Friday, September 21, 2007

Five Finger Fridays, V.8.0

You know the drill. Put on a baggy sweatshirt and some cargo pants. Wear sneakers in case you got to run. Have the cell phone for yo' mama and yo' bail bondsman handy. Bring a U-Haul for all the loot and an ice-chest if you plan to hit the groceries. A girl got EAT to you know! It's time for another edition of Five Finger Fridays - cause Wal-Mart customers got more itchy fingers than OJ got legal problems.

PS: If you stole that copy of "The Goonies" and you're reading this, it's OK to admit to your Corey Feldman crush. He was the cuter of the Coreys. We all know that. Even if he did turn out to be a bit of a greaser.

And we're off:

-- a package of Papermate pens
-- yet another "Kickin' it Old Skool" DVD (My God people. Jamie. Freaking. Kennedy. White boy can't act.)
-- a "DOA: Dead or Alive" DVD
-- a "Love and Basketball" DVD
-- a "Delta Farce" DVD
-- a "Red Line" DVD (Seriously. When did people start lifting Dom DeLuise movies? Did I miss a cultural renaissance or something?)
-- a "Spiderman 2" DVD (James Franco yes, Tobey Maguire no)
-- a "Benchwarmers" DVD
-- an "April Fools" DVD (Sounds like a cinematic masterpiece!)
-- an "All You've Got" DVD (Yet another Oscar-quality masterpiece here!)
-- a Goonies DVD (FINALLY! Somebody with some taste up in here!)
-- a "Dead or Alive Xtreme 2" Xbox 360 game
-- two watches
-- a box of Stetson cologne
-- a Maisto Tailwinds model airplane
-- a set of Gillette Mach3 razors (the better to slice open the packages with)
-- a pack of Gillette Fusion razors (the better to slice open my wrists with)
-- a boys mouth guard, used for sports activities
-- a pack of Glade Plug-Ins, Hawaiian Breeze scent
-- a pack of bra extenders
-- a bottle of CK "Obsession" scent (still rank)
-- a bottle of Elizabeth Arden Red Door perfume
-- a bottle of the Elizabeth Arden "Sunflower" scent (somebody mama had a birthday)
-- a package of Diurex (somebody mama on a diet)
-- a tube of Sensodyne toothpaste (somebody mama got some cavities, yo!)
-- a tube of lipstick (somebody mama got a hot date tonight)
-- two mini picture frames (somebody mama just had twins)
-- a Motorola Bluetooth headset for a cell phone (somebody mama just got a new cell phone)
-- and a pack of Energizer D batteries (I guess somebody mama just got a divorce! Uh-huh. For reals!)

15 comments:

Jennifer said...

Just curious - is this all the shrink confirmed for the store for a week (through inventory), or are these just the items that the store knows were lifted because there was an empty package or something? I always imagined there would be a whole heck of a lot more leaving the "House of Wal" on a weekly basis.

DolfanDad said...

I love FFF!!!

If I remember correctly these are just items that BBC can remember. I'm sure there are a ton more items that are taken that really aren't even accounted for. I mean how accurate is the house of wal's inventory tracking anyways?

The mama jokes started to get a little tired after about the 5th one.

Anonymous said...

As for #7 momma joke be glad house of Wal doesn't have an adult toy section. *SHUDDER*

yoyo said...

Jesus. WHY are these items not LOCKED AWAY? In glass cases, in boxes, behind counters, covered in big plastic tubs with metal locks? Anything?!
It's like wallmart is just yelling "oooh take me! TAKE ME!"

:O

Missy said...

Wow, smelly bunch of theifs this week. I did not know they stil made Stetson.

I forgot my name badge said...

FYI, the pharmacy has the adult toys behind the counter (or at least at my store), but from what I saw in the breakpack around 1030 one night, it's nothing to get jazzed up about.

Riohnna said...

LOL! Dis mama be entertained at the mama jokes! Thank you for blogging!

Anonymous said...

EWW! Can't imagine the horror of a manager telling CS to return an adult toy... gross gross gross!

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

...and a pack of Energizer D batteries (I guess somebody mama just got a divorce! Uh-huh. For reals!)

Omigod. Funniest line ever.

a Goonies DVD (FINALLY! Somebody with some taste up in here!)

So, you're a fan of The Goonies? I knew I loved you for a reason, BBC!

Songbird said...

So, you're a fan of The Goonies? I knew I loved you for a reason, BBC!

Careful, BBC, she's just buttering you up. It's a booty trap!

Beverly said...

EWW! Can't imagine the horror of a manager telling CS to return an adult toy... gross gross gross!

PUULEEEZE tell me that would be like panties - you can't return them once they've been worn. good lord what a vile thought!!!

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

Careful, BBC, she's just buttering you up. It's a booty trap!

Uh...no. I'm really a Goonies fan. I have the DVD, the OOP paperback, Cyndi Lauper's "Good Enough" on 45, and even the free HI-C map and trading cards I paid 50 cents postage for. I had a read-along book on cassette but sold that on eBay several years ago.

Songbird said...

Uh...no. I'm really a Goonies fan.

Heck, I knew that...but I needed an excuse to insert the phrase "booty trap"! :D

Yay Data!

get what you pay for said...

i cant get over the amount of people that feel the need to critique parts of your personal blog. ("The mama jokes started to get a little tired after about the 5th one."). do they not get that they are the online equivalent of a customer at your service desk?

Anonymous said...

When you say people steal CDs and DVDs, do you mean they took the disk but left the case (with the security tag) behind? Or do you mean it was MIA from inventory?

People stealing crap makes me think less of them as a criminal than if they stole something good. After all, if you are going to risk going to jail, at least get something worth going to jail FOR.

Aren't there cameras everywhere to watch for people stealing stuff? I've never stolen anything because I've never been sure that nobody's looking. And looking around for people and cameras would look suspicious if there was a camera watching me. I guess I'd make a bad crook. :-(