Look, you're stupid for buying protein powder at Wal-Mart in the first place. It probably comes from China and who knows what the "protein" actually is.
You're lose a few more points for being a coward and sending in your mom and skinny kid sister to return it.
These big gallon-sized jars aren't usually light. This one was. I opened that jar of protein powder up and peeked inside. Three-fourths of it were GONE.
I look at the mostly empty jar. And at the expectant duo. Back at the jar. Back at the women. I seriously consider saying "Are you for real? Are you seriously going to try to return this?" But I don't.
"Do you have a receipt?" Heads shake in the negative. If you're going to act a fool, at least bring some ammunition.
"Then I'm sorry, but you can't return this."
Googly eyes. Really. You thought you were actually going to pull this off? On what planet? In what universe?
"But it didn't work."
HOW EXACTLY DID IT NOT WORK AGAIN? Riiiiiight. Muscles didn't start popping out, probably. Ah-nuld. You not make big muscle today. Eat right, work out on a sensible schedule and maybe join a reputable gym. That's a plan. Not Wal-Mart protein powder. It's not a clock. It don't got moving parts. Customer stupidity is not a reason for a return.
I'm gripping for words to try and explain this concept without using the specific phrase "rampant stupidity" or "you're just too stupid to breathe."
I finally get out "You can't return something after you've used all of it."
"But what if we find the receipt?"
And they shuffle off into the fluorescent sunset.