Well, it's junk

The past two weekends have really been ones for old receipts. Old receipts and hectoring women. Neither of whom got what they wanted.

The first was a real peach. She came in with two howler monkeys. One fat one with an ice cream cone and the other who never said a word but kept pressing buttons on an electronic game.

She plopped a Girl Scout Cookie box (Thin Mints, I think it was) up on the counter an was like "Walmart.com said I could return these here. They broke three days after I got them."

OK. Some parts of that are true. Merchandise purchased off Walmart.com CAN be returned in stores. You don't get the shipping back UNLESS you were shipped the wrong thing though. If you just don't like it - tough cookie.

Then she hands me two Walmart.com order forms - one from DECEMBER, the other from JANUARY.

I looked in the box and it was two portable DVD players that were beat up. These things like the backseat of a Volvo after two toddlers go at it with graham crakers and juice - every day - for a month - then spit up all over it.

"Ma'am. We have a 90-day return policy. We cannot take this merchandise back."

She fires back "Walmart.com said to bring it right in to the store and I'd get my money back." Sure.

This is how those magical "conversations" with Walmart.com go. "I bought something off Walmart.com. Can I return it at my local Wal-Mart store?" "Why yes ma'am. Just take your receipt and go to the Customer Service desk." Click. End of conversation. Nowhere did she mention that she bought this crap eight months ago. So don't try to invoke the mighty authority of Walmart.com on me. Walmart.com won't get me fired.

She tells me to "check with a manager" and maybe she can exchange it while she goes and gets some more. I get a manager, who looks at it, asks when she bought it and says "Tell her no way. She doesn't even have the box. And these have been through hell. No exchange. No refund. No nothing. If she has the book, tell her to call the manufacturer."

I call her over the intercom but she doesn't come. An hour later, she shows up with two more portable DVD players from Automotive. I deliver the bad news.

She gets nasty. "Well, why don't you call that Walmart.com number and see what they say."

I don't give. "Ma'am, this store is NOT going to take that merchandise back."

And the female howler monkey goes "But Mommy, what are we going to watch on our trip this year?" Uh-huh. Used. Abused and busted trying to scam.

The same thing happened later with a woman who had a DVD player. It was one of those with the serial numbers, which always tells us when you bought it.

She claimed it didn't work. She didn't have the receipt, so when I punched in the serial number, it came up that it had been purchased in DECEMBER. I told her she couldn't return it, but I could give her the warranty information.

She goes "I don't care about fixing it. I want a new one. I want a manager right now."

I get one and she starts complaining. "Well, it's junk. Why can't you take it back."

He tells her "Ma'am. We can't give you a lifetime warranty on every single thing you buy in this store. We return stuff for 90 days, which is incredibly generous. You purchased this seven months ago. We can't take it back now."

She left mad. But she did leave.