Saturday, June 02, 2007

How exactly did we not "help" you?

Look dude. It is NOT my fault that you pushed a gigantic box with a futon inside all the way from the back of the store instead of finding someone to get some sort of conveyance to help carry it.

It is NOT my fault that you decided to wait until Saturday night - during the "Tax-Free for Hurricane Preparedness" shopping bonanza - and incidentally the first of the month - to buy a futon.

It is NOT my fault that you are in a bad mood.

You ask "Can I get someone to help me get this to my car?" I look right at you and say, clearly and audibly "LET ME GO GET A STOCK PERSON AND A CART." Me speakee the Englee.

You watched me (yeah, I saw you look at my rear) sign off my register and walk out, tell my supervisor where I was going, point to you and your giant futon, and then walk to the back of the store.

It is NOT my fault that a truck just came in and I could not track a stock person down. So, I decided to help you myself, even though I might break a nail or melt in the tropical downpour outside. So yes, it took me all of three minutes to hunt up a flat cart and take the two boxes stacked on it off and push it back to the front.

It is certainly NOT my fault that by the time I got back you decided that you "didn't want to wait any more" according to the other two people at the Service Desk.

Yes. You are on a camera. Five of them as a matter of fact. They will all confirm that I pushed a flat cart back up less than five minutes after you arrived demanding service. And those same cameras will confirm that you were nowhere to be found when I returned.

So when you stomp back up from god knows where twenty minutes later and demand to know why no one "helped" you - you really should have expected those "WTF" looks.

And really, you should be lucky I cared. I only went for a cart because I was bored. Most times, I would have just paged for an In-Stock person until the phone broke and the whole store was sick of hearing my voice.

PS: It is NOT my fault that you are not cute enough for me to care about.

PPS: Wal-Mart furniture is crap.

PPPS: Try to return it on my watch. Just try. You'll be eating futon flakes for breakfast.


Jen said...

I wonder how stupid this guy looked pushing a box through the aisles???

FARfetched said...

What a dork that guy was. Couldn't wait 5 minutes???

Anonymous said...

I just love answering the phone and puting it on hold for just enough time to grab the walkie talkie, call for the department requested (amazingly the one night they answer immediately), and tell them "you have a call on line....never mind they hung up".

I especially love having the person call back immediately and tell me "someone just put me on hold for 10 minutes and I need to speak to __________department. Why does it take so long to get my question answered whenever I call"

"well because you hang up before they have a chance to answer and then have to call back"

Anonymous said...

I love you!!!!

You need to get that book thing going. Look at postsecret!!

Anonymous said...

I would love to sneak a look at your ass...

Anonymous said...

you know what's hilarious? being bored in a wal-mart while your daughter is shopping, sitting in one of the la-z-boys on display for father's day, watching "ice age" on this large screen tv that they've got specially set up as part of the "let dad relax" vignette, and surfing your blog *about* wal-mart on my palm phone while actually *in* the wal-mart. it was total immersion! i think it made my shopping experience just that little bit more special. plus i found three pairs of black stretch jeans that actually fit. it was a good day. :)

Anonymous said...

i want a t-shirt that says, "It is NOT my fault that you are not cute enough for me to care about."