Wednesday, March 07, 2007

More peanut butter drama

Ever since the great Tainted Peanut Butter Scare of 2007, we've been taking back jars of peanut butter. Singles, doubles and triples and one woman who must have been buying for a soccer team and brought back six jars. The common theme here is that people have been bringing back the JARS -- either half-eaten or not opened.

ConAgra told consumers they could take the peanut butter back to retailers (Yes, I know, I got this wrong the first time I wrote about it) or mail the LIDS back to ConAgra for a refund.

Well, Sunday I got one particularly dim bulb of a suburban housefrau who managed to make total hash of the "get money for your tainted peanut butter" instructions. She was obviously totally not listening all that well to the instructions on the Today show.

Big Momma waddles up and throws a Winn-Dixie bag full of the lids to peanut butter jars on the counter in front of me. This particularly unpreposessing character has on navy blue sweatpants (the elastic is obviously long gone but still doing its level best to contain the gelatinous mounds of flesh in each monster thigh), a ratty circa '98 "I GAVE BLOOD" T-shirt and a black and red plaid flannel shirt. Incongrously, she's got a tiny pink purse barely large enough to hold a cell phone. And an attitude meant for a corporate head-hunter.

HER: "I wanna return these."
ME: (After looking in the bag) "Ma'am, we can't take back these lids. We've got to have the whole jar."
HER: "Whaddayamean? That's bad peanut butter and I wanna get some money back."
ME: "Ma'am. You can return the JARS of peanut butter to stores. You can MAIL the LIDS back to ConAgra for a refund. But you can't return just the LIDS to a store. I'm sorry."
HER: "Well that ain't right."
ME: "Ma'am, I'm sorry."
HER: "Well you mean to tell me that I can't get my money back even though I bought all them jars of bad peanut butter here?"
ME: "No ma'am. You can mail the lids back to ConAgra and they will give you your money back. But I can't return the lids here."
HER: "So if I wanna get my money back, I gotta go home and dig around in my nasty trash for some messed-up peanut butter."
ME: "If you want your money back from Wal-Mart, we've got to have the jar. Or you can MAIL THE LIDS back to ConAgra."
HER: "Why should I dig around in the trash? You better take these back right now."
ME: "No ma'am. You can mail them in."
HER: "I don't want to do that."
ME: "I'm sorry. We're not going to take back the lids."
HER: "Well this was just a waste of my time."

If you've still not returned your peanut butter, here's the full instructions from the ConAgra Web site.


Anonymous said...

Your description of "Big Momma" was priceless!

The recall was announced on 2/14...Big Momma must have existed on P.B. in the last 3 weeks to have been able to fill a bag with just lids.

She most likely dug through the trash to retrieve all of those lids...or walked through the trailer park, telling neighbors she'd get their money back for them.

Instructions on the Today Show can't be followed when all one watches is Jerry Springer(while apparently eating huge quantities of peanut butter)!

inspectorguy said...

Well at least the nasty hag realized she wasted someones time. Granted she thought it was her time being wasted, but you must giver her credit for acknowledging that she was a giant, cow-shaped, time wasting, douche. Spork that bitch!!!!!!

MavenofMoxie said...

Did you go check the pb aisle? I wouldn't put it past these people to take the lids off the jars on the shelf and try for a refund.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else think she just went through the trash in her neighborhood dump and collected as many lids as she could. My dad has a crazy neighbor who did that back the 80s when cheese was recalled.

yellowdog granny said...

If I had your job I would be doing lines off the counter top...

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it amazes me how people are unable to understand me. So i'm constrantly striving to provide them with short and very easy digestable descriptions. Particulary, one of the points is that you shouldn't say 'You can't do it', but instead -- 'You should go there and do that'.

For instance, in that case I would say 'You can get your money back by taking these lids to the Postal Office and sending them to ConAgra. Here, in the Wal-Mart, we need actual jars. But lids can be sent to ConAgra via USPS.' And repeated it several times.

What do you think?

you'dneverguess said...

Have you ever considered taping various responses to various complaints so you didn't have to repeat yourself like you do? I'm pretty sure I'd have severely injured customers if I had your job. God bless you though, you've got the patience of a saint.

grundes said...

>Well this was just a waste of my time.

Like if she would've spent her time on something useful, huh.

Anonymous said...

Check this out...

Debo Blue said...

I come to this site for two reasons: to read your posts and to read Yellowdog's!

Both of you are hilarious!!