Now ya'll know we be having the bicycle drama at our store, right?
The entire Service Desk staff has gotten numerous lectures on "Don't return bikes. Tell the customers 'repair only.' Don't return bikes. Don't return bikes."
So this chunky monkey suburban housewife rolls up Saturday afternoon with a small girls bike.
The wheels are black, like it has been ridden on asphalt. Repeatedly. All day. One training wheel is a little wonky, like it hit a tree or the corner of a garage, but nothing too serious.
She has a receipt from 12 days ago and wants to return the bike because the training wheel is crooked.
I tell her no. This sets in motion a completely unbelievable chain of events the likes of which I've never seen before and hope to never see again.
This woman is obviously a master at emotional manipulation and at verbal trickery, because she used every trick in the book to try to return that bike - and she eventually made a stupid manager feel sorry enough for her to let her return it. I feel so bad for her husband.
These were here stories:
1. But she (her daughter) didn't ride it. Well why are the white wheels as black as tar?
2. My mother bought it. The wheel was crooked when she bought it. Well why did she buy it then?
3. My mother said the sales associate PRESSURED her into buying it. Hands up anyone who has EVER in the history of time been pressured into buying anything at Wal-Mart? Bueller? Bueller?
4. My daughter is too big for this bike. Stupidity is not a reason for a return.
5. I'm just not happy with the way I'm being treated. Shop elsewhere.
6. I want a bike in the box so that my father can put it together. Now, you're just being stupid.
7. I'm going to stand here with my bottom lip quivering and preparing to cry and just clog up the Customer Service line while I prepare to cry. Really lady, I don't care. I think you're being a child - a spoiled child at that. I get yelled at if I take back the bike. You're the dumb*** who let someone else buy a kid's bike without the kid present to test the bike.
8. I'm going to keep my lip quivering and try to defend the indefensible position of "No, I want a bike, in fact, I want this exact bike. I just don't want this particular bike. I want a bike in a box." Would you like a tissue for those crocodile tears?
9. No, I don't want you to fix it for me, even though the repair is free. Really? Yeah. You're broke. It's totally not about the bike and the allegedly wonky wheel is it? You need to pay your crack dealer.
10. My lip is still quivering. Tissue?
11. I just don't like the service here. Really? I don't like the customers here. You're stuck with me as long as I'm stuck with you.
12. I told you that my mother said the manager of the Toy Department told her "Well, you can take this bike or you can get another one." Is there an echo? Bueller? Bueller?
13. She finally manages to get two neurons to fire at the same time and asks for a manager. It took you thirteen tries to get the "I want a manager" line out? Passive-aggressive much?
14. Said idiot manager let her return the bike - for cash. Which we all knew was going to happen, didn't we.
15. Two hours later, the bike is still sitting at Customer Service when another manager asks "I though we didn't take bikes back?" Really? Ya'll need to get up on the same page up in here!