Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Dawn of the Really Stupid Wal-Mart Customer

You know, I really, really, really and truly loathe the fact that television stations give airtime to anyone who calls up and describes something that is going to make for good ratings. Then Consumerist jumps on the bandwagon ... and suddenly the whole Internet is awash in stupidity.

An NBC station in Texas filed this report alleging the indescribable horror experienced by a mother and her three young girls following a run-in with a Halloween display at the front door of a Wal-Mart. What's the plural of Cthulu? Now that's indescribable horror!

Texas mother angry over graphic Halloween display in Wal-Mart
HURST, Texas, Oct. 7, 2007 (NBC) – A North Texas mother said a Wal-Mart Halloween display gave her three daughters nightmares. Adriana Whitney, of Hurst, said she and her daughters saw the life-size Halloween decoration while grocery shopping. "It looked like a real, live monster," 4-year-old Grace Whitney said. Full story, with link for video

For real. Look woman. If that is the most horrific thing your children see on Halloween, you really need to get them out more. Public school is going to be a nightmare of epic proportions for your special snowflakes. Then again, you're from Texas - the state that elects George Bush to things for no apparent reason.

First, you need to grow up yourself. Then, you need to be a parent TO YOUR CHILDREN, take some responsibility and explain the difference between fantasy and reality? What, exactly, kind of world have they been living in? Do they believe in unicorns, fairies and magical moonbeams too? And according to your daughter, what the hell is a "real, live monster?" Do you have those kind of things parading around North Texas all the time?

Next, the cheap plastic crap that Wal-Mart sells is indeed horrifying - but only in the sense that it is horrifyingly ugly. It in NO WAY POSSIBLE resembles anything remotely scary - except the fact that someone in China thought it was scary.

Then, if you want to see something scary, you ought to see the profit margins on that cheap Chinese crap. I'm sure it would send you into a real tizzy to see what the House of Wal makes off headless animatronics and other assorted Halloween junk. More than you spend on fiber for your colon cleansings each month!

I really should not get worked up about this - but I despise the stupids. Loathe the stupids. If you don't like it, don't shop there. Have a calm word with the manager.

Don't go blabbing to the TV station and making out like your howler monkeys have been scarred for life. Good for them. If they were going to turn out anything like you, maybe they needed a detour on life's highway.

Maybe, just maybe, ANUBIS KNOWS WE CAN PRAY, it scared them enough to never go back into another Wal-Mart again.

On second thought - start installing those headless things at every door of every Wal-Mart in America. Let's "merchandise" the customers away the Wal-mart way! Gimme a squiggly!

PS: Apologies to George Romero for ripping off his classic movie for the post title.


frownsOnViolence said...

hmm knowing that you HATE LAOTHE despise the howler monkeys I can see where you would think the woman was a "stupid" customer..but, really you should focus on how TASTELESS that "scary Monster" really is..to all the people who have lost family members by decapitation...via car wrecks and such or the two stupid teenage boys who decided to cut the head off of their victim after she was already gone...I side with the mom in this case....

ShopGirl said...

Tasteless? I was thinking the same thing, but for a totally different reason. Just walking through the mall people watching can be pretty scary. You can't protect your kids from everything.

And if you want to try, then just don't take them to Wally World!

People that fret over stupid stuff like scary Halloween displays crack me up. Do they also keep their children from reading Harry Potter? Do they avoid every movie ever made and trips to Disney theme parks?

Undoubtedly they're good church-goers determined to thump their bible at everyone they see.

I'm with BehindTheCounter - teach children the diference between fantasy and reality. You can teach them that it's evil if that's what you believe, but stop trying to shove your beliefs down everyone else's throat. :)

Keep said...

I wouldn't say this woman was necessarily a bible thumper. Sounds like, to me, she's trying to get a little air time, hopefully with a nice fat check from Walmart as a good will gesture and to shut her up.

Anonymous said...

You know, I often look at your site..I love it...and you always say what everyone thinks but doesn't have the nerve to say. Thank you for that public service...And now....

Give me a flying freaking ass break. What if my Grammie had died in a freakish accident involving windshield wipers. Should Wal Mart stop carrying them as seeing wipers gives me spasms? Of course not you say, that would be silly---que to fake man with his head in his hands--I digress...Tasteless, hell no. Badly made, you bet ya!

