No explanation needed, other than Sunday nights seem to attract the true loonies – and I’m not talking Canadian currency here.
Him: “Do you have scales here?”
Me: “Umm, scales are sold in the hardware department.”
Him: “I don’t want a scale scale.”
Him: “I want to weigh something.”
Me: “Uhhhhh. What are you trying to weigh?”
Him: “I’m flying.” Really? I need me some of that because it must be some guuuuuuuuuud soup.
Me: “OK. Hang on.” Calls supervisor for help, because I'm clearly not equipped to handle mental patients.
He explains again, but this time gets two neurons to fire at the same time and manages to get a sentence out.
Him: “I’m flying and I need to weigh my bags.”
Me: “You can put the bag on a scale.”
Him: “No, that’s not going to work.”
Me: “What kind of bag do you have?”
Him: “I want a big scale, like a big flat scale. You’ve got scales to weigh food here don't you?”
Me: “You’re not going to weigh a bag in the deli. We put food on there.”
Him: “Well how can you help me?”
Me: “Go get some scales and see what works.”
Him: “The bag is big.”
Me: “Find a big scale.”
Him: “Are you sure you don’t have bigger scales? Like at a hardware store?”
Me: “We don’t have that. We have bathroom scales.”
Him: “I’m going to go get the bag and come back.”
Me: mutters under breath “You do that.”
Three minutes later, he’s back pushing a buggy with a bag that would dwarf a military dufflelbag. It would hold a couple bodies. Lord, I hope it didn’t. Really though, I think Hannibal Lecter would at least shop at Target!
Him: “This is the bag.”
Him: “Do you have a scale for this?”
Him: “Well, I need to know how much it weighs.” I'm dying to ask - "Where are you flying and why do you need that much stuff?
Me: “Put it on a scale and see what happens.”
Him: “It has soft sides and won’t stand on the scale.”
Me: “Look. Weigh yourself and then weigh yourself holding the bag.”
Him: “How is that going to help?”
Me: “Simple math.”
Him: comprehension dawns “Oh. Hey. They should give you an award or something.”
The absence of your presence is my only reward!