Five Finger Fridays, V.13.0

Because the Wal-martians got to steal to stay alive! Why pay when it is free for the taking? Sorry this week's theft report is late. I got issues too, you know.

-- a package of Head-On migraine relief pills
-- four weightlifting gloves
-- a three-watt LED flashlight
-- a pair of craft scissors
-- three packages of iron-on letters
-- "Dogz" for the GameBoy Advance
-- a 1 gig Kodak memory card (lordy, do the white trash even know what TO DO with a memory card? It ain't to help you pass a test!)
-- a package of Midol
-- four Chain Reactions key rings
-- a box of the Shania Twain perfume
-- a "Rainbow Adventure" DVD (for the budding homosexual shoplifter)
-- a Sony 2 gig memory stick (again, do you EVEN KNOW what to do with these?)
-- two "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" DVDs
-- the hottest CD of the season - "Salsa and Cumbia Party Fuente All-Stars"
-- a tube of Neutrogena Blemish treatment (oh, but how will you treat the blemish on your SOUL!)
-- Rohto redness relief (file under random, WTF, are you crazy?)
-- a SkilSaw blade
-- a tube of Vicks VapoRub
-- four, count 'em four tubes of ScarZone with Green Tea extract (is there a hot market for this?)
-- an Ana Barbara CD
-- a pack of Advil Liquigels (no doubt to soothe the pain of standing on your feet shoplifting all day.)
-- a pack of titanium drill bits
-- a weight belt (this is big. And it just walked right out of the store. Our people are as dumb as sh**.)
-- a whole damn tube of Monistat3 (Seriously girlfriend. If you got the issues *down there* - you need to get to a clinic or something. Stolen goods from the House of Wal might not clear up your little problem. And do you really trust pharmaceuticals from a place that sells lead-lined toys to children? Didn't think so.)
-- a package of X-Large men's briefs
-- a pack of Revlon Colorstay lip gloss in Timeless Nude (color is better girls. Trust me. Save the nude for the bedroom. Or Playboy.)
-- a bottle of Robitussin DM

Five Finger Fridays: V.12.0

Faster than speeding Loss Prevention officer, able to leap Mart Carts in single bound, sworn to lie, cheat, steal and thieve with the audacity of any Enron official - THAT'S RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! It's time for another edition of Five Finger Friday ya'll!

-- a "Grand Theft Auto San Andreas" video game (How effing appropriate!)
-- a SeaSense Bowlight
-- a 1 gig flash drive
-- a Dr. Scholl's Swedish file
-- four packages of Glade plug-ins (Why Kali why? Can your house possibly be that stinky?)
-- a pack of Koss ear buds
-- two pairs of earrings
-- a "Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer" DVD
-- a set of Barbie Princess walkie talkies
-- a stick of Mitchum deodorant (found the wrapping in the bathroom)
-- a "28 Weeks Later" DVD
-- a HP 2 megapixel Webcam
-- a pack of OFF Deep Woods towelettes
-- a "Luxor 2" CD game (I hope these mummies be cursing these thieves.)
-- a bottle of ANTONIO by Antonio Banderas cologne (Um. OK. Whatever. I love the smell of pilfer in the morning.)
-- a copy of "The Reaping" on DVD. (No taste in cinema. NONE AT ALL!)
-- a Los Grey's "Linea de Oro" CD
-- a two-bagger of Vicente Fernandez CD's; "Living Legend" and "El Hijo de Pueblo"
-- a godforsaken Spongebob Squarepants Wii game, "Kreature from the Krusty Krab" - Someone please harvest this sponge, dry it, soak it in dish detergent and use it to wash a sink full of crusty pots and pans. Please!
-- Jamie Foxx's alleged return to serious acting, "Redemption" on DVD
-- National Lampoon's "Pucked" on DVD (Hands up if you knew this even existed. Jon Bon Jovi was in this hot mess! For reals.)
-- "Transformers" on DVD. I'm an AutoBots girl all the way, but I still love the scene from the cartoon where Megatron turns into a big honking pistol.
-- some more Alli (must be time for refill. Don't forget the toilet paper and adult diapers.)
-- some more Glade Plug-Ins, in lavender and vanilla flavors
-- a big box of Queen Anne cordial cherries
-- a combination lock (the better to guard your stolen stuff, I presume?)
-- a package of Fashion Express fake nails and nail art
-- a Disney Magical Light-Up neclkace and matching bracelet
-- and finally, some piece of probably deserved-to-be-stolen, direct-to-DVD movie, "Da Block Party 2" - (Who in Chaka Khan's name watch's this stuff? For real. At least there's a character named Kanisha. You know she can sling the ghetto up in here. Don't mess wid Kanisha. Dat heffa wul cut you up!)

