Friday, September 07, 2007

Five Finger Fridays: V.6.0

You be knowing the drill. Hands out and at the ready, cargo pants cleaned out and ready to stuff, big bulky jacket ready to hide the merch. STICKY FINGERS PRIMED. Wal-Mart customers be having the grabby digits like Larry Craig be having a Bob Fosse moment in a Minneapolis airport bathroom.

So, what done got stole this week?

-- two boxes of Nailene "Perfect Toes" manicure sets
-- a kids bouncy-ball toy (packaging found in bathroom)
-- a HALO computer game (found the empty box shoved behind a bunch of bottles of grapefruit juice)
-- a set of "Puppy in my Pocket" toys
-- a package of Garnier Nutrisse hair color, #40 - Dark Brown
-- a package of Claritin
-- a super-cheap plastic ring with a strobe light on it
-- two packages of Dove chocolates (empties found in store)
-- two wristwatches (one for him, one for her, no cash for Wal-Mart!)
-- Xbox 360 game "Gun"
-- Xbox 360 game "Hitman"
-- Xbox 360 game "Just Cause" (I wish I was back there requesting these. I guess they just hand them out of the locked cases like candy now!)
-- a package of Fixodent (because you never know when your teeth is just gonna fall right out in the middle of the Wal-Mart!)
-- a $68 radar detector
-- an entire box of ClearBlueEasy pregnancy tests (make him wrap it before he slaps it - then you won't be worrying about it come your moon time girls!)
-- Collagen wrinkle formula pills
-- milk thistle pills (ewwwwwwwwwwwwww)
-- cellphone bling crystals (if you need to shoplift to bling out your cell phone, you need to cut back on ringtones, downloads and calling your best friend Quanice to talk about her baby-daddy)
-- half of a Cadbury Caramello
-- most of a box of Dora the Explorer band-aids (We got free band-aids at the Service Desk if you need one. You ain't gotta steal. Wait. Right. You do. Because that's just how you act.)
-- an XBox 360 game controller (Obviously, some got a system - probably stole it from somewhere too - lock your doors - and just came in and started lifting stuff. It's wonder we had any games & accessories left by the end of the night!)
-- a set of "Littlest Pet Shop" toys & accessories (seriously, what was it with the kids toys? was it a birthday party you had to go to or something?)
-- some L'Oreal Age Perfect eye cream (Girl, you better get some more. Stock up next time. The temperature in Hades is gonna hell with your fair skin.)
-- some Revon ColorStay powder & matching mascara
-- a pack of Gillette Mach3 razors


Debo Blue said...

Do you know someone named Quanice, 'cause she called me last night talking 'bout all the great stuff she was gonna get from Wally-world. Should have known it was being got from 5-finger discount.

I forgot my name badge said...

Are you sure you don't work at my store? Sounds like some of the shit that goes on where I am.

Anonymous said...

I was waiting at a Wal-Mart pharmacy for a prescription (I only go there in emergencies) and a two women came tearing through the area looking like beach trash. One had on flip-flops and had a blister between her toes (they announced it to everyone). She would lean over, rub her toes with her fingers, the suck the blood right off of her fingers for everyone to see.

And of course, they we touching EVERYTHING. Then the one with the blister walked into the band-aid aisle, went through all of the band-aid boxes (opened them, pulled out a band-aid, then put it back and closed the box). Well, she finally found one she liked, put it on, and slapped the box right back to the shelf.

Never buy band-aids at Wal-Mart. I don't think even god could keep up with the saliva, blood, and other bodily fluids on them!

hockeyfrog said...

I'm feeling a Family Guy reference, in response to anonymous...

"That's just nasty." --Cleveland, from Family Guy

Dawne said...

Oh, anonymous, that made me gag! Gross!

Anonymous said...

So does Walmart even have store security? Or are the locked cases and "watchful" associates and bogus beeping door alarms that everyone - EVERYONE - ignores, your only defense systems? Seems like a pretty big problem...

Cyndi said...


Oh. My. God!

Amy said...

I just found your site...I crack up every time I read one of your posts! Thanks for the laughs!

Anonymous said...

I watched someone steal Hot Pockets the other day at Food Lion.

How low must your life have sunk if you're stealing HOT POCKETS?

What a moron.

BBC American fan said...

Do Wal-Mart managers make a percentage of a store's profits, or do they all get a certain, specified salary??

Mary said...

Who's the moron in charge of the games?? Anonymous- O.M.G!

Anonymous said...

I used to work at the Wal-Mart in jewelry. The most ironic thing we used to find was the empty card for the W.W.J.D.bracelets... guess He told them to do it!

Anonymous said...

Store manager base salary ranges from $80,000 to over $100,000. They get a financial plan each year and can bonus up to 125% of their salary... A manager in a profitable store can make $225,000 plus. Not a bad racket since usually they are sitting in their office with thier coffee cup...

Anonymous said...

"Wal-Mart customers be having the grabby digits like Larry Craig be having a Bob Fosse moment in a Minneapolis airport bathroom."

Honey, you could get into Heaven itself on this quote alone.

Happy Friday hugs, Sunny

I almost ruined my keyboard - remind me not to read your blog while drinking soda anymore...!

yoyo said...

holy fucking hell.
Isnt most of that crap meant to be locked up!?!?
I dont know a single store over here that actually has the GAMES in the game cases, just begging to be stolen!
That's maddness!

I'm scared. Someone hold me.

Frozen Tootsies said...

All that shit was, of course, taken by sumdood.

'Cause every last Mama's Little Darlin' who gets busted walkin out the door with his five finger discount merch, explains that no WAY did he take that stuff. It musta been put in his pockets/down his pants/under his shirt by - sumdood.

Frozen Tootsies said...

Should have said: Ambulance Driver and Law Dog have the 411 on sumdood.

Songbird said...

Not in real game stores, but at Walmart the real games are in the game cases. However, in my experience as an Electronics Department gal that case stayed locked until you asked one of us to get a game for you. Then you paid for it right then and there at the Electronics register.

Anonymous said...

in my district, we have a modular for 'budget' video games that is not locked up. we lose tons of games that way and it just doesn't seem to matter.

A La Lost Momma said...

Hi! I've been reading for some time but this is my first comment. Awesome blog, by the way. Anyway, I just thought I would "enlighten" you on a few things, regarding pregnancy tests and milk thistle. They may have been stolen by the same person. If a breastfeeding momma becomes pregnant, she may lose her milk supply. Milk Thistle is supposed to help that problem.

One other thing, in the world of infertility (yes, there are many websites, message boards, blogs dedicated to this) the Equate brand, or Wally brand pregnancy test is the bomb. We love it! It can detect pregnancy a few days faster than most other tests. I bet you would of never thought.