Thursday, October 18, 2007

Five Finger Fridays: V.12.0

Faster than speeding Loss Prevention officer, able to leap Mart Carts in single bound, sworn to lie, cheat, steal and thieve with the audacity of any Enron official - THAT'S RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! It's time for another edition of Five Finger Friday ya'll!

-- a "Grand Theft Auto San Andreas" video game (How effing appropriate!)
-- a SeaSense Bowlight
-- a 1 gig flash drive
-- a Dr. Scholl's Swedish file
-- four packages of Glade plug-ins (Why Kali why? Can your house possibly be that stinky?)
-- a pack of Koss ear buds
-- two pairs of earrings
-- a "Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer" DVD
-- a set of Barbie Princess walkie talkies
-- a stick of Mitchum deodorant (found the wrapping in the bathroom)
-- a "28 Weeks Later" DVD
-- a HP 2 megapixel Webcam
-- a pack of OFF Deep Woods towelettes
-- a "Luxor 2" CD game (I hope these mummies be cursing these thieves.)
-- a bottle of ANTONIO by Antonio Banderas cologne (Um. OK. Whatever. I love the smell of pilfer in the morning.)
-- a copy of "The Reaping" on DVD. (No taste in cinema. NONE AT ALL!)
-- a Los Grey's "Linea de Oro" CD
-- a two-bagger of Vicente Fernandez CD's; "Living Legend" and "El Hijo de Pueblo"
-- a godforsaken Spongebob Squarepants Wii game, "Kreature from the Krusty Krab" - Someone please harvest this sponge, dry it, soak it in dish detergent and use it to wash a sink full of crusty pots and pans. Please!
-- Jamie Foxx's alleged return to serious acting, "Redemption" on DVD
-- National Lampoon's "Pucked" on DVD (Hands up if you knew this even existed. Jon Bon Jovi was in this hot mess! For reals.)
-- "Transformers" on DVD. I'm an AutoBots girl all the way, but I still love the scene from the cartoon where Megatron turns into a big honking pistol.
-- some more Alli (must be time for refill. Don't forget the toilet paper and adult diapers.)
-- some more Glade Plug-Ins, in lavender and vanilla flavors
-- a big box of Queen Anne cordial cherries
-- a combination lock (the better to guard your stolen stuff, I presume?)
-- a package of Fashion Express fake nails and nail art
-- a Disney Magical Light-Up neclkace and matching bracelet
-- and finally, some piece of probably deserved-to-be-stolen, direct-to-DVD movie, "Da Block Party 2" - (Who in Chaka Khan's name watch's this stuff? For real. At least there's a character named Kanisha. You know she can sling the ghetto up in here. Don't mess wid Kanisha. Dat heffa wul cut you up!)

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ceiling cat approves.

luckycanucky said...

Oh yum, Queen Anne Cordials.

I hope those are available in other shopping centers because I vowed never to set foot in another Wal-mart once I quit working for them but now I'm craving chocolate covered cherries at 6:50 in the morning ...

Ballz said...

One of the first things I do is read your blog every morning. Most of the time, it provides me with a good laugh and/or eyeroll. However, what it REALLY does for me is to remind me to be nice to the WM associates when I am in there. NO ONE deserves the crap that you write about.

Anonymous said...

wait a minute, a autobots girl?
you were outed as a dude so wtf.

oh and for your amusement.

http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071017/NEWS/710170342

yoyo said...

DAMNIT, I just wasted £12.99 on 28weeks later on Play.com when I could have gone to asda and got it for free!!

"$#~!!?*&^£"s!

Anonymous said...

shia whatever the hell his name is is "so not worth it"

Anonymous said...

I am loving your blog - it's turned into a daily read. And, as ballz said, it's a good reminder to never ever ever behave badly in a store.

Anonymous said...

Today I found the outer packaging as well as the foil wrappers from a 2 pack set of Pokemon cards IN THE TOILET.

wtf.

Jessica said...

wait a minute, a autobots girl?
you were outed as a dude so wtf.


He is a girl. A really fabulous girl. :-)

Kind of a shame, too. :-P

Riohnna said...

Can't these people think of better things to steal,,,,,,

Anonymous said...

get with your gay slang people!
the blogger is a HE, a totally awesome he!
(Listen to the NPR interview!)

Anonymous said...

Packaging found in the front lavatory (assuming it's between the doors and the cash registers) may have been legitimately paid for and the purchaser may have been extremely eager to open them up and try them out... especially items like deodorant. Not that I don't believe people steal all this stuff.