Five Finger Fridays: V.11.0

Today's list is kind of thin. It was so busy that I didn't get the chance to write much down.

That said, it was obviously movie night somewhere. We had enough movies stolen to open up a Netflix outlet.

Please remember to silence your cell phones. Refreshments are available in our lobby. Gift certificates may be purchased at our box office. Thank you, and enjoy the show.

-- a "We Are Marshall" DVD
-- a "Surf's Up" DVD (the other, other, other penguin movie, you know, the one with surfing.)
-- a "Redline" DVD (Some crappy "Fast & the Furious" knockoff. When Amazon is selling used copies for $2.19, you know it is baaaaaaaaad.)
-- a "Next" DVD (Nicholas Cage needs hair plugs - and acting lessons, stat!)
-- a "Jungle Book" DVD
-- a "Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer" DVD
-- "The Condemned" on DVD (Starring people I've never heard of. Sounds like a knockoff of the much superior "Series 7.")
-- "Charlotte's Web" on DVD (loved book, meh on the animated movie)
-- a Pretty Ricky "Late Night Special" CD
-- a 20 in. dog leash
-- another dog leash (all the dog supplies we have stolen. Either someone has a fetish or needs to learn to budget.)
-- a package of Bic pens
-- a "Bachata #1's" DVD (Can someone explain to me what bachata is and why people are so anxious to steal it?)
-- two packages of Gillette Fusion razor blades (I cut myself to stop from stealing. Or in my meth lab. Whatever comes first.)
-- two packages of WeedEater coil, rope, plastic whatever
-- "Lost Planet" computer game for a PC (yeah, that's another $40 down the tubes.)
-- a Microsoft Lifecam VX-1000 (because, you know, we just leave stuff lying around and our idiotic sales associates totally don't notice someone walking out with a Web cam stuffed in their pockets.)
-- and the crown jewel of the collection, a $98.68 Cobra radar detector, snagged right out of the box. Why do we even bother with charging for some items? We ought to just open the door and declare a free for all. If you grab it and get back out the door in under ten minutes, it is yours. Individual human power only, no teams or devices. Pushing, pulling and tugging allowed. Otherwise, armed guards will be patrolling. Shoot to kill. After a week of that, there won't be any shoplifters.

Five Finger Fridays: V.10.0

People steal. And deserve to have their eyes carved out with rusty sporks.

-- a Vincente Fernandez CD
-- a "Bachata: Simply the Best" CD
-- a pack of felt pads to put under furniture & chair legs to keep from damaging floors
-- a "Backyardigans" DVD
-- a "Chicken Little" DVD
-- "South Park: Season 8" on DVD. I'm glad you have decent taste in comedy, but I wonder what you'd do if Deputy Cartman was hauling you out in steel bracelets screaming "Respect my authorita!"
-- some decorative chain used for hanging lamps or plants
-- a Zippo lighter
-- Keyshia Cole's "The Way it Is" CD
-- three-quarters of a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates
-- a Baby Ben alarm clock (Please Anubis, please, let whoever stole it be using it to make a bomb to remove me from my misery) NOTE TO FEDERAL ATF AGENTS AND WAL-SPYS: This is sarcasm! I do not now nor ever plan to set of an explosive device in the the Wal-Mart. Unless I have a microwave burrito for lunch - in which case all bets are off.
-- a Dawn Patrol steering-wheel mounted bicycle headlight
-- a tube of Blistex
-- a tube of chapstick (damn girl, what you been working those lips on?)
-- a dog tie out
-- Iced Out grills for teeth - similar to this, but the $2.99 plastic Wal-Mart Halloween costume version.
-- a pack of Energizer AAA batteries
-- three Lexar 1GB memory cards (found these in the bathroom trash can myself)
-- and finally, CLAP! CLAP! "Rose bearers!" .... a "Coming to America" DVD - (who actually knew this was nominated for TWO - not one, but TWO Oscars?) Thank you Eddie & Arsenio for making me laugh. Although God only knows how much you paid James Earl Jones to be in that.

