Monday, February 05, 2007

Mean Price Override Lady

I hate it when the customers think they know more than I do. Really. If you really want to match wits with me, I'll take off this freaking polyester blue vest, let you roll your four-ton self behind the register and deal with the trash of humanity all day. Then, we'll see who can really hang. Heifer.

Just because you worked at a Safeway or a Piggly-Wiggly back in a Yankee State years ago does not mean you know how a Wal-Mart works. Just because you called 1-800 Wal-Mart once and they sang hosanas because they're terrified that you will take your white-trash business elsewhere DOES NOT MEAN YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS. Heifer.

Anyway. This fat cow rolls up Sunday and starts preaching that every time she comes here there's always something wrong with the prices. I sigh inside and reach for the receipt, because she's right, and there's nothing I can do about it. If you don't hire employees that can speak English and train them to use the equipment, the prices are going to stay a mess.

I'm like "Tell me what's wrong, and I can fix it for you."

So she goes, with glee I might add, -- "Right here, I was charged for zucchini instead of cucumbers. That means I get them for free."

And I don't even know why I decided to fight this particular battle, but this one time, on this one day, I was completely fed up with lying, cheating, scheming customers and waded in. Lord knows I should have just gritted my teeth and resisted the urge to reach right over the counter and slap the fat right off her face.

Now she starts quoting our Pricing Policy, which boils down to "If a customer is charged an incorrect price for an item, and the item is priced under $3.00, the customer gets that item for free."

I tell her -- "Ma'am, you were not charged the incorrect price for cucumbers. She charged you for zucchini. The price of the cucumbers is not wrong."

Now, I can't tell a zucchini from a cucumber by sight. Most of the register girls will ask a customer exactly what they intended to buy, even the experienced ones. So if she told them zucchini, that's what they charged them for. Which I figure is what happened, because this is the type of cow who would sell her mother for a buck.

Boy, the fact that I didn't want to let her have that $1.86 back was about to start a commotion. I could see the blood pressure start to build.

She goes "I know the policy. I'm on the phone to 1-800-WAL-MART all the time. I know the rules."

I'm like "That's fine. But I'm telling you what the official policy actually is. You were not charged the wrong PRICE for cucumbers. You were mistakenly charged for zucchini. Either the girl made a mistake with the produce code or assumed that you had zucchini instead of cucumbers."

She goes white at that one. "Who's the head honcho around here?"

I can see she's spoiling for battle and I'm ready. "Her name is xxxx and her name will be at the top of the receipt along with the store phone number. The district manager's name is xxxx and their number is on the poster by that wall over there."

The red flush is all over her face now. "It's always something with the prices in this store. I know the policy and I know I'm right."

Now I'm going to be mean. And I hope she has a heart attack from the rapid rise and fall of her blood pressure.

Me: "Now ma'am, I've got no problem giving you the money back on the zucchini, but the official pricing policy is used only in cases where the item rings up wrong. They're going to tell you the same thing when you call."

I refund the zucchini and price override the cucumbers for zero cents. I give her the money and thank her for her business.

I know they're going to kiss her gigantic rear when she calls. Maybe she'll be upset enough not to shop at the Wal-Mart anymore though.


Anonymous said...

I *really* like your blog, and I totally feel for you for having to deal with the b.s. that you have to deal with on a daily basis. I could never do it. Never. I'd last about an hour before they were hauling me out the door by the neck of the blue vest.

You're losing me today, though. How does this awful woman's size have anything to do with her being a douchebag? Can't she be just as obnoxious and horrible without having to constantly remind us that she's overweight? I bet if she wore a size 6 she'd be just as much of a bitch. Maybe more because she'd be constantly hungry.

Would you be making the same comments if she were black instead of fat? ("slap the black right off her face"?)

I'm not sticking up for her OR trying to diminish your certainly righteous anger. I'm just saying that her appearance doesn't control her personality.

A Friendly Fattie

Anonymous said...

Whee! I LOVE retail!! Never will work retail again. Would rather be a 5 dollar whore :) Anyhooo.... I just don't understand people and their attitudes. I will just ask for the refund and then buy the cukes. Sheesh, not hard.

Anonymous said...

I loooove your 'heifer' and 'cow' descriptions as the few times I dare go in a Wal-Mart, the place is damned full of them. So I LOL at this quite heartily. She must deep fry all this crap. And who cares if you DID say, "slap the black off of her" or, "slap the white off of her"??? Who gives a fuck? I mean really, give the PC bullshit a rest, people. I roll my eyes at this crap constantly. These are the same people that start threads on message boards asking how people feel about welfare and then get bent out of shape and yell, "RACIST!" when people give an honest opinion, an opinion that doesnt even mention race, I might add.


