You know, I really, really, really and truly loathe the fact that television stations give airtime to anyone who calls up and describes something that is going to make for good ratings. Then Consumerist jumps on the bandwagon ... and suddenly the whole Internet is awash in stupidity.
An NBC station in Texas filed this report alleging the indescribable horror experienced by a mother and her three young girls following a run-in with a Halloween display at the front door of a Wal-Mart. What's the plural of Cthulu? Now that's indescribable horror!
Texas mother angry over graphic Halloween display in Wal-Mart
HURST, Texas, Oct. 7, 2007 (NBC) – A North Texas mother said a Wal-Mart Halloween display gave her three daughters nightmares. Adriana Whitney, of Hurst, said she and her daughters saw the life-size Halloween decoration while grocery shopping. "It looked like a real, live monster," 4-year-old Grace Whitney said. Full story, with link for video
For real. Look woman. If that is the most horrific thing your children see on Halloween, you really need to get them out more. Public school is going to be a nightmare of epic proportions for your special snowflakes. Then again, you're from Texas - the state that elects George Bush to things for no apparent reason.
First, you need to grow up yourself. Then, you need to be a parent TO YOUR CHILDREN, take some responsibility and explain the difference between fantasy and reality? What, exactly, kind of world have they been living in? Do they believe in unicorns, fairies and magical moonbeams too? And according to your daughter, what the hell is a "real, live monster?" Do you have those kind of things parading around North Texas all the time?
Next, the cheap plastic crap that Wal-Mart sells is indeed horrifying - but only in the sense that it is horrifyingly ugly. It in NO WAY POSSIBLE resembles anything remotely scary - except the fact that someone in China thought it was scary.
Then, if you want to see something scary, you ought to see the profit margins on that cheap Chinese crap. I'm sure it would send you into a real tizzy to see what the House of Wal makes off headless animatronics and other assorted Halloween junk. More than you spend on fiber for your colon cleansings each month!
I really should not get worked up about this - but I despise the stupids. Loathe the stupids. If you don't like it, don't shop there. Have a calm word with the manager.
Don't go blabbing to the TV station and making out like your howler monkeys have been scarred for life. Good for them. If they were going to turn out anything like you, maybe they needed a detour on life's highway.
Maybe, just maybe, ANUBIS KNOWS WE CAN PRAY, it scared them enough to never go back into another Wal-Mart again.
On second thought - start installing those headless things at every door of every Wal-Mart in America. Let's "merchandise" the customers away the Wal-mart way! Gimme a squiggly!
PS: Apologies to George Romero for ripping off his classic movie for the post title.