Friday, October 26, 2007

Five Finger Fridays, V.13.0

Because the Wal-martians got to steal to stay alive! Why pay when it is free for the taking? Sorry this week's theft report is late. I got issues too, you know.

-- a package of Head-On migraine relief pills
-- four weightlifting gloves
-- a three-watt LED flashlight
-- a pair of craft scissors
-- three packages of iron-on letters
-- "Dogz" for the GameBoy Advance
-- a 1 gig Kodak memory card (lordy, do the white trash even know what TO DO with a memory card? It ain't to help you pass a test!)
-- a package of Midol
-- four Chain Reactions key rings
-- a box of the Shania Twain perfume
-- a "Rainbow Adventure" DVD (for the budding homosexual shoplifter)
-- a Sony 2 gig memory stick (again, do you EVEN KNOW what to do with these?)
-- two "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" DVDs
-- the hottest CD of the season - "Salsa and Cumbia Party Fuente All-Stars"
-- a tube of Neutrogena Blemish treatment (oh, but how will you treat the blemish on your SOUL!)
-- Rohto redness relief (file under random, WTF, are you crazy?)
-- a SkilSaw blade
-- a tube of Vicks VapoRub
-- four, count 'em four tubes of ScarZone with Green Tea extract (is there a hot market for this?)
-- an Ana Barbara CD
-- a pack of Advil Liquigels (no doubt to soothe the pain of standing on your feet shoplifting all day.)
-- a pack of titanium drill bits
-- a weight belt (this is big. And it just walked right out of the store. Our people are as dumb as sh**.)
-- a whole damn tube of Monistat3 (Seriously girlfriend. If you got the issues *down there* - you need to get to a clinic or something. Stolen goods from the House of Wal might not clear up your little problem. And do you really trust pharmaceuticals from a place that sells lead-lined toys to children? Didn't think so.)
-- a package of X-Large men's briefs
-- a pack of Revlon Colorstay lip gloss in Timeless Nude (color is better girls. Trust me. Save the nude for the bedroom. Or Playboy.)
-- a bottle of Robitussin DM


Ballz said...

Obviously, cold and flu season has hit WalHell

Brian said...

Fat people need underwear too!

quacked said...

Rohto is lame to steal. Those eyedrops burn! But I guess they will find that out soon enough. :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.