Monday, June 05, 2006

Total white trash meltdown

People have no concept of public vs. private anymore. They argue on cell phones and scream in little earbuds while everyone around looks at them like they're having a spastic fit. Those are fun. Then you get the couples who bring the domestic dispute over who was supposed to pick up the suitcase of Natural Light up into the Wal-Mart.

This totally unsavory couple rolls up Sunday night. If they don't live in a trailer, whatever they do live in isn't much of a step up. They've got three young kids and two bags of stuff. The girl goes "We're out of money."

Of course, she doesn't have the receipt. She finally agrees to take store credit. This is what all they are returning. A can of Pam cooking spray, some other kind of cooking spray, some hardware to hang blinds, some baby clothes, a bottle of salad dressing and some sheets for a baby bed. OK, they are returning their kids' clothes.

She didn't have a purse, just a thing to keep her cigarettes in. She had six Wal-Mart receipts crammed in there and a hundred-dollar bill. The whole time she's screwing around looking for this receipt, one of the snot-nosed brats is screaming "Mama, I wanna dollar. Mama, I wanna dollar." And then the brat REACHES for the hundred.

She slaps his hand, then goes, "No baby, that's a hundred of them." The husband, who has just been looking at all this, chooses now to speak up. "Why can't you find the thing to so's we can get some money."

She goes "I don't know baby, it must be back at the house." And then he utters the best line of the night. "Well, I just want to know that you'll support me." Yeah. HE said THAT.

So when it comes time to punch in her DL number, it turns out she's done the same thing on May 20, May 21 and May 23. They must be out of money all the time. I tell her she can't return the stuff. So she goes "Well, that's my roommate's returns."

I go, "well ma'am, if you allowed her to use your license, you are responsible for that. If you can find the receipt, you can get your money back. Otherwise, you won't be able to return these items." I bagged that stuff back up, tied the bags and handed it back over the counter.

She gave me a look that would melt concrete. I gave her one back. "Is that all ma'am?" She took the brats and the kept man and left. The people behind them still had their mouths open.

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