Stopping theft

I wonder why the people who take stuff from in the store and try to return it are really so stupid. You can maybe get away with a couple movies, some shirts or one or two cosmetics items.

They all act like we never encounter people who walk in the door, grab a bag off a register and then stuff it full of stuff and try to "return" this stuff they got as a "gift." Well, the gift part is right.

But I had encounters with two really stupid types over the weekend that really made me fear for the future of the human race.

The first was this really nasty couple early Saturday morning. I thought they were skanky when they walked up. Looking back, they were probably drug users/producers. The girl's face was already showing serious skin problems, like from a meth lab or crystal use. And she was VERY combative. And she was the one who REALLY wanted the money.

Anyway. They rolled up and the boyfriend claimed he had gotten SIX $25 rolls of fishing line as a "Father's Day present." Uh-huh. This stuff was in a Wal-Mart bag so new it still had the creases from being in the box from where the register was stocked. And no pink stickers from the door. And ALL six of them still had the security things still attached. It was a gift all right, a gift from Wal-Mart.

When I get someone I know is trying to run a game, I do the return, but slowly, trying to figure out how to deny them. I got help when I punched in fool's Driver License and it came up that they had returned $150 worth of stuff without a receipt at another store on June 14. So four days ago, they did the same thing. And then I heard the girl go "Let's go look for an XBox after this."

Oh hell no. I told them "You're not going to be able to do this large a return without a receipt."

Then the girl caught hold of her inner bitch. "WHY." I could tell she knew I knew, but she thought it worth a try to bluff me. "Because you had a similar large return at another store four days ago." That's really not a reason, but I wasn't going to GIVE them another $150 for stuff they hadn't paid for.

Then she made her fatal error. "But I though you were allowed to return stuff three times." So she knew the game. But she was tangling with a better player. I didn't even answer. "Ma'am, you are not going to be allowed to return that merchandise without a receipt."

They left, but I saw them come by every 15 minutes for the next two hours to see if maybe I was leaving.

The other encounter was just as bad. These two trailer-trash cows rolled up, one with a nasty baby. They had a cart with some diapers and other stuff in it.

And she plopped, yes, a brand-new Wal-Mart bag on the counter and gave a little laugh and said "I got these as a gift. My friend though I could go into business."

Do you know what she had? A cable modem and a graphing calculator. Now what kind of business were you going to run honey?

I don't know where she got the calculator. That stuff is usually locked up, but one might have been lying around. And I know the modems are kept loose. The calculator alone was $149; the modem rang up at $49 something because it was wireless. So this cow was even WORSE, trying to make off with $200.

And when I punched HER license in, it came up "CHECKS ON FILE." That meant she'd written a bad check in the store. I told her that and she knew she was busted. "But I never write checks." Not anymore, you probably don't.

And then she asks "Could you please just do this? I really need some diapers for my baby?" So you want me to get fired because you spent all your money on booze and blow?

"No ma'am. You need to call that number and have the check taken care of." She leaves, but comes back with the friend, who dumps her cigarette case out and looks through it for her license. No dice. The friend goes out to the car but doesn't come back.

The cow goes and sits on the bench at Customer Service. After about 15 minutes, she walks off and leaves the stuff she claimed she got as a "gift" sitting on the counter.

So you KNOW she didn't buy that stuff.

You know, it really is a battle sometimes. Why is the human animal so dishonest?