And I am calling you

Bonus points for anyone who knows what movie the song references in the post title is from. No Googling allowed.

I had a simply "delightful" couple flounce though my line Sunday. I'm pretty sure they were trying to scam, but they might have just been real, real high and real, real dumb.

She was wearing cutoffs cut clear uptohere (Daisy Duke would have blushed with shame) and something with sequins. Wedge sandals and dirty blonde (dirty & blonde) hair. The man-unit, who did nothing but grunt the entire time, had on some dirty blue jeans, a grey T-shirt and a blue ball cap.

Them: "We need to pick up some money."
ME: "A MoneyGram? Are you receiving money?"
Them: "That's it."
ME: "OK. Fill out this form with as much information as you know and we'll go from there."

MoneyGrams can be picked up three ways 1) the reference number; 2) the sender's phone number; 3) the sender's name and the receiver's name. ALL require a government-issued photo ID.

SisterGirl grabs one of my pens, gives the form AND the pen to the man and tells him to fill it out. He's starts making mistakes, so I can hear her say "Oh, let me so it." And she goes and gets another form. A minute later they're done.

When I pick up the form, all they've managed to fill out is their name and address. And the name of the person allegedly sending money to them. Straightaway, I ask for an ID. Daisy pulls one out of her pants. Amazing that anything at all fits in there. It is close enough to be her. And the signature is a reasonable fascimile. That was the last time anything went right though.

1. They don't know the reference number, despite the fact that this person "just called them" to tell them that the money "was at Wal-Mart."
2. They don't know the phone number of this mysterious person that "just called them."
3. They don't even know how much money they're supposed to be getting. Sound fishy yet?

Really. I'd say 99 out of 100 of my MoneyGram case know EXACTLY how much they're supposed to get. The ones that don't are only off by change -- usually because the sender didn't have enough to send and had to deduct from the send amount.

So the only option I had was to try and look it up by the name. Which I've done before in cases where the person has lost the reference number or managed to get the sender's information wrong -- cell phone vs. home phone for instance.

But I've ZERO transactions for these people. I tell them and this Daisy-Duked witch just goes into a rage. "What do you mean nothing available? I need that money."

So I patiently explain myself again. And I point out that if they could provide me with more information, I could try to look up the transaction another way. I ask again for the sender's telephone number. This is what she says "But he's in Texas." And that is pertinent how? Money comes and goes all the time. I sent some to Laos just last week.

ME: "But that's not the issue. Don't you have a number for him? Something he would have put down on the form?"
Them: "We don't got no number." I swear on my grandfather's grave that was the exact phrase!
ME: "Didn't you say he just called you? Can't you call him back and ask for the reference number? Or what phone number he used if he doesn't have the reference number?"
Them: "We really don't call him. He calls us."
ME: "Well, with what you gave me, I can't find your MoneyGram."
Them: "We spend a lot of money in here all the time."
ME: "That's not the issue. You don't have the information I need. When you get it, you can come back. Until then, I can't help you."
Them: "Ummmm."
ME: "Thank you."
ME, to next person in line: "Can I help you ma'am."

They leave. And don't come back.