Look. Lady. I know. I know. I know. OK. It's Sunday. You've got your pack of howler monkeys with you and apparently Sunday night at 9 p.m. is the only time all week you can drag yourself right up off the couch and in to the House of Wal for some shopping and some returning. What you need to do to take that pack of demons home. Or turn them over to a local animal shelter. All six of them. This is Bob Barker. Thank you for help controlling the pet population in L.A. Remember to have yourself spayed or neutered.
Back to me. Ma'am. Please do me the courtesy of looking at me. Not at your child making noise with one of my nineteen buggies of returns. I'm not going to be able to return this copy of "Zoo Tycoon 2: African Safari Expansion Pack."
ME: "Ma'am, I can't return that. We don't return open software, movies, music or DVDs."
HER: "It doesn't install. We tried it on three computers."
ME: "OK. I can give you another copy of the software, but I can't give you money back on this."
HER: "What about a store credit?" Seriously people. What the hell do you think a store credit is? IT IS A REFUND! "Store credit" is not code for "break the rules for my special snowflake self and approve my sketchy return."
ME: "No ma'am. No store credit. No cash. If the product is defective you can get another copy."
HER: "Well it won't install."
ME: "OK. I would advise you to sell it on eBay or take it to a GameStop."
HER: "I don't want to do that. I think I should be able to return it." I think you should have had your tubes tied four kids ago. Limit 2, like the Chinese. And your mouth sewn up for good measure. But I'm not telling you how to run your business.
ME: Pick up package. "Ma'am. This is an expansion pack for Zoo Tycoon 2. It's an add-on. You do have Zoo Tycoon 2, right?"
HER: "Uhhhhhhh. I don't know. KAYLA COME HERE RIGHT NOW! What do we have?"
KAYLA: "Oh, I just have Zoo Tycoon 1. I thought this would work."
ME: "There's your problem then. It says right on the front 'Must have Zoo Tycoon 2 installed.'"
HER: "Oh. I didn't read it when she bought it." No. You just chunked $23 dollars down on the counter like it was change for a cup of coffee. Lady, do you know how many hours I have to stand on my feet talking to people like YOU to make $23 dollars?
ME: "You just need to go buy 'Zoo Tycoon 2' for her and it will work fine."
HER: "I don't want to spend any more money."
ME: "Ma'am, we're not going to return it."
ME: "Here's your bag back. Here's a sticker. You have a nice day."
She was being dismissed before she knew what happened. Take the children. Go. Leave. Now.
I know you got six kids and all - and they do appear to be a fistful of trouble - but that was your choice. YOUR CHOICE. YOURS. (maybe a husband or a turkey baster or whatever had something to do with it) The point remains that if you do not know what your children are buying, then you do not need to be spending money on it. "PUT THAT BACK" needs to join your vocabulary. Buddha know I heard it a lot when I was little.