Black Sunday

Owing to the whims of the calendar, this Sunday was the last Sunday before Christmas - and it was a pure shopping madness.

There were only two of us at the Service Desk until the second shift arrived at 2 p.m. because the 7 a.m. girl didn't show. And lord we must have sinned to deserve such evil.

Personally, I set a new record for customers - 176 - yes, ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX PEOPLE SERVED. I returned more than $5,000 in merchandise and had $4,200 in loans from the cash office - and more than $3,000 in money orders/moneygrams. All this from 8 - 5; and it was getting more busy when I left.

Some brief highlights:

People are trying to return last year's Christmas ornaments, which unfortunately for them came in a different style package and won't ring up. They know they can't try to return something on a receipt from Nov. 2004, so they try the "I don't have my receipt" crap. IT WILL NOT FLY YOU DISHONEST MONKEY. And it is ALWAYS middle-age to old white women who look like they're used to running the world, or at least the local PTA.

If you have a telephone that you purchased at Wal-Mart, you can return it without a receipt - AS LONG AS IT RINGS UP. When I scan it, and it says "Item Not Found" - then that means you're a lying cow and you didn't get that phone here. None of this "I bought it at this store two months ago." I CAN TELL YOU ARE LYING AND YOU NEED MONEY TO GO BUY BOOZE!

Please, if you make a complaint, don't look at me like you expect me to run right out and fix it just because I'm standing behind a counter. I have no real power. I can't press some buttons and make the price of grapes be corrected. Nor the price of cereal. And don't get upset when you waited in line just to tell me that. I will give you the money back, but don't trot out that tired line "I just thought someone should know." You just want a plank to complain when you come back next time and something else goes wrong. If you want service, go to the boutique market on 9th Street. Don't come to a f****** Wal-Mart.

Yes, the MacArthur Farms milk does cost $5.06 a gallon. It is NOT AN ERROR AND YOU WILL NOT GET MONEY BACK because "you didn't notice the price." If you shop at Wal-Mart, you know that crappy Great Value brand is the cheap shit. And yes, we sell Great Value milk (it tastes like it has been watered down). Anything else with a brand label is better quality and IT WILL COST YOU MORE. Deal with it.

My responsibility as a customer service associate is to the customers DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME WHO ARE WAITING IN LINE TO RETURN SOMETHING. If you are wanting to bring something in from the parking lot, you need to do that on your own. I can direct you where to get assistance, but I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT walk away from the 15 people standing in line to help you bring a TV inside "because it wouldn't fit our new entertainment center." HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IT FROM THE HOUSE TO THE CAR? AND DIDN'T YOU PASS 10 OTHER PEOPLE ON THE WAY IN? PUT IT IN A F****** CART AND ROLL IT IN.

If you want to send a MoneyGram, do everyone the courtesy of filling out the paperwork BEFORE you stand in line. And if you haven't filled it out, do not camp out in front of the register. MOVE YOUR ASS to the left or the right. Let other people through.

The same goes for stupid people who don't have the receipt ready. What did you think you were going to do? Just give it to me, have me scan it with the computer in my head, magically determine that you paid $19.96 for this outfit on the Visa card ending in 1234 and then put the credit back on that card? F*** NO. Use your time in line to FIND THE RECEIPT. Don't get to the register and THEN start digging in your purse, pulling out a wad of K-Mart, Wal-Mart and Publix receipts. I love the eye-rollers behind whatever idiot does this too.

And finally, DO NOT CUT IN LINE. The evil woman two back will call your ass on it so quick your knitted caftan will spin. You can come up to the counter to ask a question, but YOU HAVE TO WAIT YOUR TURN!