I’ve had people try to return bicycles because they’ve literally ridden them into the ground, because they got a flat tire, because they found a better price somewhere else, because they were too stupid to realize that you should never buy a bike at Wal-Mart – for a whole host of reasons really.
But I’ve never had anyone try to return a bike because his kid outgrew the training wheels.
Uh huh. This man, came up to the Service Desk Sunday pushing a used but not overly abused bike.
Now, working at the Wal-Mart, I’ve learned to speak English, Spanish, Scammer, Cheater, Ghetto, Stupid and a little bit of French. Apparently today I added “Downright Clueless” to my repertoire.
This man’s first story was that the training wheels were broken. Which they were, on both sides – you could see that the metal had been stressed and bent.
Well, when we sold the bike to you, I’m pretty sure they weren’t broken – and you wouldn’t have bought it like that anyway – and you don’t have a receipt.
Then, he just doesn’t like the bike, because it is “too small” for his son. Well, it’s not really Wal-Mart’s problem you didn’t buy the correct size bicycle for your son. Why didn’t he sit on it, ride it around the store a little and then you pay for it? We DO NOT return bicycles.
So he keeps trying to explain himself, and we finally get to the real root of the problem.
“My boy, he is too big for the training wheels.”
O-freaking-kay. IF HE IS TOO BIG FOR THE TRAINING WHEELS – TAKE THEM OFF!
I tell him this and it totally doesn’t penetrate. He wants a new bike.
Then he utters the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
“I am a customer. I buy something. I do not want it. I bring it back. You give me something else. You fix this one up and you sell it again.”
Um, yes. That’s how a return process works, unless the merchandise has been destroyed in the process.
So I scream for help and get a manager who comes over. He tells the manager that when his boy rides the bike, BOTH TRAINING WHEELS DON’T TOUCH THE GROUND.
WELL, THEY’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.
And the man goes “I keep bending them and they keep bending back.”
No wonder they’re broken. You’re the one that broke them.
And they finally, finally manage to convince him that that is how training wheels work. And that Wal-Mart won't take back a bike just because his kid outgrew it. I never. I really never.