Five Finger Fridays: V.9.0

Obviously whoever took the first few packs of Alli back a few weeks ago needs a refill, because an empty pack washed up Saturday. $62.88 for an Alli refill pack. Welcome to the House of Wal. How may we stain your drawers tonight?

Because some people are just joining the fun, Five Finger Fridays are a list of the empty packages, found tags and otherwise presumed stolen items turned in to Customer Service. Just Customer Service. There is another ten-gallon storage bin in the store's Claims area that is filled EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Welcome to the House of Wal. Please help yourself.

So spray on a few puffs of your finest Liz Arden knock-off, knock back another few swigs of the Natty Light, grab some Funyuns for the road and clean out yo' diaper bag for the loot! It's another edition of Five Finger Friday ya'll!

-- obviously, a refill package of Alli, ringing in at $62.88
-- most of a pack of Spiderman band-aids (the rest I added to our first-aid kid, because customers always ask for a band-aid and they were probably going into the trash anyway)
-- a Sanyo phone battery
-- L'Oreal Volume Shocking mascara
-- a 1MBGB Fujifilm memory card (That's $22.88 down the tubes because Wal-Mart doesn't believe in keeping stuff locked up anymore because they don't want customers to "wait" for someone to get there to unlock the cases. The only things that are locked up are the video games, game systems and some other high-end stuff.)
-- a double feature "Lake Placid" and "Python" DVD (uh, I'm more scared of you for stealling this crap than I am of the crap you stole!)
-- an iPod nano case. (If you can afford an iPod nano, why you got to steal?)
-- a Los Angeles Azules "Para Ti ... Nuestra Historia" CD
-- a Motorola cell phone car charger
-- a Duplicolor Scratch Fix 2 in 1 Premium Touch-Up Repair Kit
-- a Bulldog-brand snap hook
-- a tattoo-sleeve shirt that's being sold as part of our Halloween costumes
-- Digital Concepts digital camera - another $84.88+tax down the tubes
-- an Armitron watch
--a $17.74 Disney watch with a leather wrist strap
-- Ozark Trail (the Wal-Mart outdoors brand) glow sticks
-- some Cover Girl "Skin Clean" make-up (Good thing your skin is clean. Because your conscience sure as hell isn't!)
-- kiddie scissors. WITH RUBBER ENDS SO A CHILD DOES NOT CUT HIMSELF. IF YOU NEED SCHOOL SUPPLIES YOU NEED TO REGISTER WITH SOME CHARITY. DAMN. This is just shameful. It is beyond shameful. I hope the spawn of your diseased loins grows up, moves away, never speaks to you again, then returns to put you in an old folks home where they handcuff you to the bed and you die old, alone and forgotten by everyone you ever knew. While staring at your gallstones in a jar on your bedside table. Because no one ever brings you flowers. Stealing school supplies is just plain wrong. Moving on.
-- a Motorola bluetooth headset (another $38.74+tax down the tubes)
-- Tylenol PM
-- Extra Strength Tylenol (no, I didn't take it, although I wished I had a few pills!)
-- "The Monster Squad" DVD
-- a pack of Fing'rs nail art (Seriously, who knew nail art was going to get all fancy and start dropping the "e"? C'mon. Get real.)
-- a box of Elizabeth Arden Obsession perfume
-- a pair of Bob Allen shotgunner gloves (do they just steal because they want to?)
-- a Linksys Network Adapter (another $59.74+tax, stolen right out of the box because they're sitting right out on the shelf.)

As a special bonus, one of the maintenance ladies found a pack of tags in the family restroom at the rear of the store. It looks like someone went in with a nice selection of items, ranging in size from 3T up to 6 Girls (plus a pair of No Boundaries earrings) and layered them on their baby, then just as calmly walked out the bathroom and right on out the door with $31.41 in toddler & girls clothes that I'm sure are going to come back tomorrow, sans tags and the claim "Oh, we got these as gifts."

Five Finger Fridays, V.8.0

You know the drill. Put on a baggy sweatshirt and some cargo pants. Wear sneakers in case you got to run. Have the cell phone for yo' mama and yo' bail bondsman handy. Bring a U-Haul for all the loot and an ice-chest if you plan to hit the groceries. A girl got EAT to you know! It's time for another edition of Five Finger Fridays - cause Wal-Mart customers got more itchy fingers than OJ got legal problems.

