Friday, October 05, 2007

Five Finger Fridays: V.10.0

People steal. And deserve to have their eyes carved out with rusty sporks.

-- a Vincente Fernandez CD
-- a "Bachata: Simply the Best" CD
-- a pack of felt pads to put under furniture & chair legs to keep from damaging floors
-- a "Backyardigans" DVD
-- a "Chicken Little" DVD
-- "South Park: Season 8" on DVD. I'm glad you have decent taste in comedy, but I wonder what you'd do if Deputy Cartman was hauling you out in steel bracelets screaming "Respect my authorita!"
-- some decorative chain used for hanging lamps or plants
-- a Zippo lighter
-- Keyshia Cole's "The Way it Is" CD
-- three-quarters of a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates
-- a Baby Ben alarm clock (Please Anubis, please, let whoever stole it be using it to make a bomb to remove me from my misery) NOTE TO FEDERAL ATF AGENTS AND WAL-SPYS: This is sarcasm! I do not now nor ever plan to set of an explosive device in the the Wal-Mart. Unless I have a microwave burrito for lunch - in which case all bets are off.
-- a Dawn Patrol steering-wheel mounted bicycle headlight
-- a tube of Blistex
-- a tube of chapstick (damn girl, what you been working those lips on?)
-- a dog tie out
-- Iced Out grills for teeth - similar to this, but the $2.99 plastic Wal-Mart Halloween costume version.
-- a pack of Energizer AAA batteries
-- three Lexar 1GB memory cards (found these in the bathroom trash can myself)
-- and finally, CLAP! CLAP! "Rose bearers!" .... a "Coming to America" DVD - (who actually knew this was nominated for TWO - not one, but TWO Oscars?) Thank you Eddie & Arsenio for making me laugh. Although God only knows how much you paid James Earl Jones to be in that.

12 comments:

Amber said...

Back in my days at the Fine Jewelry dept, I remember right before we moved into our then new supercenter that someone called called in a bomb threat, and we had to go to the parking lot across the street until the building was cleared. I was closing for the night, so I had all my keys for the cases and such on me, and I talked to management about what to do with the keys - things were locked, but the sets that were to go back to accounting for the morning person to get, as well as the ones that go in the safe that needed to be locked anyway. They went ahead and sent all the associates home, except me. They made a measly support manager take me back into the store that had not yet been cleared (how the cops let us in, I don't know) to drop the keys off and lock up the safe. I had to walk by the display of alarm clocks that I had just reset earlier that night, and I kid you not, they seemed to be ticking just that much louder when walking by.

Of course it was all fake, and then the next night the same thing happened. I figure it was someone on ICS that just didn't want to work a few nights...

Amanda said...

Wow, I think "Coming to America" is the first decent DVD theft yet. Someone wanted to just let their soul glow...

Clark said...

I just wanted to say "Thanks" for taking the time to add links to the stolen things in case we don't know what they are.

Chris said...

@Clark: Yeah, that is pretty sweet.

inspectorguy said...

Where the hell can I get metal sporks???????????

Dagny said...

"a pack of felt pads to put under furniture & chair legs to keep from damaging floors"

The poor man's Heelies?

ShopGirl said...

The Ferrero Rocher? Bubbles DeVere was there! You've certainly described her on more than one occasion...

Bubbles is a character on "Little Britain" (check out BBC America), which is better than Absolutely Fabulous! (another BBC show for those not yet aware)

Anonymous said...

How in the world can you account for something as minor as a chapstick in the inventory at WalMart over a week's time?

Anonymous said...

the empty package

Anonymous said...

Shopgirl:

Bubbles rules.

Anonymous said...

Well, it's not metal, but this spork is polycarbonate and even has a little knife edge for high-quality gouging:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000FALAZY/ref=nosim/thecompleatcarry

Anonymous said...

Dammit, that didn't work.

I'll try again...

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/
ASIN/B000FALAZY/ref=nosim/thecompleatcarry

You'll have to cut and paste, sorry...