Mean Price Override Lady

I hate it when the customers think they know more than I do. Really. If you really want to match wits with me, I'll take off this freaking polyester blue vest, let you roll your four-ton self behind the register and deal with the trash of humanity all day. Then, we'll see who can really hang. Heifer.

Just because you worked at a Safeway or a Piggly-Wiggly back in a Yankee State years ago does not mean you know how a Wal-Mart works. Just because you called 1-800 Wal-Mart once and they sang hosanas because they're terrified that you will take your white-trash business elsewhere DOES NOT MEAN YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS. Heifer.

Anyway. This fat cow rolls up Sunday and starts preaching that every time she comes here there's always something wrong with the prices. I sigh inside and reach for the receipt, because she's right, and there's nothing I can do about it. If you don't hire employees that can speak English and train them to use the equipment, the prices are going to stay a mess.

I'm like "Tell me what's wrong, and I can fix it for you."

So she goes, with glee I might add, -- "Right here, I was charged for zucchini instead of cucumbers. That means I get them for free."

And I don't even know why I decided to fight this particular battle, but this one time, on this one day, I was completely fed up with lying, cheating, scheming customers and waded in. Lord knows I should have just gritted my teeth and resisted the urge to reach right over the counter and slap the fat right off her face.

Now she starts quoting our Pricing Policy, which boils down to "If a customer is charged an incorrect price for an item, and the item is priced under $3.00, the customer gets that item for free."

I tell her -- "Ma'am, you were not charged the incorrect price for cucumbers. She charged you for zucchini. The price of the cucumbers is not wrong."

Now, I can't tell a zucchini from a cucumber by sight. Most of the register girls will ask a customer exactly what they intended to buy, even the experienced ones. So if she told them zucchini, that's what they charged them for. Which I figure is what happened, because this is the type of cow who would sell her mother for a buck.

Boy, the fact that I didn't want to let her have that $1.86 back was about to start a commotion. I could see the blood pressure start to build.

She goes "I know the policy. I'm on the phone to 1-800-WAL-MART all the time. I know the rules."

I'm like "That's fine. But I'm telling you what the official policy actually is. You were not charged the wrong PRICE for cucumbers. You were mistakenly charged for zucchini. Either the girl made a mistake with the produce code or assumed that you had zucchini instead of cucumbers."

She goes white at that one. "Who's the head honcho around here?"

I can see she's spoiling for battle and I'm ready. "Her name is xxxx and her name will be at the top of the receipt along with the store phone number. The district manager's name is xxxx and their number is on the poster by that wall over there."

The red flush is all over her face now. "It's always something with the prices in this store. I know the policy and I know I'm right."

Now I'm going to be mean. And I hope she has a heart attack from the rapid rise and fall of her blood pressure.

Me: "Now ma'am, I've got no problem giving you the money back on the zucchini, but the official pricing policy is used only in cases where the item rings up wrong. They're going to tell you the same thing when you call."

I refund the zucchini and price override the cucumbers for zero cents. I give her the money and thank her for her business.

I know they're going to kiss her gigantic rear when she calls. Maybe she'll be upset enough not to shop at the Wal-Mart anymore though.