PS: If you stole that copy of "The Goonies" and you're reading this, it's OK to admit to your Corey Feldman crush. He was the cuter of the Coreys. We all know that. Even if he did turn out to be a bit of a greaser.

And we're off:

-- a package of Papermate pens
-- yet another "Kickin' it Old Skool" DVD (My God people. Jamie. Freaking. Kennedy. White boy can't act.)
-- a "DOA: Dead or Alive" DVD
-- a "Love and Basketball" DVD
-- a "Delta Farce" DVD
-- a "Red Line" DVD (Seriously. When did people start lifting Dom DeLuise movies? Did I miss a cultural renaissance or something?)
-- a "Spiderman 2" DVD (James Franco yes, Tobey Maguire no)
-- a "Benchwarmers" DVD
-- an "April Fools" DVD (Sounds like a cinematic masterpiece!)
-- an "All You've Got" DVD (Yet another Oscar-quality masterpiece here!)
-- a Goonies DVD (FINALLY! Somebody with some taste up in here!)
-- a "Dead or Alive Xtreme 2" Xbox 360 game
-- two watches
-- a box of Stetson cologne
-- a Maisto Tailwinds model airplane
-- a set of Gillette Mach3 razors (the better to slice open the packages with)
-- a pack of Gillette Fusion razors (the better to slice open my wrists with)
-- a boys mouth guard, used for sports activities
-- a pack of Glade Plug-Ins, Hawaiian Breeze scent
-- a pack of bra extenders
-- a bottle of CK "Obsession" scent (still rank)
-- a bottle of Elizabeth Arden Red Door perfume
-- a bottle of the Elizabeth Arden "Sunflower" scent (somebody mama had a birthday)
-- a package of Diurex (somebody mama on a diet)
-- a tube of Sensodyne toothpaste (somebody mama got some cavities, yo!)
-- a tube of lipstick (somebody mama got a hot date tonight)
-- two mini picture frames (somebody mama just had twins)
-- a Motorola Bluetooth headset for a cell phone (somebody mama just got a new cell phone)
-- and a pack of Energizer D batteries (I guess somebody mama just got a divorce! Uh-huh. For reals!)

Five Finger Fridays: V.7.0: Croc in a box

I know you got issues with your footwear, but I personally would like to know in what universe you find it acceptable to go to a store, try on some shoes, find ones you like, then leave with a new pair? YOU KNOW, WITHOUT SOME MONEY GOING BACK AND FORTH!

Store. Tienda. Magasin. Speicher. Opslag. Deposito. Loja.
(according to Babelfish, in English, Spanish, French, German, Dutch, Italian and Portuguese)

THAT'S RIGHT, SOMEBODY NEED TO PAY FOR SOMETHING. That's why they call it a "store." Say it with me slowly "suh-to-ar." WHERE YOU BUY THINGS.

One of the new assistant managers comes up with a box and goes "Look at this." He opens it up and there's the two grayish Crocs sitting there - along with the package for some gel insoles.

"Where did you find it," I asked him. "Over by ladieswear, tucked up under one of the racks."

By the way. Thanks SO MUCH for leaving us your dirty pair of white faux Crocs right there in the box. If CSI: Hallandale was on the case, we'd be able to give any blonde Calleigh Duquesne-wannabe all the toenail gunk they'd need to hunt you down. PS: You really, really should have grabbed some Odor Eaters to go with them shoes. Cause you got the funk. And not in the George Clinton with Parliament kind of way. Okay? Okay.

Size seven hiking boots, $44.78. Gel insoles, $4.79. Making it onto Behind the Counter, priceless.

Here's the rest of this week's five-finger offerings. Rev up your Mart-Carts, sharpen your Lee-Press-On Nails and get ready to grab. Cause you know, Wal-Mart shoppers gots the itchy fingers like B-Rit had a few drinks and some Vicodin before she do the VMAs. You know, cause, like, mouthing the words to a song is just so haaaaard.

We'll start with the heavy hitters.