I think it is very important to tell your children the difference between fantasy and the real world. Otherwise, your kids will all be at Jesus Camp and you will wonder where you went wrong. Tell your kids before someone else does is the best motto of all.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

I concur with Keep:

I wouldn't say this woman was necessarily a bible thumper. Sounds like, to me, she's trying to get a little air time, hopefully with a nice fat check from Walmart as a good will gesture and to shut her up.

If she isn't some stupid hick, she's a con artist looking for publicity and $$$$$$$$. The really sad thing is, if the kids are cute and convincing, she'll probably get something.

The stupid wench shouldn't get anything but a swift kick in the butt. Doesn't she have anything better to complain about except 'scary' Halloween displays at WAL-MART for cripe's sake? How about the war? Or the struggling economy? Or the looming federal deficit? Or outsourcing? Huh? Huh?

Austin said...

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks Consumerist overstates a lot of their causes.

Julie said...

To take a line from my GM Co-Manager Holy Gosh! Ummm is that poster who mentioned two boys that decapitated someone they murdered for fucks sake for real? That is dumb shit. It is people like that who blame everyone else for their problems. WTF! I am seriously speechless that was so damn stupid.

j-yo said...

The stupidest thing is that this woman actually has expectations from Wal-Mart. She needs to get a grip. When my daughter gets scared by a Halloween display, I tell her not to look at it. No drama or airtime required. Maybe that's why she doesn't act like a howler monkey.

j-yo said...

I forgot to mention that the headless display is much less scary than some of the Wal-Mart cusomters I've seen.

S I Z said...

While I am with most of you about the woman going for publicity and maybe money, my not so much howler monkey son - who has never been in walmart would probably be scared of such a display only because of his age. Between the ages of 2, when imagination develops, and around 6 little kids can't always seperate reality from fantasy. While parents can and should do their best to educate them - some things little kids aren't going to get until they have the mental capacity to do so. So yeah, the mother shouldn't complain publicly about the problem, but you can't blame the kid for being scared -it is quite possible she really is/was.
by the way my creds: medical doctor and mom of 3year old.

Anonymous said...

This woman is off her rocker! Who the hell goes to he media about something like that? I HATE people like that! HATE THEM! Who the hell does she think she is? So what if the kids were scared they should be more scared that their mom shops at Wal Mart for their groceries! !Guess this womans kids don't go trick or treating! Hell I wish I knew where they lived I would scare those girls for the hell of it!
"frowns on violence" all halloween props are about violence STUPID! It's supposed to be scary

Library Rat said...

When I was a kid (about 6 years old), we were living in Germany in the mid-80's. The first Halloween there, my parents decided to take me to Castle Frankstein for their annual haunted house sort of thing.

(Yes, it is a real castle, and had a guy way back, who tried to find a cure for death. When he drank it, it killed him. He'd actually disovered India Ink, at least as far as the story goes...)

Unlike most haunted houses done up in a garage or basement, this was done in a real castle, by people using movie-grade equipment. I was scared by most of the stuff I was seeing, but one of them really got to me.

It was man in a latex mask. It was a mostly fleshless skull, with a snake coming out of one eye socket and maggots and bugs and such. He was dressed in tattere rags, and scaring people coming through a doorway. I saw him jump out at the people in front of us.

I screamed like only a little kid can, and climbed up my father. I was almost ready to crap my pants. My parents couldn't get me through that door.

Until (unfortunately, I don't remember his exact words) but Dad taught me a good trick to getting past something terrifying. Be scarier than whatever/whoever is scaring you.

So, I got down, started snarling and growling, and charged the German guy in the mask with a battle cry that would've done a viking berserker proud, and made it through the door.

Of course, the guy in the mask was only acting scared of me as I came by, but it worked then, and has worked since. It made me the go-to guy when people in school were having troubles with bullies...

In short, this woman sucks as a mother.

Erin Bradley said...


"This woman sucks as a mother."

You serious? That's a pretty harsh statement.

Nowhere in the story does it say that she's suing anyone or anybody.

She had an opionion, she made a complaint.

That's one of the cool things about our country - you can do that.

In other countries women are expected to shut the fuck up, wear veils, and walk 10 feet behind their husbands.

Whether or not her complaint was stupid (which in my opinion it is) is irrelevant.

It was a slow news day, some desperate reporter picked up on it, and then issues a dramatic spin.