Anonymous said...

I had a lady ask me if she could get the price difference on the grapes she bought a month ago (that she ate) that just went on sale now. Wow are people cheap!!!

yellowdog granny said...

people like that heifer should not be allowed to breed...I would feel bad for you because you have to work there, as I think you take great glee in having the dregs of society haul their asses in there so you can make fun of

Anonymous said...

WAAAAHHHHHH, I like your blog so much, but you said something that hurted my my pwesious feelings, WWAAAAAAHHHH!

Some Fat Broad

Anonymous said...

Hello, how may I help you?
I was....
Ok, I will take care of this for you right away.

There you go mam, you have a nice day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
Excellent customer service is about reacting not judging or criticising, or degrading others for their differences, regardless. I would bet you came into the company in 2000 or after.
Obviously, retail is not your line of work.

Anonymous said...

Excellent customer service is what one receives while shopping in Saks, Bergdorf Goodman, Macy's, etc.

Throwing pennies on the checkout counter after sashaying rudely around Walmart without once uttering "Excuse me", when appropriate...the average Walmart customer deserves, much less should expect, nothing but the junk they just filled their cart with!

J Richard said...

I commented already (Jennifer) but I knew youd get lynched by the fat brigade and overly sensitive so....

Don't listen to the criticism of the, "Im gonna call the waaaaaaahhhhhhmbulance crowd". Im still trying to figure out why someone had to play the 'black' card and why people are whining that you're refering to the woman as a heifer. This has zero reflection on your cust serv skills but it does have a large reflection of how dumb people can't separate your reference OUTSIDE OF THE STORE to this cow and cs skills.

You can't win for losin', so might as well not even try to please everyone. Please yourself with these writings and give everyone else the BIG MIDDLE FINGER. People need to learn to toughen up or shut off their computers, if theyre so offended.

"Guess what I am??? Im a big, fat whiny cow that loves the donut and fried chicken counter at Wal-Mart. Youre posts offend me!."

Waaaaaaaa Waaaaaaa Waaaaaaa!

You sooo crack me up!

Alexis said...

I just wanted to say that i LOVE your blog. I work at the portrait studio in a Walmart and we get the same trash. I am SO tired of people thinking that they are entitled to act like an asshole just because nobody has had the backbone to slap them and tell them to act like an adult! So CHEERS to you! :)

Anonymous said...

Your blog is funny as hell! Maybe the next time some homo comes in you can slap the 'fag' off his face. Maybe Jennifer (jrichards) can come see you and you can slap the 'white trash' off her face. Then slap a few black folks, maybe a mexican or two, ohhh don't forget the old people!

Look it's obvious that retail isn't for you. You really need to just stick with your other job and leave this alone. Your post is funny for the most part. But have you ever considered that even though you 'think' nobody notices your snobby ass attitude, maybe they do. If have the people working for walmart weren't senseless inbred idiots maybe I would be a little nicer to them while I was there. Here's an idea HIRE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEIR ASSHOLES FROM THEIR ELBOWS! You want me to be nice? Act like you like your damn job! YOU picked that job, not me. YOU choose to wake up and show up to that so-called Godawful place, not me! Start selling avon or something, sell your body on a street corner for all I care. Just stop all your whining and get over it or quit! Dang! Sometimes I wonder if you even have another job, all you can talk about is this one! Ass

Anonymous said...

Anon...YOU are admittedly one of the assholes blogger has to deal with..."maybe I would be a little nicer to them".

What makes your rant absolutely hysterical is the fact that YOUR stated impression of Walmart workers..."senseless inbred idiots", "hire people who know their assholes from their elbows"... is far worse than anything blogger has admitted!

Last, but not least, blogger shares their anecdotes of putting up with assholes such as yourself BEHIND THE COUNTER at Walmart.

"Sometimes I wonder if you even have another job, all you can talk about is this one"...this statement goes beyond stupidity as this blog is about WALMART! ASS!!

Anonymous said...

I read a blog and i didn't like it! I don't like when people talk about other people!!!!!!


The overly-sensitive emo girl two posts up (cousin of the whiney fat broad)

Anonymous said...


Step away from the twinkies & computer and go for a walk!

Anonymous said...

OK this is coming from a not thin walmart cashier...

About the fat comments there is a whole nother level of FAT that roles into walmart and it gets to you day after day. They role up to the register in the wheelchair cart and plop ho'hos pizza you name it on the belt... I feel like smacking them and saying at least TRY the produce! It is an amazing level of cowism