-- a $97 Cingular GO phone. I mean. We need to start locking this stuff UP!
-- an EQUATE PREGNANCY TEST. Look. Sister-ghurl. I'ma give you some advice. SERIOUSLY. You need to AT LEAST get the ClearBlueEasy or something. That Wal-Mart brand is more than likely defective. They do get returned. You know it come from China right? And really, tests are fuh-ree down at Planned Parentood.
-- a box of Stetson aftershave
-- a box of TaxCut software (wait, is it tax season again already?)
-- a box of L'Oreal haircolor #64 - Copper
-- a blood pressure monitor
-- a "Wicker Man" DVD (there's no accounting for taste)
-- about six packs of Magic the Gathering cards
-- two bars of Hershey whole bean chocolate
-- a "Kicking it Old Skool" DVD (Someone please for the love of Buddha and Baal dissuade Jamie Kennedy of the notion that he can act, stat!)
-- a Monistat 7 combination pack (where on - or in! - the body this was smuggled out I wonder?)
-- not one but TWO boxes of Mama Mary's Microwave Pancakes Because stealing microwaveable food makes so much sense? Someone help me here.
-- a "Superstar" DVD Trust me folks. It doesn't get better with age. It always was - and always will be - one not-funny joke stretched out for 90 excruciatingly long minutes.
-- a pack of lug nuts
-- a "Van Wilder: Unrated" DVD Still not funny.
-- two packages of Dove Chocolates
-- two watches
-- orthodontic wax (I swear on the many arms of Kali that I can't make this shit up!)
-- Doublemint mints
-- Gerber Graduates fruit strips and a box of Gerber Graduates bitter biscuits
-- a night light
-- a pack of Hubba Bubba bubblegum
-- a pack of Trident bubblegum
-- a Myriam Hernandez "Enamorandome" CD
-- a Luis Miguel "Mis Boleros Favoritos" CD
-- an Isabel Pantoja "La Historia .. Mis Exitos" CD
-- a Luis Fonsi "Exitos 98:06" CD
-- an Alejandro Fernandez "Viento a Favor" CD
-- a Frankie J "Priceless" CD obviously, this turned out to be prophetic. It didn't have a price because it was five-finger discounted fuh-ree!
-- a Babyface "Love Songs" CD
-- a Tank "Sex, Love & Pain" CD
-- a Sam's Choice seven-ounce chocolate bar
-- a Caramello bar
-- a bag of Stacy's cinnamon sugar pita chips
-- a thing of Yogos Strawberry Slam Yogurt-Covered Fruity Dots
-- a box of L'Oreal Preference hair color - Ash Blonde
-- a box of faux "Wind Song" cologne by Prince Matchabelli
-- a pack of Rayovac AAA batteries
-- a DVD of R.L. Stine's "Haunting Hour" kid's book

Five Finger Fridays: V.6.0

You be knowing the drill. Hands out and at the ready, cargo pants cleaned out and ready to stuff, big bulky jacket ready to hide the merch. STICKY FINGERS PRIMED. Wal-Mart customers be having the grabby digits like Larry Craig be having a Bob Fosse moment in a Minneapolis airport bathroom.

So, what done got stole this week?

-- two boxes of Nailene "Perfect Toes" manicure sets
-- a kids bouncy-ball toy (packaging found in bathroom)
-- a HALO computer game (found the empty box shoved behind a bunch of bottles of grapefruit juice)
-- a set of "Puppy in my Pocket" toys
-- a package of Garnier Nutrisse hair color, #40 - Dark Brown
-- a package of Claritin
-- a super-cheap plastic ring with a strobe light on it
-- two packages of Dove chocolates (empties found in store)
-- two wristwatches (one for him, one for her, no cash for Wal-Mart!)
-- Xbox 360 game "Gun"
-- Xbox 360 game "Hitman"
-- Xbox 360 game "Just Cause" (I wish I was back there requesting these. I guess they just hand them out of the locked cases like candy now!)
-- a package of Fixodent (because you never know when your teeth is just gonna fall right out in the middle of the Wal-Mart!)
-- a $68 radar detector
-- an entire box of ClearBlueEasy pregnancy tests (make him wrap it before he slaps it - then you won't be worrying about it come your moon time girls!)
-- Collagen wrinkle formula pills
-- milk thistle pills (ewwwwwwwwwwwwww)
-- cellphone bling crystals (if you need to shoplift to bling out your cell phone, you need to cut back on ringtones, downloads and calling your best friend Quanice to talk about her baby-daddy)
-- half of a Cadbury Caramello
-- most of a box of Dora the Explorer band-aids (We got free band-aids at the Service Desk if you need one. You ain't gotta steal. Wait. Right. You do. Because that's just how you act.)
-- an XBox 360 game controller (Obviously, some got a system - probably stole it from somewhere too - lock your doors - and just came in and started lifting stuff. It's wonder we had any games & accessories left by the end of the night!)
-- a set of "Littlest Pet Shop" toys & accessories (seriously, what was it with the kids toys? was it a birthday party you had to go to or something?)
-- some L'Oreal Age Perfect eye cream (Girl, you better get some more. Stock up next time. The temperature in Hades is gonna hell with your fair skin.)
-- some Revon ColorStay powder & matching mascara
-- a pack of Gillette Mach3 razors

Five Finger Fridays: V.5.0

You know the drill. Wal-Mart customers gots the itchy fingers like LiLo gots the firecrotch and a drug problem. They be sampling the merch like Larry Craig in an airport bathroom.

