Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Howler Monkeys

My new term for children who misbehave in public is "howler monkeys." The howler monkeys were in full effect on Sunday.

At once point, it seemed like a chorus. All we needed was a baton and it would have been a full choral concert, complete with sopranos, altos and a soloist.

Our star performer was a sweet young thing with a huge head of frizzy blonde hair and the voice of an angel - or a harpy - depending on how you looked at it.

I was doing a return on a pair of jeans when this scream that probably curdled all the milk in the store tore through the register area. It was long, loud and sounded like someone was being beaten with a red-hot iron poker. And it continued to get louder and louder.

I looked up and there was this girl, sitting in a buggy and howling her head off. I mean, she was really letting rip. Her face was starting to turn red, she was waving her arms and dear Papa was just standing there, looking over the receipt.

The woman in front of me was like "What the hell?"

Two minutes later, we get the explanation. I get this woman that doesn't speak much English, but she wants to return two kids books. Specifically, THAT kid's books.

The kid tossed the books in the cart when Mama and Papa weren't looking, and they weren't going to pay $4. Yep. That whole howling fit was over $4.

The woman looked almost ashamed when she said "Her father won't let her have them."

Good lord. Either you've never said "NO!" to the kid before or there is something seriously wrong in that family!


Anonymous said...

ROTFLMFAO!!! That is the best description I have ever heard for misbehaving kids. There is nothing that will run me out of a store, eatery or shop quicker than "howler monkeys"! GEEZ, why can't parents do something with their kids these days. Love your description.

Anonymous said...

I only found this blog recently, and I've been reading all of the posts (I'm back to the one about the garden hose). The first thing I want to say is your posts are very funny! Especially when you start reading them. But after reading a good many, I have been thinking about it. I don't want to sound rude, but you know, you might want to consider finding another job. I fear that this job is distorting your view on people in general and making you bitter. I know that a lot of low-lifes shop at WalMart, but regular people do too. I'm a teacher. I'm well educated, have a master's degree plus additional hours. I shop at WalMart ONLY because I don't make enough money to shop elsewhere. It also concerns me that you seem to have an intense dislike for women. I know that you probably deal with women more than you deal with men, since women do most of the shopping, therefore they are the ones that you get upset with the most because you see them the most. But not all of us are "crack whores" or "fat cows". I'm not trying to sound like a therapist (although I probably do, and this post will probably get a lot of angry responses). At any rate, your blog IS funny!

The dykes next door said...

I worked at a Mervyns for four years. Because you are competent and take pride in your work, you get abused...I know how that goes. I was part-time, but they would save the jobs for me that the full time people couldn't or wouldn't do, like mark-ups/mark-downs. That's the curse of anyone that has some sense when they work retail. At certain times of the year, I would WISH someone would attack me in the parking lot so I could legally beat them up and get rid of some of the frustration from dealing with those people. And Mervyns is a step (or maybe 2 steps) up from WalMart.

The dykes next door said...

Your blog has gotten me thinking about the time I spent in retail. (I also had another job and was only part time-night and of course, weekends). I worked in childrens clothing department. During the back-to-school weeks, I worked my regular job plus 40(or sometimes more) hours at Mervyns. At that time of the year, I would go to the dressing room and bring out PILES of children's clothing, ALL of it turned inside out, and NONE of it on hangers. And of course, you had your empty underwear packages, etc. I don't know why, but I was amazed at that time that someone would use their child to steal. I made the dressing room run every 30 minutes, and it was in the same condition every time.

di said...

To the teacher,
You sound like my sister-in-law who is also a teacher. Somehow she misses all the "good stuff" happening at Wal-Mart while she's shopping there. Although, this store is in FL and I am in PA I can assure you that everything our blogger is saying is true. The problem with Wal-Mart shoppers in general is that since some manager gave them an inch one time they act like they have the right to take a mile. Just so spoiled. I wish I knew the quote from Sam Walton's book about "spoiling the customer". He was all for it!! But in this day and age it doesn't work very well.
In response to the entry about the guys with lamp. Chris, I believe we have a dopple ganger situation in our mist (sp.). That situation was almost word for word about what happened the other night. Spooky!!

Anonymous said...

To di,
I don't understand what you are talking about me missing all the "good stuff". Also, I didn't say that I didn't believe him...I definitely believe him. I was just concerned that working at WalMart was taking a toll on him. Sometimes money isn't a good enough reason to put yourself through hell. Your mental health is more important than money.

The dykes next door said...

I was just going back and reading earlier posts, and I see that your family is in Monroe, La. I lived in Monroe for about 25 years. I went to college there, married my now ex-husband and stayed. I still go there every now and then to see my ex-mother-in-law. I moved to Shreveport 11 years ago. Monroe is like a large little country town. It was fine when I lived there (because I came from an even smaller town in south La. and it seemed like a large city at the time), but I wouldn't go back. Besides, my wife works for the "liberal media" over here, and going to Monroe would be a huge step down for her. And, by the way, thanks for all the pro-democrat posts! I am what they call a "yellow dog democrat" down here in the south. Cant' stomach a republican!

Leigh said...

wow. it's a good thing they stuck to their guns on the no or they would just be teaching their child that screaming is an acceptable way to get what you want.

Anonymous said...

Walmart enables people to act like jerks and get away with scamming them because they remove the authority of their employees by basicallly giving customers what they demand, even when they are obviously wrong. So even when you know you are right and the customer is full of it you are still told to give in. Wal mart may as well leave a bowl of money on the counter with a sign saying 'help yourself'.