she goes totally bonkers and freaks out. "But I just want a card. I just bought it and it's not even used."

This vacuum cleaner looks like it was used to sweep out an elephant cage. And it's missing all the attachments. I keep telling her "NO" and she keeps demanding "a card" because she must have to buy meth supplies. Either that or cigarettes.

She finally realizes she's gonna get nowhere with me and demands a manager. WHO ROLLS OVER AND LETS HER RETURN THE BLASTED THING.

And you can bet I put 'RETURN APPROVED BY XXXXX' on that return slip.

I hope that stupid woman dies in a meth lab explosion. That or chokes to death on a Cheeto.


yellowdog granny said...

holy crap..I laughed my ass off...too too funny...thanks I needed that..

Penalt said...

Is there even a reason why they put these policies in place if they are not going to be followed? Or is Wally world trying for the largest number of simultaneous head implosions?

Rob the Webkahunah said...

Oh, I am so looking for "death by cheeto" in the obituaries from now on.

Anonymous said...

I needed that laugh today!

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your blogs. You seem to talk a lot about Karma. Do you realize that by saying I hope she dies in a meth lab explosion or I hope there is an axe murderer waiting for him, that you are putting out bad Karma yourself?

Anonymous said...

Uh-oh! You used the word, "heifer" again! The Society for the Fair Treatment of Sea Cows will soon be knocking down the door of your blog...again.

You are too funny! I can't even imagine trying to return something w/o all of the original parts, how tactless!

Anonymous said...

BBC, have you noticed at your store too, that everybody that comes in without a receipt almost always tells you that they "bought it two weeks ago"? When they tell us this we ask them if they bought it at this store.If they tell us yes, then we log into the SMART, use perpetual inventory and hit F5 to check daily for the past 7 or weekly sales for the last 5. If no sales then they get the manufacturer warranty only.

BitterEmployee said...

I hate when I get overridden at my store too, but ever since the system changed (at Target) we make the manager do the "illegal" returns under their number so they are the ones getting yelled at. So surprisingly, they RARELY override us anymore. ;)

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Chris said...

I hate when managers roll over. 6 monthswhen I worked at walmart a manager rolled over and let a customer return a playstation, not a playstation 2 just a regular one. No box or reciept and he kept the controller that came with it. He gave the customer a hundred out of the register.
I went back to turn it in to claims and the lady was like what i am supposed to do with this, we haven't sold them for over a year.

Will said...

"Free range white trash heifer"...that just makes my day!!