-- a set of Sally Hansen fake nails (girls, I am going to say it one more time - stay away from the Sally Hansen! It is cheap and will ruin your cuticles!)
-- a kiddie teething toy
-- a pack of Dr. Scholls Wart-Away liquid
-- a pack of Bimbunuelos cookies (sampled in store)
-- a pack of Now & Later candies (sampled in store)
-- an entire package of balloons
-- a package of fuses
-- an iPod holder
-- pack of Vassarette bras (tags found in ladies room)
-- a box of Cheese Nips (90% eaten in store)
-- two "Wild Hogs" DVDs (Not only do you steal, but you have bad taste as well?)
-- an Ivy Queen Flashback CD (Who? What? Why? Even the Travolta travesty is better than this!)
-- a two-pack of tweeters for a car audio system
-- a package of Aleve
-- a package of Tylenol
-- a bottle of Excedrin (because, OMG, the lights, the staff, the other shoppers, the Loss Prevention, it always gives me such a headache when I'm trying to pilfer...)
-- a pack of Electrolux light bulbs (seriously, how did you hide them? No. Wait. I don't wanna know.)
-- a package of Claritin.
-- a $148 MotoRazr V3 pay-as-you-go cell phone (the crown jewel of today's collection)
-- a $14.97 package of Neutrogena wrinkle cream (no doubt to be returned for store credit later)
-- a $17.42 package of Olay Regenerist lip cream (see note above)
-- a $13.52 package of Maybelline makeup (see above) Maybe they paid for it, maybe they're going to hell!
-- the fake "Red by Giorgio" perfume (They deserve what they get. Fake perfume stank.)
-- this Jenni Rivera CD
-- Secret "clinical strength" deodorant (Strong enough for a woman. Made for a shoplifter!)
-- a pack of PaperMate pens (got to keep track of what you're stealing man! Big Momma want a CD, Big Poppa want a watch, Sister need some diaper fuh her baby...)
-- Three watches
-- a whole box of the Nicorette Commit stop-smoking patch. (Because ciggies are too hard to steal!)
-- a box of Gerber Graduates Lil' Crackers (mostly consumed in store)
-- and a box of Great Value prunes (seriously I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! Your digestive issues are your problem.)

Five Finger Fridays: V.4.0

You knows the drill. Wal-Mart customers gots the itchy fingers. Hat tip to Anonymous from last Friday for the title "Five Finger Fridays." Me likey.

This week's list is a bit short. I was dead tired by the time I left, and we were so busy I really didn't get a good chance to catalog all the theft.

-- a two-pack of silicone bra inserts
-- a bottle of Aquafina (consumed in store)
-- and El Movimiento CD
-- a two-pack of Sharpie pens
-- a set of Crayola markers
-- four pairs of sunglasses (tags for all four found in the ladies room)
-- a $3.68 bag of chicken tenders from the deli (found empty in a shopping cart)
-- a child's Sippy Cup
-- a box of acne medication
-- a set of Maybelline lip pencils and and eye shadow (maybe they bought it, maybe they're going to hell!)
-- a box of the Britney Spears perfume
-- a Hector El Father CD
-- a Vicks Vap-o-Rub inhaler
-- a package of chlorine tabs for either a pool or an aquarium (I didn't get a good look at the box)
-- a pair of size 8&189; athletic shoes (found the old pair in the box)
-- half a bag of peanut M&Ms

Five Finger Fridays: V.3.0

More of the same. I'm thinking of "Filching Fridays" as a name for the continuing series. I would like to keep the post on either Friday or Saturday and be alliterative in the title. Your opinions welcome.

