Monday, August 28, 2006

White trash & money orders

The various types of white trash that frequent Wal-Mart really hate me. They are always trying to run some sort of game - be it returns or bad checks or even money orders. I usually stop them dead in their tracks.

This one heifer Saturday was just a hot mess. At least 30 pounds overweight, spaghetti strap top, cut-off cut clear to her business, two kids, not a day over 20, and the nastiest attitude this side of Simon Cowell.

She rolls up with this money order for $200. Now, because it is incredibly easy to fake money orders, we don't cash money orders unless they are MoneyGram receives. (To fake a money order, all you need is a good scanner, copier and printer - and a stupid customer service associate)

That is, if someone sends you money through the MoneyGram service, we print out a money order, then cash that money order immediately. We know that money order is not fake! Otherwise, no dice.

She has written on the money order and now wants to cash it. Probably needs a fix. That, or dime-bag, a box of Ding-Dongs, a bag of Funyans and a couple bottles of Yoo-hoo!

I carefully explain why we don't cash money orders. I get the "But I need this money and my mommy told me I was pretty so I can do whatever I want" look right back at me. So she goes "But this is a Wal-Mart money order. See, right here."

"Ma'am, that doesn't matter. We're not going to be able to cash that for you."

So she moves down the counter to my co-worker. Yeah, that's really going to work. I'm standing FOUR FEET AWAY.

And what these dumb hos don't know is that EVERYONE in the store comes to me for advice on any service desk questions, even managers. So yeah, you go right on and try to shop around. The new guy she's asking looks right at me. I shake my head.

She goes again and puts some whine in her voice. (as if that will work) "But I don't see why you can't."

"Ma'am, we don't cash money orders unless they come out of the MoneyGram machine with a name pre-printed on it. That is a blank money order that you have made out to someone. It is not a MoneyGram receive. We CANNOT cash it."

(with some people, it never ceases to amaze me that no matter how many times I say something, it never seems to penetrate. selective hearing is AMAZING!)

So this brilliant piece of work thinks that she's going to catch me in a lie and get her way. She goes "This is not a blank money order."

"Ma'am, I did not say that was a blank money order. I said it was a blank money order that you had filled out."

So then she gets nasty and waves the money order in my face as she turns to walk off. "Oh, I didn't understand that, because you didn't make that very clear when you were talking at me." Stupid white trash heifer.


Anonymous said...

This is the greatest blog I have run into. Please keep up the good work

Ol' Lady said...

As you know I think you are the greatest Wal Mart guy that there is!!! I just had to share this with you...I was at my local Wal Mart this afternoon exchanging a defective hair straightener (with receipt:) (yes, I know cheap crap what do I expect:) Well there was an old man ahead of me in the line...guess what he was returning??? A-1, yes, 1 lightbulb!!! I couldn't believe it. Although I'm sure you can believe it. BTW the customer servive lady was so nice and I told her so and I told her about your blog she thought that was
hilarious. She was very pleasent to be served by. There are some of you out there that deserve a nice pat on the back :)

Amber said...

Like everyone else has stated, your blog is incredibly funny, but this one is confusing. Maybe you can clear it up for me? So Wal-Mart doles out Money Orders [besides the MoneyGram], but won't accept them? That doesn't make sense. I'd be irritated if a business printed off a money order for me, but won't honor it if I need to cash it back in, such as with a cancelled order.

Anonymous said...

Exactly! Why do Walmart employees print out a money order from money gram, tell you it's just like cash (because you asked 5 times to make sure), and then tell you the very next day (at the same Walmart) that you CAN'T cash it! That is ridiculous !!!!

Anonymous said...

Fag ur the reason i kill people.

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