Thursday, September 13, 2007

No, I call it the stupid tax

For the love of Baal and little babies, will you please let me finish what I am doing before you start whining about how you "want the tax back too."

Sir, first of all, you are what I refer to as one of our "airbed rental customers." So you're already a strike down in my book. Then, your personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. Please, take the $3 in tax you're arguing with me about and buy a damn bar of soap.

OK? So I'm returning this airbed you "rented" although you claim "it has a slow leak." I start mashing the buttons and the price flashes up on the part of the register visible to customers - with a minus sign in front of it. Because, you know, money is going out, not coming in.

Cue the hysterics.

HIM: "Well I better get the tax back too." No. You don't get it back. We call it the rental tax. And we only charge it on airbeds.
ME: "You do get the tax back sir."
HIM: "Well I don't see it." Patience is a virtue.
ME: "It will be on the receipt sir. The tax is calculated at the end."
HIM: "I still don't see it." You're not going to see it unless you're a Nanite or you can read binary through my register.
ME: "Sir. Please wait just one minute."
HIM: "How do I know I get the tax back."
ME: "Sir. One minute. Please. And I can give you your money and show you the receipt that is going detail exactly what you are getting back."
HIM: "Are you sure you're not cheating me?" Because Kali, my life would be infinitesimally richer with that three dollars.
ME: "Sir. I'm going to finish and then explain it all to you." Mashes buttons real fast, like I do when there are howlers and the only way to get them to leave is to do the return double-quick.

ME: "OK Sir. I want you to see here. You got $49.76 back for the airbed. RIGHT HERE you got $2.99 for the tax."
HIM: Silence. Crickets. Tumbleweeds. Pockets the money and leaves. Trails a cloud of unhappiness and funk behind him.

It is not like we charge a restocking fee or anything. Simple logic ought to dictate that if you paid tax on an item - you get the tax back - that is law. Not even Wal-Mart policy could override that one. But then again, I'm dealing with Wal-Mart customers here.

We really ought to charge a rental fee. We took back six airbeds this Sunday. No way all of them were defective - even given the usual standards of our merchandise. No freaking way.


rebekah said...

Okay, I have been reading for a few months now and while I should have commented before (because you are fucking HILARIOUS!! and I don't ever want you to stop blogging!!) this post has sent me over to comment land.

You are so insanely intelligent, literate, and well spoken. Why are you working for Wal-Mart?! Have you considered writing? Stand-up? This is no judgement, I am sincerely curious.

Anonymous said...

That is so disgusting! Wal-Mart should not be allowed to restock returned air mattresses, sheets and the like. Since it is unreasonable to expect WM to 'eaat' these returns, they shouldn't be allowed...EVER. (If the product is defective, the customer should be required to go through the manufactorer.)

Wry Exchange said...

Did you sing out a cheery "Have a nice day, thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart" as he was leaving?

Anonymous said...

I am guilty of renting an airbed as well. It wasn't from the House of Wal, though. Since those stores make it so easy to do these things I don't feel ashamed of taking advantage of it.

Anonymous said...

Well, you should feel ashamed.

Bruce said...

Note to self : Do not buy airbeds at Wal Mart. As a matter of fact, just don't buy airbeds.

eBay Rookie said...

How do you NOT haul off and hit some of these people?

I've been reading you blog for a year now -- it's the first thing I do when I turn on my computer.

Thanks for the entertainment.

ForTe said...

I agree with rebekah your hilarious!

Thank you for the laughs....

AnnaOnTheMoon said...

Funny enough, I find that the Ozark Trails (which as far as I know are the Wal-Mart brand) air beds are the BEST and most reliable. I use an air mattress as a bed right now and I went through a bunch of other mattresses pretty often until I got this one. I haven't even had to add air to it after I had a friend sharing it with me. so really, the people complaining about leaks are full of it!

Anonymous said...

here in the state of connecticut, if you have no receipt you don't get the tax back. so basically, even if you're doing an even exchange you end up paying tax again. lovely state of ct...if you have no receipt to prove it was purchased within 90 days, they screw you. that ends in many arguments with customers and many swears being thrown my way. haha. boy i love my job!