-- A Cascio watch
-- a bottle of Advil (howler monkeys perhaps?)
-- a Marc Anthony CD
-- Two pairs of Faded Glory socks
-- Three pairs of the socks with the gold stitching in the toe
-- two bags of plaintain chips (eaten in store)
-- two of the new 12 oz. Red Bull cans (both consumed in store)
-- a Wrangler men's shirt
-- a tube of Orajel pain reliever
-- a pack of SalonPerfect lashes
-- some ponytail bands
-- a pair of the special polarized glasses sold in sporting goods
-- a bag of beef jerky (80% eaten in store)
-- two food slicers (from housewares)
-- two food choppers
-- two handheld food processors
-- one meat tenderizer mallet (if you need kitchen stuff, go to a thrift store)
-- a "Vatos" DVD
-- a package of Sharpies
-- a container of Hartz dog worming medication
-- two bottles of Zephyrhills water (consumed in store)
-- two Disturbia DVDs
-- an entire set of "Storytime with Dora & Blue" books
-- a bag of chicken tenders worth $4.76 (eaten in the store)
-- an Alacranes Musical CD
-- a "Spiderman" DVD
-- two 16 oz. bottles of Coke
-- one package of Icebreakers gum
-- one package of Trident
-- a CD/DVD to play the computer game "Diablo"
-- a package of SuperGlue
-- a package of Dove chocolate almonds (70% eaten in store)
-- a ham and cheese Lunchable
-- a fifteen-inch serrated saw blade (Maintenance woman found the package in the bathroom. Why? Just please tell me why?)

Five Finger Fridays: V.2.0

I might make this a weekly feature. I have to remember to make a list - and try to do it on the sly. Keep in mind this is just at the Service Desk. There's another ten-gallon bin back in Claims that gets filled up every single day. Every. Single. Day.

- a package of Revlon eye shadow
- four packages of Rayovac AA batteries
- one package of Energizer hearing aid batteries
- DVD of "The Number 23" zero taste
- One box of Alli (no word on the toilet paper)
- a package of flaming skull decals for a car or motorbike
- a knife, the kind from sporting goods that is supposed to be locked up
- two Daddy Yankee CDs
- a package of Neutrogena concealer
- a Glade Scented Oil Plug-In
- a Dole Juice drink (half-consumed in store, very likely not paid for)
- a Vtech infants phone toy
- two pairs of gel insoles for men's shoes
- two ladies watches - one Metro 7 brand, one a low-end Cascio
- one package of Scuncï hair bands (Mötley Crüe escaped)
- a one gig USB Flash drive
- and two copies of "300" Seriously. Thieving is so NOT Sparta. And Leonidas would so kick you into the pit for stealing

Five Finger Fridays: V.1.0

We're in a ghetto neighborhood. People think Wal-Mart is either a rental agency or just a U-Pick stand. Here's just a partial list of what washed up stolen this weekend. Please keep in mind this is just what we find the EMPTY packages for - not what walks right out the store and we never discover.

• An EPT pregnancy test.
  
• Four packages of mens/boys underwear - really odd; I think it was some sort of prank/dare where some kids wore them out under their clothes. No ever steals underwear and leaves the package behind.
  
• A tube of Lotrimin AF
  
• Seven DVDs, including "High School Musical," "My Super Sweet 16 - Season 1," "Premonition," "Shooter" and "Happy Feet"
  
• Eight CDs - including 50 Cent and an old Mariah Carey
  
• Razor blades
  
• A baby's teething ring
  
• A baby's pacifier
  
• Two packages of razors
  
• Men's wallet
  
• Three boxes of Clairol hair color
  
• Box of band-aids (almost totally gone)
  
• A tube of Preparation H hemorrhoid cream
  
• A pack of peanut M&Ms
  
• One egg of L'eggs pantyhose
  
• Two 2GB memory cards for digital cameras
  
• A cell phone hip holster
  
• Pack of LifeStyles condoms
  
• Two packs of Trojans condoms
  
• A tube of KY
  
• One bottle of Excedrin (to deal with the inevitable howler monkey byproduct of the Trojans & KY, perhaps)
  
• An apple (Yes, I found the core.)
  
• 1 2GB Flash drive
  
• Scooby-doo toothbrush
  
• Swiss Army knife
  
• Three packs of AAA batteries
  
• One pack of multi-colored Sharpies
  
• A pack of Elizabeth Arden perfume
• A pack of children's barettes
• A pack of adult's ponytail holders
• and a dog leash
  

UPDATED to add BoingBoing's list of Most shoplifted items.