Thursday, August 02, 2007

Do fries go with that shake?

Look, you're stupid for buying protein powder at Wal-Mart in the first place. It probably comes from China and who knows what the "protein" actually is.

You're lose a few more points for being a coward and sending in your mom and skinny kid sister to return it.

These big gallon-sized jars aren't usually light. This one was. I opened that jar of protein powder up and peeked inside. Three-fourths of it were GONE.

I look at the mostly empty jar. And at the expectant duo. Back at the jar. Back at the women. I seriously consider saying "Are you for real? Are you seriously going to try to return this?" But I don't.

"Do you have a receipt?" Heads shake in the negative. If you're going to act a fool, at least bring some ammunition.

"Then I'm sorry, but you can't return this."

Googly eyes. Really. You thought you were actually going to pull this off? On what planet? In what universe?

"But it didn't work."

HOW EXACTLY DID IT NOT WORK AGAIN? Riiiiiight. Muscles didn't start popping out, probably. Ah-nuld. You not make big muscle today. Eat right, work out on a sensible schedule and maybe join a reputable gym. That's a plan. Not Wal-Mart protein powder. It's not a clock. It don't got moving parts. Customer stupidity is not a reason for a return.
I'm gripping for words to try and explain this concept without using the specific phrase "rampant stupidity" or "you're just too stupid to breathe."

I finally get out "You can't return something after you've used all of it."

"But what if we find the receipt?"

No.

And they shuffle off into the fluorescent sunset.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

So you would not recommend the protein powder? Damn, I wanted to pick up a jar of it from Wal-mart as it is much cheaper there than at GNC.

Jeanne said...

People are stupid.

Protein powder, regardless of brand, DOES work if you use it properly. Despite the fact that it is gross, it does help with working out.

People expect everything to be a miracle. Magic pills, protein powder, tons of vitamins, appetite surpressants. It's a healthy diet and good exercise.

Dawne said...

I have learned not to buy any food at Wal-mart. I did buy diapers there recently, but not food.

FARfetched said...

Hey, at least they didn't start huffing and puffing and demanding to see a manager!

Anonymous said...

I agree, protein powder and vitamins do help out, but *if* you use it with exercise and working out. It's a supplement, not the cure.

But, I wouldn't buy mine at Wal-mart anyway. :)

grundes said...

I got "trout magnet" at a Walmart last Sunday and caught a trout with it. Oddly, it stopped working after the sneaky fish escaped.

I think I should bring it back for recharging.

raybury said...

Wow, you can do that? Since reading about the guy returning the empty package of chicken, I've been taking all my consumer groceries back to Wal-Mart. They always complain when I try to return the Archer Farms stuff, though.

Kidding, just kidding. I'm glad you got to say "No."

Julie in NC said...

I've got one for you. There was a woman yesterday tried to return one of a two pack of underwear. Thank Goodness I was kept busy at the other register & didn't have to look her in the eye & keep a straight face. The story I heard was that she had worn the other pair & decided they were too tight. She had the decency (Thank Goodness) to not try to return the ones she had worn, but she wanted to know why she couldn't return the others. The tag clearly said 2 pair for $8, so she wanted her $4 back and she tried for at least 5 minutes. My patient co-worker just kept repeating "I'm sorry Ma'am they're sold in pairs; you can't return only one."

DH said...

I would of told the fat-ass to lose some weight and maybe they'll fit soon...

:>)