Thursday, April 26, 2007

Cheating on your taxes

Don't try to return an opened $50 copy of TurboTax 2007 the weekend after income taxes are due and claim that you "purchased the wrong software" by mistake.

Don't argue with me and say that you mistakenly need a security and anti-virus program. How convenient for you that you "mistakenly" purchased a copy of TurboTax on the very weekend before your income tax was due.

Don't raise cain because I won't let you return your opened software.

Don't scream at me that the return policy ought to be posted in Electronics as well as at the Service Desk. You're still not going to be able to return it.

Don't scream at me when I give you the number for the District and Regional Managers and they are not local numbers. I have no control over that or the fact that your ghetto credit is too bad for you to be able to get anything but Metro PCS and you don't want to call long distance.

Don't send your husband back in 45 minutes later with the SAME PACKAGE OF SOFTWARE and claim that it is "defective." Don't you know that I'm going to open the new package and you're still going to have an open package?

Don't you know that karma is a cruel mistress? Your sins shall be weighed and judgement doled out in equal measure for your misdeeds. Tax this heifer!


Charles J Barry said...

I'm going to open the new package and you're still going to have an open package
Good on you. You have no idea how many places get screwed by idiot employees that give customers unopened copies of software/console games/CDs/DVDs for exchanges. And not just places that don't specialize in these items either, I'm talking Music and game stores. Sometimes the employees are just as dumb as the customers.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you need a big sign over the front door that reads: This is not a rental service.

Or something.

I've been reading for a while, and do so enjoy your stories.

One thing that strikes me is that an intelligent wal-martian such as yourself seems to be the exception, rather than the rule.

Why is that, I wonder? Perhaps because the wages offered don't make the jobs attractive to people that can form and act on independant thoughts? I don't know. What I do know is that I wish there were more capable people like yourself in other consumer service positions. What I mean by that is people that can operate the equipment, know the policies, how things are supposed to work, and are able to help.

I'm so tired of arguing with and educating big box employees that just don't give a shit.

I guess what I'm really saying, is thanks for caring, and sharing these great tales from the trenches.

Steve said...

What's funny about this: if they were just trying to rent the software, they should have bought TaxCut, which offers a money back guarantee. I briefly considered saying I wasn't satisfied, but I'm not ghetto enough considering how many extra deductions it found for me.

I want to get a job at Walmart Customer Service just for a couple weeks to tell the type of people you run into that they can f* off.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Homeland Security can get into the business of taking these folks in back and showing them the business end of a flashlight.

Songbird said...

Well played, sir!

I always love reading your blog, but this entry actually took me back a bit. As an ex- Electronics Department employee of Wal-Mart, I wish I had a dime for every outraged customer that couldn't fathom the policy on opened software.

Well, them and the kids who would get angry with me for not selling them 'M' rated games when they couldn't produce ID. I'd get ranting stories about how mature they were for their age, laundry lists of other gory movies and games they'd already seen, as though that qualified them to bypass the age requirement. Sorry kid, no Grand Theft for you!

Bob Meighan said...

Whether TurboTax is opened or unopened, we offer an unconditional 60-day money back guarantee. While a small number will take unfair advantage of our customer friendly policy, overall it gives customer another reason to purchase the #1 selling software product at retail.

Bob Meighan
VP, TurboTax

Anonymous said...

Bob uses improper grammar. ha!

bbcamerican said...

I was just curious enough to look up Bob Meighan's Intuit bio page. What are the odds he really has a blogger account?

"Hi Bob. Can you throw some sponsorship dollars my way?"

And personally, I use For free.

Kevin said...

I'd say the odds of the "Vice President Consumer Advocacy" having a Blogger account are pretty damn good.

Debo Blue said...

Girl, you have some VIPs visiting your site! You go!

BTW, has Bob recommended you for a position in his customer svc dept?

Anonymous said...


FARfetched said...

Heh, that's cool having an Intuit VP post come by… well, it was probably a flunky who is directed to post for him, but still.

I switched to TaxCut for a couple of years after Intuit started doing some really nasty near-spyware things with the PC version of TurboTax — I use a Mac, but didn't want to support that behavior. Intuit cleaned up their act somewhat, and TaxCut's Mac version went away, so I switched back last year.

grundes said...

For an additional kick you could tell them they could e-file for free up to a certain income, or pay just about $10 if you earn more than ~$50K... They'd have to use the intertubes, though.