You're being played by the media like a fiddle and you don't even know it.

Anonymous said...

Now we're talking about women in countries who aren't allowed to speak and have to walk 10 paces behind? JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST! Can we keep at least something relevant? That's as ass-backwards stupid as the first poster!

Did anyone catch the woman at the beginning of the tape saying her kids have a sweettooth? Perhaps she should focus on feeding her children nutrious food, sins sweets (yes, I did see the girl was eating a banana but I also would wager a guess that Wal-Mart shopping cart was filled with processed, frozen and battered foods, along with chips, sweets, Coke and vats of juice. All are unhealthy and unnecessary for children.)

I can understand being upset by a display at the front of the store like that. I can even understand her complaining to management. I cannot fathom going to the media. Had she gone to the proper people in the store and been treated rudely over the matter, then I could see it.

"Here's my 15 seconds of fame! Here's my 15 seconds of fame! Lookie! I even got my kiddo on TV!"

(Yes, I am a parent.)

Anonymous said...

God, if that woman lived in New England, I bet her kids wouldn't be afraid of anything, considering how at least half the people I knew growing up had either a real ghost or a house older than dirt that sounded like a real ghost.

I agree with you about the consumerist rants, too.

original poster said...

to JUlIE who asked yes it was real it happened in St. Charles County MO the year was 1998.
google decapitation in St. Charles County if you want to see the story.

Anonymous said...

Do they believe in unicorns, fairies and magical moonbeams too?

Well, yeah. They're four. Their unfinished brains can't distinguish fantasy from reality.

eekmonique said...

This woman is a moron, there is so much more to get upset about at Walmart than a scary Halloween display. Thank Zenu at least she doesn't seem to have "Christian" objections to the whole idea of Halloween (I am a Christian btw.)

Also, don't get me started on the Consumerist. They usually don't know wth they are talking about, they are more gullible than 3-year-olds about any half-baked complaint any mouthbreather wants to send them. And the commenters there are just complete a-holes.

Anonymous said...

Oh jeez, they're Halloween decorations. The Kroger down the street has the exact same display plus a few others that jump out at you. So your kid got scared. Uhm, again, Halloween! This woman has obviously forgotten the Halloween of her youth. Argh!

I'm 40, and Halloween, outside of Christmas and birthdays, was the high holy day for my generation. Haunted houses, schools allowed to have Halloween carnivals instead of "Fall Festivals," trick or treating, etc, we all knew it was fun and NOT REAL.

That crazy lady could've taken an opportunity to teach her kids instead of calling the news. Damn, I live right down the highway from where this happened and the stupidity of this shit gets me every time. (And really, what does this say about the news station that they would find this worthy of attention?)

I'm in agreement that she wanted the publicity and, oh, I don't know, some cash.

Cam said...

I agree with the doctor above - I've got 3 small kids and that display would scare them. In fact, because I'm kinda a wuss, I thought it was scary too.

Not everyone is a hard-ass, as you all seem to be.

Regardless of the mother being stupid about contacting the media, I believe her when she says the kids had nightmares. Y'all need to lighten up about thinking it's cool to terrify young kids, and then make fun of them when they don't handle it like an adult. Makes you guys look a little knee-jerk/rabid.

Anonymous said...

This woman not knowing proper English (cough illegal alien cough) is scarier! Even her dumb ass little girl was laughing at her. I am all for egging her house and putting a shit load of those "monsters" on her front lawn.

Adriana Whitney said...

My English is not great but I am not illegal. I wasn't angry at Walmart. I talked to the manager and she didn't care (maybe my accent?) so I email the station just to let them know and they sent the reporter (I wasn't looking for an interview)
That horrible thing was at the ENTRANCE so we couldn't avoid it. My daughter is just 4 years old and "it looked like a real live monster" is just a comment from her young age.
What happened help me a lot to teach my kids about real scary stuff and fake scary stuff and they are doing great now.
I don't look for publicity ha ha . 5 minutes on local TV didn't give me anything. Walmart didn't pay me, I wasn't looking for money.
You criticize me for getting upset for a stupid Halloween display but you guys are worst getting so upset for me being upset. I can't believe that this story generated so much controversy, so funny.

Adriana Whitney said...

and for the coward anonymous calling my little girl "dumb ass" she is such a funny, beautiful, caring, loving soul. I am sure you are not use to be around people like this so you are so cold and ugly.