Sunday, April 08, 2007

Just an old snake in the grass

Holidays at the Wal-Mart blow chunks. I've done Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Black Friday, all the generic xxx Days, Halloween and of course Easter. Retail and food service at the holidays blows chunks.

I did get one - and only one - good laugh today. This ancient woman, dressed in BLACK, bent nearly double and gripping a buggy like it was winning lottery ticket, creeps up, watches me do two or three refunds and then jams her cart in front of a fat lady in a yellow T-shirt with a fatter daughter.

The old lady is looking for grass. "I've got eggs, now I want grass."

ME: "Ma'am, you want to the Easter supplies. You need to go to the jewelry counter and go one aisle up."
HER: "Jewelry? What? That don't make sense."
ME: "Ma'am, I'm trying to tell you how to get there."
HER: "You take me there."

**I sigh and grab her buggy and look back every now and again and go "You still back there?" I have ZERO patience for old ladies who want you to shop for them. Foreign, domestic, it don't matter. You lived how many years? You didn't survive by having people do things for you.**

I take her over to the Seasonal aisle and she's like "Oh, this not very far." DUH! Then she goes "Where's the grass?"

I'm like "It's all along here. There's lots of different kinds." As I'm talking, I'm waking down the aisle with her. "See, this is yellow plastic. This is red and blue paper. This kind comes with candy."
HER: "How much is?"
ME: "See on the box? It tells you? This one is $1.88. This one is $1.97."
HER: "Is too much. No other grass?"
ME: "It is Easter Sunday at 1 p.m. You buying grass now? You having to take what you can be getting." And yes, I did speak in the broken English. She got the point.
HER (clasping her heart): "You killing me." Like I was a shopkeeper in the Old Country bargaining with her! It was so funny. I just wanted a shop and sausages and cheese hanging down from the ceiling and housewives with aprons and baskets bargaining over the price of a chicken.
ME: "More grass here. This one $1.25."
HER: "The children, they will not have the grass."


contessa said...

Unbelievable. No, wait, this is WalMart. Not unbelievable.

(just a footnote to say: I discovered your blog a week ago and I have caught up, from start to finish -- this is great stuff. Keep on writing, even though your misery is my entertainment.)

Anonymous said...

I can hardly wait for the Easter returns. Especially the candy that they didn't use!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Candy is the one thing that probably never gets returned.

Bet they try to return the easter baskets, though.

yoyo said...

Cant...stand..old people.

You're lucky. You get them while they can still walk and controll their bladders.
I generally get them when they deteriorate and the children dont know what to do except put them in a home. Grass then, is the least of their, or your, problems.

As ever, great writing, and great patience with the elderly rude people.

Why is it the older people get the ruder they think they can be, and the more they bitch about young people being rude?!?

L said...

Haven't been by in awhile. Stopped in today and this post really made me chuckle this morning. I'll have to sit down and catch up on some posts I've missed recently. Looks as if not much has changed at WalMart lately!

Jenna said...

Our Wal-mart closes on Easter =X

luckycanucky said...

I work in ladies' fashion and there was a big Easter candy mess/display in the action alley. Saturday night I was trying to put clothes away and clean the mess that is 725 and this woman came up to me grumbling because she couldn't find the giant Kinder toys. After a failed attempt to get her help from someone in Seasonal, she made me get the box with "Kinder" stamped on it off the pallet so she can have a look at it. Turned out not to be what she wanted, so she grumbled, "They were just here yesterday!"

And so were hundreds of other shoppers who had the sense to buy them when they saw them, lady. You didn't. Let that be a lesson, fool. Happy pagan spring fling thingie.

MavenofMoxie said...

I agree with you 99.9% of the time BUT...

I'm going to preface what I say with this:

Hang in there, we're all entitled to being totally heinous to another human being at some moments in our life and be forgiven for it. I just don't know that I'd retell it with such pride as you do. that age and with her discomfort from being slumped, has she earned no respect? She didn't ask you to do anything for her that was super extra-ordinary, except your job.

You know that karma bs you're always going on about? Well, if you truly believe in karma, I'd be looking over my shoulder if I were you.

She should have put you in your place, heinous retelling of a story where you truly come out looking like the south end of a donkey. I'm surprised, you're usually only mean when it's truly deserved.

Bitter much?

Justin said...

If only everyone could attain to the civility and respectfulness of the MavenofMoxie blog! *rolls eyes*

FARfetched said...

I dunno, Maven. Check it out: first she "jams her cart in front of [another woman and her daughter]." I know I'd be rather out of sorts were *I* waiting in line and she jammed in front of me.

Then, instead of following the simple directions he gave her, she demanded that he lead her there by the nose. If she wants personal (and priority) service, she should go to a place where she would actually have to pay for the privilege.

Where BBC missed out, though, is when she said "now I want grass." The answer should have went something like, "Oh, you need to go out to the parking lot. Look for the Escalade with chrome spinners; the guy with the big hoop earrings and the Marley t-shirt has the grass. You're welcome."

MavenofMoxie said...

Actually, "Justin", I completely understand having no patience left for people, I was just surprised because he is usually not unwarranted in how vitriolic he is.

Some people just get under your skin that way, that's all, I can understand that too.

MavenofMoxie said...

LOL Far! Let's give the woman some credit, she's old...very old by the description...will none of us feel more entitled at that age?

I can't say I'd have handled it any beter, but I'd probably be a little embarrassed after.

grundes said...

With these grass prices Walmart will certainly drive the street grass dealers out of business pretty soon! Hooray for the competition... oh, wait.

Songbird said...

This lady strongly reminds me of Grandma Ida from "Malcolm in the Middle"...

Grandma Ida: You do this to torture me? To hurt me?
Francis: You don't like Christmas music?
Grandma Ida: It sounds like the song they sang when they would run through the villages and throw the babies into the fire.
Francis: They sang Jingle Bells?
Grandma Ida: They sang something.

marphilms said...

We all get old, that is better than the other. This of your grandmother when you deal with old people, or did you not have any respect for her????????????

Anonymous said...

ohhh take it easy on him. don't get your panties in a twist. I'm sure he treated her with plenty of respect. what he thinks in his mind is not known by everyone. I've had people cut in front of other customers like that, and i'm surprised that even if she WAS old that the other customer didn't freak out on her. I've had that plenty of times where an older customer thinks that they can just hop up to the counter and someone just as old will bite their head off, tell them that they better get behind them or she'll beat her with her cart. Ok, that old lady was a bit off her rocker... but the one who hopped up to the front sure did jump to the back of the line quick. And a lot of times i'll have people cut in line, and i'll make eye contact with the next customer and ask, "how may i help you..." i don't care if they ARE old. Wait your turn.

David said...

I work for Lowes. We take live Christmas trees back for several days AFTER Christmas. The general public sucks.

Anonymous said...

that fat old b**** is f****** stupid

Anonymous said...

"ME: "More grass here. This one $1.25."
HER: "The children, they will not have the grass.""

Comedy gold.