Veggie tales

I really don't understand the mindset of certain consumers who will buy nearly out-of-date perishable goods and then complain when the product goes bad.

YOU chose to spend money on that product. YOU must live with the consequences of that choice. HOW is it my fault that YOU made a poor choice? It's like having the choice between buying milk dated tomorrow and milk dated a week in the future. If you pick the milk dated tomorrow, you better drink it fast. BUT YOU FREELY BOUGHT THAT PARTICULAR MILK. This is not Soviet Russia. There is more milk there, but you didn't want it. Sucks to be you.

Anyway. The point of all this relates back to, you guessed it, a woman of a certain age who kept harping and harping and harping over this misbegotten vegetable tray Saturday.

She freely admitted that when she bought it, it was only one day left until the expiration date (so why the frell did you buy it then) and she kept saying "It just wasn't up to your usual standard." Four-star Michelin restaurant no doubt!

She went on and on and on: The broccoli was rotten, the carrots tasted funny and the peppers were limp. I just wanted to ask her "Well, why did you buy it then? You could see it only had one day left? What did you think you were getting? "Are you in the habit of getting stuff like that?"

I'm pretty sure she wanted me to apologize for the sad state of the Wal-Mart produce and make her feel better for her stupidity in buying a nearly out-of-date item. No. I'm nobody's emotional tampon. The Kotex is over in Aisle 3 of Pharmacy. There's a sale running through Wednesday.

So we had a Jedi standoff right there on top of Register 93. I'm looking at the vegetable tray, which is actually kind of rank. If she bought it just two days ago, there's no way all that damage happened in just 48 hours. So some of it must have been brown already. So she's obviously blind as well as stupid.

She's looking at me trying to work some sort of Kreskin magic. She keeps nattering over the veggie tray and making comments. I keep nodding and going "Mmm. Uh-huh." But I'm not apologizing.

In the end, I win. Really. I go toe-to-toe with the worst of humanity all day. Milquetoast housewives and veggie trays are just the hors d'ouvres before the real fight.

I was like "Mphf. So you want to return it then? OK. That's $10.41 back to your Visa card. Can you sign this copy for me? Thank you ma'am."

She left with the refund and sans the apology. Maybe she'll go to Publix next time. They have better produce anyway.