Thursday, July 06, 2006

Birthday presents

I must be a magnet for the theft-obsessed trash that rolls into Wal-Mart on a daily basis. We get scams like this all the time (and I saw two of those trailer-trash girls in there on Saturday).

Saturday's was even better. This hugely fat woman rolls up. She was maybe 26 and started pulling DVDs out of bags. She had box sets of "Buffy," "Battlestar Galactica," "Star Trek" and "Angel." And she had a wireless modem for the computer. Of course, there isn't a receipt, because there never was one to begin with. That stuff never left the store.

Her story was this: "My family sent me all this stuff and I don't even have a DVD player." OK you're a lying sow and you're going to hell, but it is your hell. So this family, that loves you enough to buy you $200 worth of DVDs, doesn't know that YOU DON'T HAVE A DVD PLAYER? Uh-huh. I've got oceanfront property in Arizona I'd like to sell to your family.

The total on all this was $262. When I punch in the license, it comes up that TWO DAYS AGO she returned another $118 worth of stuff. So in three days, she's returned nearly $400 worth of (probably shoplifted) merchandise.

I go conference with my supervisors. One remembers her from two days ago "The fat girl with all the stolen DVDs" is how she put it. I drop the bomb that she's going for $262 this time. They're all like "OH HELL NO!"

So we call a manager. You can tell she-cow's a little nervous, but she sticks to the thing about "birthday presents." When the manager asks about the return from Thursday, she goes "That was birthday presents too, from different family." Everybody's eyes sort of bug out at this one. I'm thinking "Damn girl, you must be on some serious crack or something to be needing to blow through $400 in one weekend."

So the manager goes into "lecture mode." About how he should not take these items back and then that she should realize that she has returned all this merchandise within three days. And then the only thing that scared her - her driver license will be flagged so that she can't return anything, i.e. "pull her little scam" again.

And then she walks out with $262 in store credit.

I hope she tipped over from her heroin.

5 comments:

furyouhin said...

she wouldn't be fat if she was using heroin, maybe she's blowing it all on little debbie.

matt said...

maybe heroin brownies? :P

FARfetched said...

Isn't it pot that gives you the munchies?

FARfetched said...

Anyway, I got to wondering why these dingbats couldn't pick up a discarded receipt in the parking lot or a convenient dumpster, grab a Walmart bag from a trash can or their own stash (doesn't everybody have at least one?) and then shoplift some of the items on the receipt, stuff 'em in the bag, and "return" them. I wouldn't call it foolproof — you'd just show me an even bigger fool :-) — but they wouldn't run afoul of company policy, and they could always buy beer & cigs with store credit.

Jenna said...

I know just what you mean, we had to crack whore customers come into our Fort Erie Wal-mart (in Canada) and they had been sneeking dvds and razors and music through our garden center fence and bring it all back and when our manager came to "inspect" the situation he gave them the credit...over $1000 in merch in just under a week they took!