Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The monkeys at the zoo

Look. Lady. I know. I know. I know. OK. It's Sunday. You've got your pack of howler monkeys with you and apparently Sunday night at 9 p.m. is the only time all week you can drag yourself right up off the couch and in to the House of Wal for some shopping and some returning. What you need to do to take that pack of demons home. Or turn them over to a local animal shelter. All six of them. This is Bob Barker. Thank you for help controlling the pet population in L.A. Remember to have yourself spayed or neutered.

Back to me. Ma'am. Please do me the courtesy of looking at me. Not at your child making noise with one of my nineteen buggies of returns. I'm not going to be able to return this copy of "Zoo Tycoon 2: African Safari Expansion Pack."

Roll tape:

ME: "Ma'am, I can't return that. We don't return open software, movies, music or DVDs."
HER: "It doesn't install. We tried it on three computers."
ME: "OK. I can give you another copy of the software, but I can't give you money back on this."
HER: "What about a store credit?" Seriously people. What the hell do you think a store credit is? IT IS A REFUND! "Store credit" is not code for "break the rules for my special snowflake self and approve my sketchy return."

ME: "No ma'am. No store credit. No cash. If the product is defective you can get another copy."
HER: "Well it won't install."
ME: "OK. I would advise you to sell it on eBay or take it to a GameStop."
HER: "I don't want to do that. I think I should be able to return it." I think you should have had your tubes tied four kids ago. Limit 2, like the Chinese. And your mouth sewn up for good measure. But I'm not telling you how to run your business.

ME: Pick up package. "Ma'am. This is an expansion pack for Zoo Tycoon 2. It's an add-on. You do have Zoo Tycoon 2, right?"
HER: "Uhhhhhhh. I don't know. KAYLA COME HERE RIGHT NOW! What do we have?"
KAYLA: "Oh, I just have Zoo Tycoon 1. I thought this would work."

ME: "There's your problem then. It says right on the front 'Must have Zoo Tycoon 2 installed.'"
HER: "Oh. I didn't read it when she bought it." No. You just chunked $23 dollars down on the counter like it was change for a cup of coffee. Lady, do you know how many hours I have to stand on my feet talking to people like YOU to make $23 dollars?
ME: "You just need to go buy 'Zoo Tycoon 2' for her and it will work fine."
HER: "I don't want to spend any more money."
ME: "Ma'am, we're not going to return it."
HER: "Oh."
ME: "Here's your bag back. Here's a sticker. You have a nice day."

She was being dismissed before she knew what happened. Take the children. Go. Leave. Now.

I know you got six kids and all - and they do appear to be a fistful of trouble - but that was your choice. YOUR CHOICE. YOURS. (maybe a husband or a turkey baster or whatever had something to do with it) The point remains that if you do not know what your children are buying, then you do not need to be spending money on it. "PUT THAT BACK" needs to join your vocabulary. Buddha know I heard it a lot when I was little.


Beverly said...

And this would be why 7 year olds wind up playing GTA and then parents get all up in arms once they see what their kids are actually doing. LOOK at the packaging. READ what's on the box. HAVE A CLUE about what you're buying.

Idiots. Who goes and plunks down $23 for software that they are obviously ignorant of? I mean if she's so technically illiterate that she's trusting a child to tell her what's going to work and what won't, crap like this is going to happen.

I mean who goes to a parts store and lets a kid pick out which oil filter goes in your car? Playing a video game does not equal computer knowledge and kids should not be responsible for doing the parenting. I bet she would have bought whatever game her kid told her he/she wanted regardless of the content.

DolfanDad said...

on the other hand beverly, I know of so many instances where kids put parents to shame in their computer knowledge. Yes even 7 year olds.

Nevertheless any parent should know what they're buying, especially for their children. but isn't that to high of an expectation for the house of wal?

yoyo said...

That's exactly the sort of fat fucking moron that ruins games for the rest of us. As Beverly said, if that little brat had bought GTA, and the parent had looked in at what their kid was actually playing one day, I bet that bitch would be back to the store with the game screaming at you for selling such a game to a kid..

From the stories you've read here, I really do think that you and other staff in such customer support positions should have to, by law, euthanise the more moronic of the cattle that pass you by each day.

Missy said...

I think people can only have 1 kid in China now....wise.

I forgot my name badge said...

Yes, yoyo...I agree although if I was given the ability to euthanize every customer that was a moron then there wouldn't be any customers left in the store. Then again, that's not all that bad. Maybe I could get some work done without being interrupted 50 times with stupid questions.

breeder said...

I have five children myself, and I guarantee not one of them would ever grab things off the counter, mess around with the hiring computer, or dig in shopping carts.

All the time, people tell me that it's _amazing_ how well behaved my children are. Do you know how I accomplished this outstanding feat? I spend most of my time parenting. What a wild concept, I know.

It's sad that so many people are inadequate at parenting. It gives other childless people the impression that a lot of kids means no control.

What happened is that that these parents had children with no foreknowledge that actual work should be involved in raising them. If they only had one child, it would be just as poorly cared for, and therefore just as poorly behaved.

j-yo said...

What I want to know is why these kids are hanging out at Wal-Mart at 9 p.m. the night before a school day.

I have two kids and they can be a bit distracting at stores for me(although they are nowhere near howler monkeys), but if I'm going to plunk down $23 of my hard-earned money, you can bet I'm going to read every word on the packaging before I buy something, especially an electronic item. Sheesh.

DamnThoseWiffyDogs said...

I vote Yoyo for president. Let me be your campaign manager.

As well as a Euthanization Team, Walmart should have shock troops.

Anonymous said...

While that woman was a moron, she could have been a lot worse ie.calling the manager and making a commotion. So I guess, she wasn't THAT bad.

Anonymous said...

While that woman was a moron, she could have been a lot worse. ie. calling the mananger over and making a commotion. So i guess in that respect she wasn't that bad.

Beverly said...

So someone's kid knows more about computers than they do - who's fault is that?? Is it the retailer that sold her the product? Walmart CLEARLY (at least in all the ones I've been in) states that software CANNOT be returned only exchanged. If you are not 100% sure that what you're buying will work, and here's a novel concept, either find out what the return policies are and make sure you understand them, OR DON'T BUY IT!!!

A computer or game console is not a baby sitter. Find out what your kid is playing and make damned sure you know as much about it as you can. That kid obviously has little to no supervision on the computer I'm betting - does she even know what child proofing programs are? Does she understand that there's stuff out in cyberland that's dangerous for kids? Of course not - because it's an easy way to occupy one of her many screaming demons so that she can get back to avoiding and ignoring them.

BTW - we're going to pay for this people. Mark my words. All of the people who actually spend time to parent their kids are going to be the ones that pay for this utter lack of parenting that is happening in so damned many families (or lack thereof) across this country.

Boringscreenname said...

People need to read the boxes before they buy. Awhile back I bought Guild Wars at Wal-Mart. When I got it home the part where you were supposed to scratch off the CD Key had already been scratched off. I tried installing it and of course it said the CD Key was already in use. I went back to Wal-Mart and I apparently bought the last copy and they had none in stock and didn't know when they'd get more so they had to give me a refund. Never bought software there again.

Jayne Dough said...

I think China's limit is 1.