Get your stuff together

Since I won't work again until Saturday, and I need fresh content, I'd like to editorialize a bit on some of my pet peeves.

1. If there is a line, as there USUALLY IS, please use the time wisely and mine the receipt from wherever it is buried in the depths of your gargantuan purse, wallet or briefcase. I really don't care that you haven't found it (it usually gives me a break while you look) but the other nine people in line will hate you forever, especially as they have their mess in order.

2. If you don't know how to send/receive money or use any of our money services, I will be MORE than happy to help you. However, I cannot magically divine your account number, the amount of your payment or the payment codes for whatever agency your bill is owed to. Also, you cannot pay for money services (money orders, MoneyGrams) with a check or a credit card. Cash or a debit card. We will take that money right then and there!

I had these two people come in Saturday. Wanted to pay an account with a collection agency. Didn't know the account number. Didn't know who to pay. But they kept repeating "The person said we could pay at Wal-Mart!" Yes, baby, you can pay. If you get an honest person, they'll tell you you're stupid. If you get a dishonest one, they'll take your money and someone will repo your car!

3. And this is my personal favorite. I usually tell you how many times you can return stuff without a receipt. Just so no one can say "But I didn't know." The information is also posted in 36-point type in the center of the desk. So when I tell you that you can only return stuff without a receipt twice more within the next twelve months, DO NOT TELL ME "Oh, but I always have my receipt!" You don't right now, do you? Huh?

4. I am one person, usually alone, trying to manage an unmanageable chaos. If I'm with a customer, or at the computer or my back is turned and someone cuts in line, I can't see that out the back of my head. I'm not the ruling pater-familias of the Service Desk. Ever heard of human decency? I've seen some people get really nasty when people cut in line. Once, last Christmas, two middle-aged white women and one older white man started cursing and shoving and I can only thank my stars that an assistant manager was there to push them apart. I was about ready to duck under the desk because it was getting really violent.

5. If you want to return something, please LISTEN TO ME. I've got 18 months of experience at this now, an eternity in the retail world, especially at Wal-Mart. I can tell if you're going to be a problem or not within 10 to 15 seconds. If I'm agreeing with you, please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, do not open the gallon jug of sour milk to prove that it is sour. Do not show me the dead fish to prove that it is dead. I really don't care. You'll get your money back.

6. Finally, please don't put your kids on the counter while you're digging through your purse, your buggy or you pockets for stuff. I've had to grab more than one child to keep the brat from falling off face-first onto the floor. I'm not comfortable holding your child. What if it falls anyway? Whose fault is it then? Mine? Or yours for being a horrible and neglectful parent?